Archive for December, 2014

31. Dec. 2014


Crappy New Year’s!

Pin this on some Schmuck at tonight’s party to mark him/her as someone not to be taken home or kissed into the new year…

Floral/Fungal Journal – 2 Truths (ep10)

Unlike the dark grey walls of the imperial capital, entirely fashioned from the basalt mountains around it, the walls of the city, that was lying before Gulius and Xavani, were of brighter origin. Carts were moving in and out of it on the busy roads that lead in and out, goods that Gulius had never seen prior to that day.

Even before setting foot into the city he saw other races than Fungals in the caravans of traders. Men and women with fair skin and mostly blonde hair, but some with dark hair as well, Albin as he recalled from the ancient descriptions. Men and women who differed from the Albin, their appearance and physique matched that of descriptions of humans the spies had relayed to the empire. From his vantage point he could hear their voices, different languages. All the education and training he had received never had told of different languages. They probably didn’t believe in the same supernatural beings as the imperial fungal people did. He had to admit to himself that he was a little bit frightened of the diverse crowd awaiting him in the city. Xavani and he slowly walked towards an envoy of Albin and Fungal soldiers, who flanked two highly decorated individuals. While approaching Gulius raised his hands behind his neck, before they left the underbrush he had reattached his original insignia, so the soldiers of the republic knew why he approached with arms raised while a tormented floral woman walked by his side. As he approached the Albin and Fungal soldiers immediately assumed a defensive stance, only to be shoved aside by the Albin in their center. The woman stared at Gulius with wide disbelief. “Elaborate!” the decorated Fungal man also had stepped outside the circle of soldiers. “I am Gulius, a traitor to the empire. This is Xavani, we have freed her.” inching back between the soldiers the Fungal looked around. “We?”

“There was another, but she died.” Xavani reported, during her captivity she had learned a bit of the fungal language, that was not much different from the floral. “The fire at the limes?” the Albin woman raised her eyebrows to which the two nodded, even though it has been two weeks since the incident it still brought tears to Gulius’ eyes.

Slowly did he lower his arms, tearing the insignia from his clothing. Still with tears in his eyes he looked at them, gently caressing the hammer and sword in front of the mushroom. “Farewell.” he hissed, dropping the insignia into the dirt of the much traveled road.

There was much ahead of him and Xavani, but for the moment he felt liberated.

“What have they done to you?” he raised his eyes from the glistening insignia to the Albin that was standing in front of Xavani, shock was in her eyes as she glanced at the stumps. “They maimed her, to keep themselves safe. We burnt the farm down, at her suggestion including other floral women.” Gulius answered for her, with a quick flick of his hand had he dismounted the belt, there were not weapons sheathed on it, but to view that he was entirely unarmed, and to show that his supply of diluted nectar was not readily at his side, before raising his hands again, as the soldiers were still standing ready to strike.

Two wheeled menace

I have had it with these crazy bicycles!

If Cyclists – and all you environmentally conscious people out there – want (them) to be taken as serious members of traffic we need to change a few things.

1.: Mandatory Driving License – as any motorist needs one, as any one on public transport needs a bus pass, these morons need one too. So they at least once have heard of traffic laws. No driving license, no bike.
2.: Mandatory helmet – if one is caught without one, the same “punishment” a car driver gets when driving wihtout a seatbelt. Period. Three strikes and the bike is pounded.
3.: Mandatory License Plates – Seriously. If these creeps mow down old hags and little kids, at least we can identify the vehicle that did it! And in most cases the owner of said bike will be the culprit. Fulfledged members of traffic need a license plate! But we can make these free in opposition to those on cars and motorbikes. Bike doesn’t have a license plate and is on the street – pounded.
4.: No more exceptions! – If I see one more “One Way” sign with the amendment “Except bicycles” I’ll plaster that with dogshit! And…
5.: …no more driving on the sidewalks! You wanted to be a full member of traffic, you use the road! Period! Violators should be givin a one month driving ban (including cars!), and the bike is confiscated for the duration of that time.
6.: No phoning, texting, riding it hands-free or drunk/DUI. Self explanatory I guess. Impoundment when violated.
7.: Mandatory service checks! Just as any car has to be checked if it is still road safe, the bikes need the same treatment. If it isn’t fit anymore, it needs to be either mended or discarded.
8.: Kids on bikes – No. Just no. Kids under the age of 12 can ride it in the company of their parents (or other guardian) on the road, or on designated bike lanes. Older, and they can have the driving license for the bike, and go out alone. But no more letting kids go out and play on their bike. These kids are more often than not monsters on two wheels and are a menace to others and themselves. (I was one once, trust me!) NO!

