Archive for May, 2014

Entitlement to run amok?

I’m a loner.
I’m a nerd, and I’m pretty hard to tolerate sometimes. My wife can tell you that.

My manners are not the best, and my demeanor sometimes is – simply put – not tolerable.

I’m a nerdy, eccentric loner.

Yet, since my first relationship back in 2001 (I was 19) I never had big trouble finding girlfriends. The longest time I spent single between relationships was a bit over one and a half years.

I’m writing this in light of the recent shooting in Santa Barbara. Not so much as to diss the killer, which would be redundant as he is dead, but to tell you other loner guys out there: Don’t go on killing sprees!

I wouldn’t go as far as to call the killer a “mysagonist” (although it might be true), or someone who objectifies women. This has nothing to do with that.

It is this culture of “feeling entitled to something” that has caused this tragedy.

Of course, we can say it was the loose weapons laws in the US that are to blame. And we’d be right, to a certain degree. But if a crazed “feeling entitled to shit” idiot is determined to punish the world, he finds a way.

Basically, what I’m trying to tell you guys (and gals?) out there: Alter you standards.
Not lowering them, but altering them. And ditch the mindset of being entitled to something.
Because you’re not.

You see people (even nerds eventually) in the media (Hollywood crap) that can get pretty much everything and every girl they want, and over time your mindset (“You haven’t lost, you’re just the last winner!”) got altered to being entitled to stuff.
This is bullshit.
You know what the second place is? The first loser!
Deal with it.
Accept your defeat and move on. Don’t stick to your feeling of entitlement like wallpaper to a wall. Peel of the paint of bullshit that they have coated you with and move the frak on!

If the blond, highmaintenance, high attitude girls aren’t into you – move past that type of girls! You aren’t entitled to that kind of girlfriend, the women/girls aren’t obligated to become your girlfriend. Let me hit you with “the brick of logic and reason ” to get that crap out of you: If these girls were obligated to become your GFs because you are entitled to, you’d be obligated to become the BF of some hunchback, one eyed chick that scares the crap out of you, because she’s entitled to too!
Your entitlement ends where the liberty of someone else begins. (That’s pretty much a milimeter above your skin’s surface, or less.)

If it wouldn’t have been the girls that drove this virin to madness it would’ve been the job market. Because he felt entitled, and with a mindset like that he would’ve blamed the companies he sent applications to for his failure in getting a job.
And again, a killing spree.

We need to educate our children, youngsters and apparently our twens (Don’t get me started on “Young Adults”) that such a thing as “entitlement” doesn’t exist. Never has, never will.

The world doesn’t owe you anything! Mankind owe’s you nothing!
Your enttitlement doesn’t exist, whether it’s girls/boys, jobs, houses, cars etc.

And to you loners, you eccentrics, you nerds and geeks, you crazy people: There is no one obligated to you, period. Find someone in your niche if the rest of the soceity doesn’t work out for you. Apply for jobs “below” your degree, or in another field. Get a crappy or just a different car, it get’s you from A to B. Get an apartment (or different house!) if you can’t get a house, or your dream house. And so on.

In general terms: Don’t pin your hopes and dreams, your wholesomeness on others. You, you alone, are the one responsible for your happiness.
If YOU can’t find a partner, YOU might be the problem. And I’m not saying you are too “low” for them, but just not their type. Go for a different kind of girl.
You’re standing in your own way, ALTER your standards. It’s not other peoples faults! Either you meet their criteria, or you don’t.
And if those whose standards you meet, don’t meet YOUR standards – YOU are keeping yourself from being happy.

If you have shitloads of money to spend on (semi automatic) guns and insane amounts of ammo – save that cash up and get yourself some time with a prostitute.
Let of some steam, while helping a woman pay her kids through college, and prevent deaths – all at the same time!
Everyone is happy, no one is dead and no one has to die.
Including you.

