If you are like me, you can’t wait for an opportunity to hit the keys and type away, writing stories. Or grabbing a pen or other form of writing utensil.

All the more delighting, NaNoWriMo is coming up! Today!

But there we stumble into the most devastating issue of them all, people who make writing more complicated than it truly is.
So you get “helpful advice” and writing “tips” from people who co-wrote a book on How to Publish stuff, with an astonishing track record of having co-publisbed the book on How to Publish stuff.

Look people, writing ain’t that hard, here:

1. You make a schedule, you end up doing homework. Chores. Nothing with passion. If you have 5 minutes or more, write, ditch the schedule.

2. You make an outline, you will probably deviate so far from your outline, your outline describes another story. Keep it vague, if you do outline.

3. You find a place where you can write, and I assure you, you’ll either write about the magnificence of that place, or not at all because you are distracted by the magnificence of that place. (Stay away from Starbucks, you pretentious halfwitted sacks of wasted skin!)

4. Measuring anything is for dick measuring contests, not for writing. Creating pressure with a creative process is like demanding water to flow upwards (on its own). Unless you are a type-whore writing other people’s ideas, in which case, know that I despise you.

5. You ain’t never written anything longer than a page: do not write a novel. No discouragement intended, but start slow. Essays, Shortstories, and then you can start on the longer stuff.

6. Editorial is done AFTER writing. Don’t get yourself down with that stuff while writing, it can wait. Anyine telling you otherwise, is deliberately sabotaging you.

7. Forget it. Forget all of it. Not your story, or great story idea, but the advice. The aforementioned six points, other people’s “helpful advice”. Forget all of it.
If you have the creative genius inside you, you will write. Pen on paper, stick in clay, on computers of all sizes, in the woods, the bog, in the streets, … doesn’t matter. If you have that spark, you will write. Before, during and after NaNoWriMo, for the occassion, or completely unrelated. You don’t need any of these oh so helpful advises, none of the wisecracking dipshits who co-published a book on how to defecate properly in public.
So, forget it. Unless you don’t have the creativity, in which case I must inquire why you … well. Everyone has dreams.
Go at it.

Take care,
A

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