I am all for saving the environment.
Especially from CO2 emissions. But I’m also a huge fan of safety! But I can’t step outside my office without being run over by a crazy cyclist on the friggin sidewalk. I know not all of you un-motorised two wheeled folks out there are crazy lunatics that should only be allowed to drive in a padded underground tunnel where no one can get harmed. In fact, most of you are not.

But this is a safety measure that needs to be taken, a car or motorcycle needs a license plate, a “skilled” driver (yeah I know, but in theory they received training), checks and rules where driving it is allowed.

Bicycles need that too. It is crucial for road safety.
I have more ideas for road safety, but most of those are the insane ravings of a lunatic. Like: mandatory Dashcams for new cars, subsidies for installing such a system in your current car, so you can send footage of traffic violations (or other violations) to the police, since they can’t be everywhere. (In an insane plottwist, if the Police are the culprits, you too have the civic liberty/duty to document these incidents)
Or huge-ass subsidies for electric cars. Give people an insentive to buy one, and install waaaaay more charging stations throughout urban areas.
As I’ve said.
Maniacal ravings of a crazy man.

While I’m on the subject of bikes.

Stop it with the E-Bikes. They have the same speed a normal bike has, so it ain’t an electric motorbike. It’s crap for pseudo intellectual, environmentally stupid folk to jerk off their conscience concerning fitness and environment.
It’s crap. So stop it!

Take care, and drive safely,

Gifts for Enemies (Christmascalendar 2014)

Thank you for your patience, and your loyalty.
I hope you had a great Christmas, and if you receoved any of these gifts, know you are now considered an enemy by the giver of that gift…

01. Dec. 2014
02. Dec. 2014
03. Dec. 2014
04. Dec. 2014
05. Dec. 2014
06. Dec. 2014
07. Dec. 2014
08. Dec. 2014
09. Dec. 2014
10. Dec. 2014
11. Dec. 2014
12. Dec. 2014
13. Dec. 2014
14. Dec. 2014
15. Dec. 2014
16. Dec. 2014
17. Dec. 2014
18. Dec. 2014
19. Dec. 2014
20. Dec. 2014
21. Dec. 2014
22. Dec. 2014
23. Dec. 2014
24. Dec. 2014
25. Dec. 2014

31. Dec. 2014

Please, don’t forget, the wonderful guys over at Regular Ordinary Swedish Meal Time had a great calendar too!

Floral/Fungal Journal – 2 Truths (ep9)

Although Xavani had told her that people had drunken lots of it, they were reportedly all male, and the nectar had an effect on them as Naga poison. Following her mad thoughts Eidomas reason sprung to life, dousing the flames all around. “There will be cleansing, one day.” she stammered, rushing up, confusing and nauseated she looked around the smoldering forest and the sad rest of the palisade. Growing ever stronger the voice of reason in her mind urged her to leave instead of fight. She sensed Gulius and Xavani watching her, still withing earshot. Something inside her happened, reason and madness began to blurr into one another. “Wicked fires, doused by the damp form of truth, shadows of lie cast aside by the light of one true salvation, delievered unto peace, the children sleep. Sleep my child.” Guius wanted to to jump back, held back only by the look that Eidoma gave him from a far. “She know she could just walk away, but she has fallen too deep. There is no return for her now.” he explained to Xavani who was staring back to the fungal woman with a lot of guilt. “Liberated by the one we dreaded the most, now in peace we lay don our head to sleep.” she mumbled. Gulius grabbed Xavani by the arm and ran away from the site as fast as his legs would permit.

Behind them thunder rocked the earth, a wave of heat washed over them, carrying spores and polen from bushes, trees and mushrooms with it further away into the forest on republican soil.

Regardless of the spectacle of flame, smoke and wind behind them Gulius and Xavani kept running. “Stop please!” Xavani gasped for air, reluctantly Gulius stopped, from the side she could see strems of sweat mixed with streams of tears on his face. She wanted to address it but couldn’t find words that would be adequate to be used in a delicate situation as the one she had found herself in. “She was my best friend for all of our lives,” he noticed her gaze. “and the love of my life.” he added, suppressing the urge to scream. They were still too close to the border.

“I don’t,” Xavani paused. “During the occupation of your people, I was fighting your comrades. Hated you folks when I just saw your skin blazing through the snowy branches, or green leaves. My father, my brother and my husband, they were all murdered. My husband before my very eyes, after we were captured.” Xavani looked at her stumps again. All the pent up hatred resurfaced, the agony and humiliation she had received since her capture fuelled the hatred further. “But I have learned a valuable lesson from my time in the resistance. Carry on. Bring the agony to your fists, and repay the world!” she yearned to clench fists, staring at the bandaged stumps. “But what ever your losses may be, carry on. As long as you physically can.”

Gulius nodded, still weeping silently.