All in all, alter your standards, ditch your feeling of entitlement, and stay safe and (semi-)sane. Apply for different jobs, try/buy other cars, buy a different house (and MAKE it your dream house), try to find a different sort of girls that are into you, etc.
Take care and LLAP,

Highborn Journal – 2 Banshee (ep 06)

Shocked and irritated Othuen inched back from the sheet.

Squinting her eyes Othuen extended her hand again but did not lift it physically, rather with her powers. The folded sheet floated before her eyes, also with ethereal weavery she wanted to open it, finally curious enough.

Ethereal lights crawled over the surface of the papyrus, but it remained folded. Disappointed she let the folded papyrus sheet flot to rest on the small table that stood next to the window.

Outside she saw mist rising from the forest around the village. Concern grew inside her.

“I had a strange dream.” Ytha sat at the table, Othuen had served breakfast, she observed several people constructing a gate at the road into the village, they had carried along material to build a fence. “The fog was hunting me again, and there was a Holler like the one that spoke my fathers name,” she stopped looking at Othuen sitting next to her. The sanctum maiden stared at the papyrus sheet butvwas otherwise paying attention. “she was there but didn’t call my name. Just stuck with me. As if she was watching out for me.” Ytha laid her hand over the sheet. “How did it feel?” Othuen sighed, turning her gaze to her wife.

“Comfortable. Oddly.”

Othuen sighed once more she also started to eat her breakfast, now that the sheet had been obstructed from her sight, Ytha even put it on her lap away from direct sight for good.

“I agreed to the fence because of the Holler.” Othuen knew that, that question was burning on Ythas mind. “It won’t be stopped, but slowed down.” she continued, feeling odd having to explain herself to Ytha, whom she was concerned for. Enough so to abandon her previous convictions.

Highborn Journal – 2 Banshee (ep 05)

Taking his wife and his son by the hands Arthen wandered off, there was a traditional feast after the ceremony, he held it and wanted to prepare. Bewildered Othuen kept looking at him until the family had left her sight. “Let us go home.” Ytha stretched forth her hand. Shaking off the confusion Othuen took it and walked home with her wife. Ytha sat by the window of their home. Her gaze was fixed in the direction of Arthens house. Rumor had run around the crowd at the reception, rumor tbat the fence around the village was no longer opposed by Othuen, it was rumored that Arthen already had begun collecting supplies. Ytha had no strength to confront her wife with these rumors. Neither at the reception nor when they had returned home. “What are you wondering about?” Othuen sat down at Ythas feet. “Nothing.” Ytha shook the rumors off with a faint and tired smile. Remembering the papyrus Arthen had given her she reached for it. Without unfolding it she stared at the sheet. In faint letters her name was scribbled on it in her fathers handwriting. “What is that?” Othuen curiously glanced at the folded sheet. “Arthen gave it to me. He said it’s from my father.” Ythas voice began breaking, her trembling hand with the sheetvsank lower, she fought hard with tears but couldn’t hold them back. “I know the circle of life and I know that I shouldn’t think that way, but to me it seems as if it hadn’t been his time yet.” again she shook under sobs.

Overwhelming helplessness befell Othuen, she got up and wrapped her arms around her wife. “I got you, don’t cry.” her voice was a soothing purr, covered the worries she harboured herself well. Again Arthens words at the end of the ceremony spooked through her mind. Out of the corner of her eye she watched the papyrus sheet fall to the ground.As it fell it opened a bit, revealing the shimmer of something ethereal weaved into the sheet. As if a blind had been closed the shimmer disappeared as the sheet landed. After putting Ytha into bed, exhausted from all her crying, the ceremony and reception, Othuen stood above the sheet. In all her life had she never seen of weaving ethereal into papyrus. At least not by an Albin. Particularly an Albin who wasn’t a weaver.

Pondering whether she should risk opening it to read it she kept staring at it. “I should at least pick you up.” she sighed regretting the state the house was in.

A terrifying shriek went through her mind as her fingertips touched it, the papyrus was unusually cold and heavy.

Riddle #1

Let’s play a game.

This is the first installment of the sort, maybe there’ll be more, maybe this is the first and last one. The rules are simple, post your answer as a reply to this, or on any of my sites (google+, facebook, twitter, tumblr or linkedIn), or send me an E-Mail.

