Archive for January, 2016

Life ain’t that hard, Café

Going to a café pught to be a relaxing experience, unless you’re employed there. But of course, there are people, who make this a vivid nightmare with their intolerable behaviour.

It is not that difficult, avoid the following behaviour, to avoid serious consequences:

★If your order takes longer to recite than Edgar Allen Poe’s ‘the Raven’, rethink your life. This is a Café, not the poetry slam.
★In addition, if your order takes longer to prepare than to grow fraking coffee, kill yourself. I need caffeeine.
Now.
★Togo is an African country with 6.8 million people in it. Let’s leave it at that. Coffee “to go” is a “no go”. If you want coffee to go, you don’t need more caffeine or sugar, but THC to slow you the frak back down! Maybe a coffeehouse in Amsterdam is more right for you?
★If you want to get work done, (and can’t at home or the office for some reason) fine. Go find yourself a secluded room, or niche, somewhere, but if you’re sitting in the center of the main serving room, with your laptops or tablets, then you’re posing, you want to be seen (and talked to). But you’re NOT working.
★Apple products are for posers. Get a real computer. You sit there with an apple product, I know you’re just posing, not ‘creating’. I am at liberty to bludgeon you with your iShit until my arms get sore.
★Art discussions of ALL sorts belong to either a themed establishment, or a museum. You’re pretentious cunts. STFU.
★Gluten-, Lactose-, Sugarfree, Vegan… You have any (or worse, all) of this, then you will be disembowled with a wooden cooking spoon, right there at your table, streamed live with your iCrap!
★You have a manbun, and are not a Japanese man from the middle ages (or an actor currently portraying one) – better be Mokiki, or your head will be shaved clean after I have beaten you unconscious with your iDreck. Keep that repulsive ugly eyesore away from the public, you filthy creep.
★Decaff. Better make that decap, as in decapitated! You want coffee without the thing that makes coffee the magic stuff, you are not deserving of coffee. You are deserving of water. Stale water. But coffee without caffeine is like fun, without enjoyment. If you’re saying that you can’t drink caffeine this late and find sleep – go, sleep. Return in the morning. When you can appreciate the taste AND the caffeine, you pathetic, weak, whimp! You want coffee, or you don’t. But you can’t have coffee that isn’t coffee.
★Alcoholfree Beer. Listen, if you feel the need to drink stale piss, there are places these wishes can (and will) be granted. But please, do not drink this waste-sludge vapor where I can see it, or else that bottle will be used to beat and cut you.
★You must remember this, a kiss is still a kiss….but dry humping is a felony, get out. Making out in public, no. It’s cute that you love (or at least desire) each other, but no one actually likes seeing that. Those who say they do, lie. So, again, kissing is okay, anything more than kissing (up to and including actual intercourse) is not okay. Get a room.
★Tipping is not a town in China. Why does this even need to be said this day and age? Tip, your fraking, waiter/waitress. Period.
★As always, keep your gods away from the public. (You fast? Stay home. Prayer time? Stay home. Need to make sacrifice? Stay home. Your clergy/faith doesn’t like what is served/done there? Stay home. etc.)

In conclusion, as always when writing behavioural guidelines for the semi public, just don’t act like a douche. Be a human being, act like Star Trek was reality (as in: BE KIND), and don’t make life harder than it actually is.

Take care,
A.

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Finn Journal – 4 Exodus ep.14

Unhappy, but complacent, Ferlon froze two stags and three boars in crystal. Gyle had kept them in a fenced off area further downhill as provision when mating season came. Unlike most men he gave his seed willingly to Serpentine, for her eggs to have enough nutrition her poison went into the animal so she could devour it, instead of him. He intended to be not short in supply where ever they were going.
To his further dislike the four did not comply to be frozen in crystal either. The older boy by the name of Aleksandyr, immediately took to play with the two girls on deck, after all they had been of similar age. Serpentine watched together with Ytha and Gela, little Wyrm in her arms. The name had come from long debates, finally one of the names the crystalserpent was known by made it.
“Are they heroes?” Venia had grabbed Ferlons arm, he looked blindly over the length of the deck, his mood was low. “Heroes are made by their own actions and choice, they are not born.” he sighed, turning back to stare into the distance from the bow of the ship. “But they have great potential to becone heroes. The boys are by their mere existence miracles, the floral girl is the first, and so far only, floral capable to yield magic and Wythona,” he trailed off staring to the side with an empty expression.
“Enough talk. We must depart once again.”