Together with Eidoma the rage of the fire died out, leaving only the forest and the palisade to fuel it. Saddened he bowed his head. “Together we walk through the long night, joined hands I rest assured that beneath my feet there will always be salvation, absolution and home. Good night princess of my heart.” he turned away facing towards south east. “If my knowledge doesn’t betray me, the republic’s capitol lies in that direction.”

25. Dec. 2014

There is no item here today. Christmas in Europe is on the eve of the 24th.

There was a bit of dissing of spiritual stuff this year. I will NOT apologise for that. I’m going to sell you something. For 0.00$ incl. shipping and handling:


Spirituality takes place in your heart and your soul. If you have difficulty connecting with the spiritual, with nature and the endless energies of the universe – that problem lies within you.
Your own subconcsious. Your own thoughts.

You don’t need a pillar, a showerhead, some nativity scene or other crap. No sprays, and scents, or figurines.

You need to work on yourself.

There is no chemtrail conspiracy. It’s dirt, yes, but not chemical poison.
There are no morgellons. Delusions.
Vaccines are your friend.
Endorphines should go rushing? Do sports. Or have a hearty laugh.
Breastmilk, is breastmilk. It isno special spooky liquid that can connect you on a spiritual level to your kid.

Stop acting and buying/selling STUPID. Love one another, be kind. Stop seeing ghosts that aren’t there, and work on yourself.

In that regard, I whish you a blessed, and merry christmas/chanukah/kwanza/etc.

Take care,


Nativity cuddlers

Athena as Mary,
Odin as Joseph,
Lilky as Baby Jesus,
Fritz as Balthasar,
Otto Ferdinand as Caspar,
Pingu as Melchior,
Teddy and Emma as Shepherds,


and Arthemis as Angel.

Merry Christmas!

24. Dec. 2014

Merry Christm – WHAT THE FRAK?!?!?!?!?!

WTFThis bronce made showerhead, coated in gold, has a 27 crystal whirl chambers built into it, for the prize of a mere 9,970.00 EUro. Alternatively, diamond chambers, it costs merely 12,500.00 euro!

Water, according to this website, loves to move, in whirls and spirals. This should bring YOU more energy.
Quote from the website (translated): “In the center of a spiral speeds go theoretically towards infinity.” Holy shit! We reach Warp 10 in the center of a spiral? Does that mean the water is EVERYWHERE in the universe at once? Are we all going to drown in this Warp10 Water as soon as some “too rich for his own good” schmuck turns this crap on?
Let’s return to reality for a moment.
NOTHING can go faster than light, or even approach it. If you brought water to those speeds, it would instantly vaproise into oblivion. If it wouldn’t the water shooting out of this showerhead would tear holes through you, the shower, the planet and your energy levels would reach absolute zero asap.

“The widening of the molecular structure, enables an electron exchange…” so after you’re perforated, you’re getting zapped by an electrical surge.

“More oxygen in shower cabin” – the electrical charge will ignite the oxygen.

“No use of Iron, or Iron metals: As known from the literature, iron prohibits magic y the portal creates magic room and works magic …” they didn’t know how to end that paragraph, perhaps because the magic room is expanding?

“…,more and more room is being created anew!” now also REAL space is constantly expanding? Despite the fact that every second space all aropund you, inside you, is constantly expanding, therefore space (and thus room) is ALWAYS expanding, created in this very moment! Whether this thing is on, or not.

“Spirals are created in each second anew because of pressure and geometry, and helps you find into the present.” If you are THIS displaced from the space-time-continuum that you need a bronce showerhead with crystals in it to return you, you need help. More than a showerhead in the face could provide…

If you have people in your life that are displaced in time (Call the Doctor? No. He can’t help.), in desperate need of being electrocuted (electron exchange), set on fire (extra oxygen + electricity = fire), perforated by water at infinite speeds while drowning in an ever expanding room – invest your cash in this shower head.
In case it doesn’t work as advertised – you can use the shower head as a blunt weapon.

23. Dec 2014


The 3D elk is the perfect gift for anyone incapable of hunting, yet desperate to display an animal head mounted on the wall.
Nothing says “You suck at hunting you pretentious prick” like this.

22. Dec. 2014

22ZADKIEL Angel of the year 2015
2015 is the zear of Jupiter, and Zadkiel, an angel from the followers of the Archangel Michael, is the ambassador for 2015

Jupiter grants wishes
Realise your Lifepurpose

Is it just me or does the angel itself look like someone had taken a glassdildo and glued blue fairywings on it? So if you have a religous dimwit, who is in desperate need of some dildoeing while praying to the supposed angel of mercy who stopped Abraham from sacrificing Isaak to guide her through 2015 – these 279,95 Euro are well spent.