Here it goes:

Riddle #1“I am a creature from a SciFi novel series / film. Name either me, my homeworld or the novel/film”

If you have the answer, or you want to dwell on the hints given already – don’t read on!






Hint: There had been a remake of the movie, as well as miniseries and several Games.






Hint: “My poops keeps the galaxy running.”






Hint: Names of planets from this novel series have been added into the nomenclature for features on Titan.






Final hint: Patrick Steward played a role in the first film (It isn’t Star Trek related! Please don’t look it up on IMDB, that’d be cheating!)


Highborn Journal – 2 Banshee (ep 04)

“She heard your father calling the Holler ‘Ythren’, wasn’t that your mothers name?” clinging on to her pillow Ytha held her breath. What if Othuens suspicion was correct? “Ythren was a popular name once, it doesn’t mean our mother returned from beyond the grave as a Banshee to cull my father.” the front door was opened. “How ever, I am grateful for what you do for Ytha. I shall collect my fathers remains, please prepare for the ceremony, fair day.” after the door was shut again Ytha heard Othuen sigh that she was ready for that ceremony since she had put her to bed.

Blue flames engulfed the frail body of Arlun as he was returned to the ancestral realm, Ytha and Arthen would have to spread his ashes in the woods for him to complete his mortal journey in the perpetual circle of life and death. Othuen held the ceremony, directly behind her stood Ytha and Arthen, behind the siblings were Arthens wife and his son. “He left you sonething.” Arthen hissed, it had been three days since Ytha had encountered the Banshee. “Not now.” Ytha kept her eyes fixed at Arluns body. It was considered disrespectful to speak during the ceremony, Ytha considered it even more disrespectful since it was their father that had died and her wife led the ceremony.

Without saying a word Arthen pressed a sheet of papyrus in her hand that hadn’t been treated kindly in its existence. At first she wanted to protest but put the sheet away quietly. “Arlun of the Ghar’than woods is now entering the realm of our ancestors, completing the circle of life and death.” Othuen handed the urn to the siblings who took it with trembles. “Every breath of life is a ritual, from the first enchanted scream to the last yearning sigh.” close to tears Ytha walked out into the forest side by side with Arthen, after the village was out of sight they began spreading the ashes in silence until they returned with an empty urn. Thanking the others for their attendance the two returned to the sanctum where they handed the urn back to Othuen, also thanking her. “You might want to worry.” Arthen whispered to her in a moment Ytha wasn’t listening. In the eyes of the man Othuen saw genuine concern for Ytha.

Highborn Journal – 2 Banshee (ep 03)

“Arlun.” the ethereal hole in his chest burst outward, engulfed the frail old man. With a thud his lifeless body fell to the ground.In the pale moonlight that seemed to breathe life into the rising patches of mist, Ytha saw for a moment her fathers spirit where his body stood straight a moment before, the Banshee and he held hands before both vanished as if a sudden gust of wind had blown them away like normal mist. Dim distant lights ahead told Ytha of the village. She seemed to have outrun the mist of the Banshees, as she reached the house in which she and her wife lived. “What troubles you?” Othuen hurried from the back of their house after Ytha had slammed shut the front door. Trembling, short on breat the sanctum maiden saw her wife leaning against the door, her clothes were dirty and ragged. In an outburst of agony Ytha suddenly let out a terrified scream.Othuen kneed down next to her wife, gently caressing her head. In greasy strands Ythas hair hung into her face as she let out the agony of the past hours. Gasping for air in between her sobs Ytha told Othuen what had happened at her fathers home. “You should lie down for rest my love.” Othuen spoke gently, but feared that she was unable to hide her sorrow and worries. A soft nod was Ythas reply, helped by her wife Ytha found her way to bed. Immediately she sunk into deep, dreamless sleep, engulfing her like the blanket that Othuen put over her. Loud voices from the front room woke Ytha somewhen around noon, before hearing what was spoken she clearly heard the familiar voices of Othuen and her brother. “a Banshee did it?” the end of sentence uttered by he brother was enough for Ytha to understand what he had asked. “She saw it with her own eyes, and I trust her in that regard.” A disgruntled noise arose from Arthen, he had made that noise since their childhood whenever he was displeased. Ytha sometimes thought it was the first thing she ever heard from him. He probably wanted a little brother, not a sister. From the noises that came through the door Ytha knew her brother was about to leave. “What can you tell me of your mother?” Ytha felt an emotional sting piercing through her heart. Their mother had died when Ytha was just an infant and Arthen but a small child. Othuen knew that. “Not much. I can barely remember her face as a vague shape before my mental eye.” he sighed. “You don’t think it was mother that came back as Banshee to cull father?” again Ytha felt emotionally stinged, but waited for the next words uttered. “You weavers are a strange folk!” apparently Othuen had replied nonverbally. “I will never understand you! I’m just glad Ytha isn’t a weaver.”

