So back in my youth, well okay, younger, days I was playing World of Warcraft.

I stopped though.

To a certain degree I did it because it was an absolute waste of my time, but to the most part I guess because Blizzard destroyed my favorite class with one of the updates during the add on “Wrath of the Lich King”.

But lets take one step at a time.

I played a WARLOCK!

At first, it is one of those stupid classes that can only wear cloth and no leather, chainmail or heavy armor. It’s one of the Mana drinking classes that need … special attention.

But back when I started Warcraft it was still considered a bad ass class. By some at least.

By sheer accident I discovered I can do pretty bad ass shit with a warlock. At least on a Player versus Environment scale.

You see some monsters in Warcraft are Elite. Meaning they make more damage and are capable of taking pretty much of it too before kicking the bucket and dropping your rewards in doing so.

Just by running into one that usually took two to three guys to kill I discovered that when I send in one of my summoned demons – the so named “Voidwalker” – I can keep that motherfucker off my back and kill him over time.

So I sent in the void, placed some Damage over Time spells on the fucker and started healing my demon – with my own life’s energy. Then I renewed the DoTs and drained life from the enemy to myself. Just to pass it on to my Voidwalker in the next moment.

And that went on for a few moments and the son of a bitch finally died.

The Warlock could summon four demons:

The Imp – a nasty little creature that deals a little damage but also can increase your health (and that of your group) just by being around.

The Voidwalker – can divert attention from you and take a lot of hits.

The other two were SHIT! Never saw anyone use those.

But the later three, all required a “Soulshard” to summon. You produced that when you drain your enemy shortly before it’s dying.

In some quest the Warlock could get one of three items, in a dungeon; which is a place filled with elite enemies, and main bosses. You do not go in there ALONE! Even as a warlock.

The other two items in that quest were uninteresting crap. The third was a piece of jewelery. When activated you could summon a Voidwalker without using a soulshard.

With or without the shard a Warlock summoned like this:

Summoning, summoning, summoning, summoning, summoning, summoning, summoning, summoning – TADAAAA: Demon.

In a higher level you could unlock a talent that reduced the cost of mana, and the cost of time to summon ANY Demon to ZERO! That went on like that:

Summo…DEMON!

You can guess that the talent and the jewelery combined were pretty cool. Given that both had a timer that allowed to use it only once every thirty minutes or so, balance was maintained!

When the first add on came out, I noticed some change.

Now the enemies were easier and left behind some pretty cool stuff. I never wore something legendary or majestic – I forgot the names of these things, let’s use color code: I never wore purple or orange. Just blue and green which is still enhancing your skills and talents, but not as much.

The first three boars in Burning Crusade equipped me with green shit – which is the lowest of the enhanced stuff – that was better than anything I had at the time, and as I hear, better than most of the purple and orange stuff.

Not only where the enemies apparent generic, the landscape was modeled with far less devotion and care to detail too.

Up to that point when the AddOn came out Paladines and Warlocks were the only classes that got a special sort of mount. You had to work hard to get it.

The first mount you got at level 40.

You learned it at your class teacher, and everybody else at a riding teacher.

The second mount – epic mount – you either learned at the riding teacher and bought a regular mount, or you got a quest for your Epic Mount.

The class specific mounts of the warlocks were always burning. So the black horse with a burning mane, and tail was pretty impressive.

I’d like that thing in reality. Shit, people would leave the streets to make way for me.

But I digress.

So you went to your teacher at level 60, he told you to visit some dude who told you to gather some shit (that was pretty rare), and then he sends you off to another shitface that lets you gather more crap. And so on.

It was HARD!

Starting with GETTING to the first dude. He stood in a valley filled with hundreds of Elite Enemies.

By pure fucking luck I once killed two. That was very lucky! And then, as I was healing myself and my Voidwalker, two more showed up and freaking killed me.

Running from the cemetery to my corpse took some time. But it was no problem. I devised a new strategy, that was sneaking around them.

I did it.

Later I just rode through them, let them kill me, right in front of the guy I had to go to, and I revived there.

Even Easier.

After all the running around and collecting shit, you are sent off to a dungeon where you have to fight your way to the center, where you summon the demon horse and slay it. Then you talk to its soul and you get your demon horse as epic mount.

Hardest part here was to find a party that wanted to go in there with you. Especially for me since I always had been a LONER! Even in Warcraft.

That was all BEFORE Burning crusade.

In Crusade, a warlock and paladine were treated like the peasants the others thought we were. The flying mounts and flying epic mounts we could only use the standard crap.

For all I care send me to fifteen dungeons and give me a unicorn that shoots fire out its ass! But give me something that distinguishes me from the other classes!

No.

In Crusade I had started over as a Bloodelf warlock anyways so the first epicmount was still waiting for me. At that time I had already found out how much the Burning crusade sucked.

It all got easier. Except for the old world.

The starting areas were always easy. The first 10 levels went by in a heart beat. But then it always got harder and harder and harder. You died more often and returned to your corpse than you ever imagined.

Not on the hellfire peninsula you didn’t. Except when the uber-evil and Elite robot tramples you till mashed potatoes look like a rock compared to you!

Then they threw out the Lich King add on.

And now things got shittier.

The love for detail and care for the environmental design slipped totally into the gutter, and the enemies were easier than the ones on Burning Crusade, and they dropped shittier items.

