If you’re one of the eye cancer ridden bastards who runs around buying shit from Paris and Milan, a blind sailor wouldn’t put on his dead gay uncle, now used as scarecrow, then you deserve to die of bankruptcy.
But this isn’t why I’m writing this.

I will jot make a distinction between male and female fashion, that would be below my standards.
So, you want to have something fashionable to wear in public, here’s the rules:

1. Decency. Above all else, decency. Not too tight, not too short, not too see-through. Decent.
2. Affordability. No brands that deliver nothing but a name, no cloth that delivers nothing but a legend. Decent, affordable.
3. Appealing.
3.a. If it is revolting/a potato-sack/worn-looking/camouflage/animalskin print, don’t. Just don’t. I will find you, and I will hurt you.
3.b. Avoid colors they use in hi-viz jackets, post-it notes and markers/highlighters.
3.c. No paintings on your clothing! Nor any other form of weirdness. No printed out photos that have been transformed into a fullblown tragedy in the shape of pants! No vomit stain Hardy, no cat-space-dolphin-jesus picture hoodies/underpants/whatever.
(Allowed are: logos, bandshirts, and the likes)
4. Matching. I guess this goes without saying. Pink sneakers (see 3.b.) green linen pants (3.a.) and a sweater with a cat staring at the orion nebula (3.c.) don’t go together. Nor do red heels, with a beige skirt and a black blouse. Matching colors. If you’re colourblind, go with black. Decent, affordable, appealing, matching colors.
5. No trends! If you follow a certain trend/fashion/style you deserve your empty wallets. If you have to dress a certain way to fit in with your peers, your peers are obviously as shallow as the muddy quagmire your social group just emerged from.
Don’t!
Decent, affordable, appealing, matching colored, individual.
6. Accessoires. Holy shit! Be subtle, don’t decorate yourself like a Christmas tree, or an Indian bride on her wedding day. Subtle, people. Look it up if you’re unfamiliar with the word.
Decent, affordable, appealing, matching colored, individual, subtle.
7. Footwear. Keep to the guidelines so far, and add that if you want eccentric, or uber-sexy shoes – don’t. High heels, weird boots and the likes belong in the bedroom, or wherever you choose to copulate.
Flipflops belong to the beach or the bath. Sandals belong in the trash, but if you must – leave the socks!

That would be all, this is just a rough guideline, no specifics, nothing gender specific either. There is something that needs to be said to the women folk out there, however:
8. If you wear a T-Shirt that spans text over your bosom, don’t be offended if people (men in particular) are looking there (presumably reading).

Alright. Now, I’m done.
I hope you find this list useful, and are carrying it with you on your next shopping tour, and before I leave you with this, theres a final item on this list:
9. If your shopping experience takes up more than 3 hours for 6 different stores, you’re doing it wrong. Return all items and start over!

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