Politically Incorrect #1

Gender IS binary

If you people believe anything else than that, you’re a fraking moron. There is only one of two options available: Boy or Girl.
There is NO other option. There are transgender people, who want to be, or become, the other gender. But they are of EITHER ONE gender. Still, binary. There are transvestites. Still in the binary category, won’t change. Period.

The few people who are born with BOTH genitals, they don’t beg for attention, they want to live a normal life. And most of them sooner or later choos either side, so still a binary situation!

I support transgender, transvestite, homosexuality, bisexuality, whathaveyou. I don’t live it (obviously) but I am okay with it. But trying to make a system that is the basis of almost EVERYTHING on earth into something else is stupid.
Gender IS binary, live with it!

Oddly enough the unnatural – anything BUT organic – “non binary gender issue” pushers are the ones you can meet in front of the organic supermarket…

I know where they are headed with this “gender isn’t binary” crap. It IS for the transgender issue. Again: Full support, but learn to differentiate between what IS and what is PERCEIVED. Gender itself, the simple biological facts – and since we are all “facts-people” (evolution people, it’s a fracking fact), we have to agree that gender is binary. Boy or Girl.


So in order to protest the abduction of close to 300 schoolgirls by a terrorist group, Michelle Obama held up a sign and twittered the image – Bad Idea.
I sympathise with #BringBackOurGirls – why wouldn’t I? And I’m glad the initiative even got picked up by the First Lady (a real position and title!)
But some schmuck altered the image to say “Nothing can bring back the children killed by my husbands drone strikes” – Well.

Nothing can bring back the pople killed by the people originally targeted in said dronestrikes either. It isn’t as if the US Army (and Barak Obama) specifically targeted children.
That is what Boko Haram (or what ever these idiots are called) did (and does). Abducting girls from their dormitory, setting Boys dormitories a blaze and if one tries to run away they act as if the Queen of HEarts had sent them: Off with their heads!
Why? Because they are easy prey!
Only weak and slow wited fools pick on children! If these so called men would have even the slightest hint of honor, or “balls”, they would attack grownups.
In equalling numbers and armament.

But not children.
Who ever did the alternation of the image of the First Lady holding the sign “#BringBackOurGirls” for his own political message, is almost as despicable, and definitely a lowlife, as the terrorists who abducted the children (and slaughtered other children!) in the first place.

I hope you get abducted and sold into (sexual) slavery.

If it was a terrorist group abducting an all female US army recruitment camp, I’d be on your page. But in this case a MOTHER expresses her feelings over the cowardly massabduction of girls, WHO AREN’T US CITIZENS!
Shame on you for abusing that.


Highborn Journal – 2 Banshee (ep 02)

“Thank you for your visit. But I will be alright here.” Arlun sighed as Ytha stood in the door. “Father, you are not the youngest, we could take care of you in the village.” she tried once more to persuade her father to come to the village with her. “I can still hunt, I can gather roots and berries, even the pixie berries your brother so loves. I’ll be fine.” he smirked, in his eyes she could read that he was both lying and immensely sad.

