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Oh yes, that thing!

It is this simple:
-the stupid thing rings
-you pick it up
-talk
-finish the conversation
-hang up

Or:

-you dial a number
-pick up
-wait for the other to pick up
-talk
-finish the conversation
-hang up

End of story.

It isn’t fracking rocket science.

But the simplicity of the technology was too overwhelming for you idiots out there “we can be reached via telephone from 06:57 till 11:59 and from 12:32 till 16:42” frak you!
“You have reached the answering machine (voicemail) of Xaver Fratzenbraten, leave a message after the beep.” No. No I will not leave a message. Pick up your god damn phone you useless piece of filth.

With the advent of caller ID and smartphones, you can decide whether to pick up or not, by knowing who it is that is calling, before picking up.
But this is also the tricky part: If you aren’t going to answer calls from numbers you don’t know, don’t give away your fracking number!

If you have a smart- or regular old cellphone – PICK IT UP!!!
There is nothing more annoying than calling someone who has no meeting, is not driving, should be readily available 24/7 and the frakker never picks up the bloody phone!

Don’t get me started on the whole ringtone topic, or the newest atrocity: Music I, the caller, have to listen to while, waiting for you, the called, to pick up. Usually it’s some crappy tune onr can’t stand after hearing it the second time, certainly it’s violence inducing after the radio played it twenty times a day for eight weeks straight, and now YOU made me listen to it while waiting for you to answer? Frak you!

So, up there it is, a simply and handy guide to phone usage. Make it your cellphone background as a frakking reminder, or print it out and glue it to your case.

Oh and one simple rule, if yuo are on the phone – don’t yell. Don’t scream your everyday conversations, these things can be regulated in volume, and it functions in a way you don’t have to yell the distance away, okay?

Pick up,
A.

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