I leveled all the way up to the maximum, I never saw the Lich King though. Since I always had been a loner working in a group to defeat an enemy was not in my nature.

But then one update came and ruined the game – at least for me.

Paladine’s and Warlock reaching level 60 can now for the cost of x00 gold LEARN the epic mount from their teacher.” – Because farming that amount of gold is easier for the kids and casual players than actually doing something for it, like the god damn quest series!

That was not the last nail in the coffin but twenty percent of it. The other 80% were achived by ONE SOLE CHANGE TO THE WARLOCK!


The jewelery that allowed me to summon a Voidwalker WITHOUT losing a soulshard was changed to “summon a void walker with 20% less cost of mana.”

THE ONLY FUCKING REASON I DIDN’T TAKE THE ONLY FUCKING SCYTHE IN THE WHOLE FUCKING GAME BUT THIS STUPID JEWEL WAS BECAUSE I COULD SUMMON A WALKER WITHOUT LOSING A SHARD! And the fuckers at Blizzard took that away from me.

The Warlock was treated like priests on all the servers – the fucking lowest of the lowest.

Priests. When you hear that word you have an image in your head, of a man in a dress.

Take that and now multiply it with all the gayness of the Village People and Christopher Street Day. Give the result the capabilities of a three year old dressed up as a fairy.

Thats a fucking Priest in Warcraft.

My Ex played a Priest.

One day we were trying to get a group together for a dungeon. “Healer (Priest) and Damage Dealer looking for a group to do the WhatDoIKnow and slay the Questionmark!”

Nothing. “Priest and Warlock need group for…”

Nothing.

Suddenly a reply “We already have a holy Paldine” (the healing Paladines were called holy) “But we’ll take the Warlock.”

Fuck off twat-face, whether we go into the dungeon or not I am getting laid tonight, while you haven’t ever seen a real pussy!”

As I left many others did so too, most of them returned.

I didn’t.

Ruined game is and stays a ruined game.

And why was it ruined?

Because all the casual gamers and the fucking kiddies wrote to Blizzard, that it was too hard and they didn’t posses the skills, will or time to make shit happen.

In the mean time Cataclysm came out, and I’m sure that the design of the changed world sucks even more, the enemies got even weaker dropping even shittier items.

And I won’t even talk about the AddOn “Mists of Pandaria” – fuckin’ Pandas.

Right….

Who would have known that a game like Workd of Warcraft would bear such striking similarities to the educational system in many western countries?

The shit got easier and the reward (knowledge) is getting shittier while the leveling system gets constantly revamped to the point where a braindamaged monkey could get A’s, learn and remember all the stuff required and is as smart when leaving school as he was when he entered it.

Even once you reached the maximum level, did every quest, got ALL legandary items for your class (orange shit) – there’s an empty void awaiting you.

They’ll poop out yet another AddOn and you’re back to square one, just like the day you enter university.

Yeah. Schools are a lot like Warcraft. Thank you for making me understand that Blizzard.

You nutless pricks.

I also have an X-Box and a GameBoy. I like gaming and to a certain degree I AM a gaming nerd. Not as much as others out there but still enough of one to actually listen to the music without playing the game. To anyone who argues that gaming is only for kids I have to say that you are an unimaginative ball less monkey.

There are games definitely not suited for kids. Violence, sexual content or the greatest menace in a game – the coPlayers. Otherwise known as harsh language only that harsh doesnt cover a tenth of that shit. In any game in which you either have to, or have the option to, speak to other players, you’ll learn words that you did not know existed and you’re showered with them whether they’re directed at you or not.

You’ll learn things of your parents private lives, your own sexual orientation or dysfunction…

Really?

Gaming is for kids? You impotent, paedophile, donkey molesting, son of a bitch with a braindead turd.

For kids???

Gaming is for adults as well. The keyword is moderation and intellect. A game that requires a certain level of intellect is not for kids.

A game that has sex, violence, or coPlayers is not for kids.

While I’m on the subject of sexual content. A game that glorifies violence once got roasted, its publisher even sued, for a sex scene.

Where else than in the US? The country that is afraid of sex.

Every time a shady politician saying violence in games or movies made someone run amok, and ingame sex caused a surge in teen pregnancies – I want to slap this idiot across the face with either a CD-ROM or a Controller.

Violence and Amok are caused by a sick and disturbing society that forces the parents to abandon raising their kids to schools and schools incapable of doing so and incapable of teaching them anything. Teen pregnancies are caused by lack of sex education.

Give them kids a parent that is home at least half a day and tell them all about sex and the horizon will clear up and keep these little shitheads away from grownup games and keep your sweaty, greasy hands off of our games!!

But my gaming days have come to an end to a certain degree since I moved in with my fiance. One just can’t stay up all night anymore without risking a certain level of conflict. But that wasn’t the reason I stopped playing.

If the decision is “Your Hobby or Pussy?” I guess the answer is abundantly clear.

Pussy.

I still haven’t finished Assassins Creed Revelations, I barely started Mass Effect 3 and I touch my Computer never ever to play games. Although I enjoyed Diablo and Diablo 2 and although I was a huge fan of Star Craft – I lack the time. I simply don’t have the time in my weekly schedule for gaming.

There’s work, therapy, family and school. On weekends we either do shit for school or I’m otherwise engaged than gaming. Somewhere in there I’d like to squeeze in workout, and I have to write too, so the gaming issue gets dropped for the sexual and other content issue that unfolds in the free time slots…

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