Slowly mist rose from around the tiny cabin her father lived in, increasing his nervousness. “Hurry home now.” he sighed, obviously wanting her far from his cabin.

With a terrifying shriek a figure arose out of the mist making Ytha jump away from it a few inches. “You can’t stay! Run home!” Arlun urged her to run, a plea he had not to repeat, originally Ytha thought her father closely behind herself but noticed after a few moments he had stayed at the cabin. “You can’t have her!” he barked at the forming figure in the mist, slowly gaining the shape of a woman, bone like arms, torn clothes, her hair was wild almost feral.

Ytha recognized the figure as a Holler, other Albin and humans called them Banshee.

As she wanted to open her mouth and call for father to run as well, Arlun opened his arms, a gesture she had not seen him do since her childhood, his gown slid open, revealing a hole in his chest that seemed to be filled with the same ethereal mist as the Banshee in front of him. “Come home, Ythren.” he sighed, clearly weeping.

Highborn Journal – 2 Banshee (ep 01)

Ytha ran as fast as her legs would carry her, her field of vision was narrowed as the trees of the forest shot by her. Endlessly she was searching for the lights of the village, but couldn’t find them, although she knew the woods like the back of her hand. As daughter of a hunter she ought to.

While running through the woods her mind returned to her brother, and his favorite pass time, pixie berries. Not only did he like them but cultivated them.

Often did he try to rally support for a fence around the village so wild animals and spirits of the firest couldn’t wander into the village.

Ythas wife, the village sanctum maiden, always stood against it. “Albin are a part of the forest, they shouldn’t separate themselves from it by a fence.”, folks in the village agreed with her.

As did Ytha.

While running through the nightly forest in panic she began to doubt her conviction about the fence.

A log caused her to trip and fall.

Panting Ytha got up and looked around the dark woods.


Never the less she got up and continued on her way, weary of any sound in the darkness around her. An owl shouted in the distance, making Ythas skin crawl, followed by ghastly silence.

Mist started rising, urging Ytha to run faster, her mind wandered involuntarily back to the reason for her running.

Observations 09 May 2014


I made a little observation about lullabies. I sung a few ones to my son, and my wife sung a few ones.
So far, so good.
German lullabies tend to be set in a melancholic tone. One line goes “…if god wants you’ll be woken again tomorrow…” – now sleep tight little fucker, if god wants, you’ll die!
It’s the same that puts you to bed with roses and nails. Nails for frak’s sake! This is a torture and kill song, the sadists love it!
Another one has the kids being obducted, or worse even dead and playing with gods – how comforting. Sleep, you’ll either get obducted, or you’ll die tonight. If not tonight, just wait.

Now the english ones tend to be more psychedlic, or plain spoiling the kids. Yes, “hush little baby”. SPOILED BRAT comes to mind.
In the psychedelic aisle we have “Rock a bye Baby, on the tree top (!), when the wind’s blowing, the cradle will rock (naturally), when the bough breraks the cradle will fall, and down will come baby, cradle and all.”

How on earth did the cradle and the baby in it wind up, up there?? Tornado? The falling and breaking part must be the influence of the germans. (German and English belong to the same language family, thus our ancestors are from one mindset


We live in a society in which nonconformity has become the norm. I think a new pinnacle of stupidity has been reached the day that nonconformity has become conformity!
Everything nonconformity stands for is violated. When being “not part of the system” (the system that devours souls for breakfast, sending you on an unepic quest for money and fame, hurrying to the grave) actually IS the system, the game is over.

Everything the counterculture does, is incorporated in our culture. Thinking outside the box is tightly incorporated inside the box, it’s an Inception style nightmare.

When everything you want to do, not to support the system, the society, the state or what not, is supported, and assimilated by said corporations – all paths are predetermined. You are IN the system, period. No way out.
Forget it.
Now get you arse to work.

All that is left for you to do if you are a “non-conformist” is to leave. Build a hut in a rural part of Siberia, and grow your food for yourself. Everything aside of that – preplanned paths that you can travel as you wish, but you are part of the system, you are conform to society, allways.