The fog around the ship cleared quickly, snapping the sails filled with air and immediately waves rocked the ship from bow to stern, from starboard to backboard. Excitement was written into faces of the children, mixed with fear. Seasickness spoke the expressions of Ytha, Crys and Gela, whilst Serpentine and Venia, as well as Ferlon were not impressed by the way the ship rocked. Dark clouds, releasing heavy rain into the fierce winds omitted daylight.
Before them a group of ships danced atop the waves. Upon first glance Venia could tell that they were all from different origins. Human ships from Galnerra, and Norsers, an Albin galley, a fungal ship, by the presence of canons Venia knew it was from the empire, and two or three more ships which Venia couldn’t identify, although one of them looked somewhat familiar to the vessels the owls took to sea.
Whilst they all seemed to be toys, lost amidst the furious waves of nature, Ferlons ship, although rocked, plowed through the waters, soon catching up with the other ships.
Ethereal shimmers emitted from the ships except the owl ship which seemed to be built for storms. Their sails were in worse shape than the other ships.
A tiny flash from one of the unknown ships drew Venias attention as she clung on to a few of the many ropes, a fire ball shot across the path of their vessel, striking tbe owl ship. Severely dampened by the moist conditions the impact was far from spectacular.
When Ferlons ship reached the center of the ships the winds suddenly stopped tgeir fury, only rain remained. On the deck of the formerly unknown ship Venia could make out the people known to her as bats.
On another unknown ship humans appeared on deck, the wore the garments of the desert wraith, on another she spied a crew of bees, unlike their hives, the crew seemed to be of mixed gender.
The ships around them sat in silence for a few moments. As with the children in the storm fear now too clutched at Venias heart. They sat after all between two arch enemies, and a battleship of the fungal empire.
Muffled thunder roared behind them, Venia caught sight of smoke rising from a canon aboard the warship, but no cannonball. “I stopped it.” Ferlon smirked, a hint of relief echoed in his voice, close to the edge of the world his poweres seemed replenished.
Thundering almost as violently as a lightning bolt the sails all around them filled with air, the most diverse fleet in the history of the world sailed onward. Just a shipslength from the outermost ships the storm roared on, but all fierce winds inside that invisible birder seemed to be directed into the sails of the ships, while the sea remained calm, smoothing their journey. Although people aboard the other ships seemed to think otherwise as they yanked on the rudders and wheels with no effect.

Life ain’t that hard, communication

There are many things segregating the peoples of this earth. Culture and religion are two of the more deeply rooted ones.

Then there’s communication. 

It separates people from the same culture, religion and, yes, even the same fraking language.

Sugar coated, silver tongued words are incomprehensible to simple blokes (like me). Religious, bloated texts from the bronze age, are incomprehensible (and thus “true”) to anyone who lacks critical thinking.
The slang from the “ghetto” is nigh incomprehensible to the uptown folk.

But that isn’t what I want to adress here.

It’s the following shit, as usual with my solutions to the issues at hand:

■Emoji – Look, if you need to express yourself with god damn pictograms, move to ancient Egypt, or the Mayan Empire. If you need to ‘enhance’ your communication with those pictograms, you lack some essential communication skills, and should be forced to sit with your mental peers – in preschool.
■Failures at their native language – if you can’t make heads or tails of yojr native language (like “there”, “their” and “they’re” as well as other homophones), we get to beat your head with heavy thick books. Thesaurus, dictionaries, books with lots of words (and sentences, paragraphs, etc.) and no friggin pictures anywhere. (Afterwards you must read and study them!)
■Euphemisms – if you use terms that have no real world equivalent (“negative cash flow position” = broke; “fursona” = clinically insane; etc.), or any form of uber political correct language, I am going to cripple you.
And rightly so.
■Euphemisms II – in general, if you sacrifice comprehensibility on the altar of fancy speech, you lose. A small base is surely willing to follow you on your newspeak way, but the majority, isn’t. On occasion you troglodytes may utter a brilliant thing or two, but no one can understand your weird lingo!
■I don’t think it means what you think it means – You people keep using words without knowing what they mean. Before you believe someone hurling words at you that (should) scare/impress you, check those words in an actual dictionary, especially if your first impulse is to believe, or worse, repeat them (to others)! Unless you want to one day be beaten with said dictionary, in addition to making yourself look like a dumbass.
■Factcheck – if the words are used in the right context, please, before you spread factually inaccurate garbage, check the claims made in your communication. Don’t make up claims yourself. In case you don’t fact check or make up crap, it is YOU who looks like a dumb fool.
■Picture madness – if you only (or predominantly) convey shoddy information as (ill spelled/grammatically wrong) text in an image with a pseudo spiritual backdrop and imagery (or a “quote” with a picture of the “quoted”) your way of communicating is crappy. Stop communicating. At all.
■More language torture – writing in abbreviations or contractions. U kno m8? I will personally track you down and beat you with first grader books until you poop the reading rainbow! Read books, write like an adult!
■Decorations? – Did you notice this wird chicken scratch thing I keep inserting in my text? “,” – it’s called a comma. It is your friend. Use it. I may not be perfect, but I’m afraid I am better than thou, because I have had to sit through texts without any comma. Dear people who do not use commas: I will stab you in the eye!
■Signatures – I understand the need of E-Mail signatures. Inserting your contact info at the end of your Mail is common place. I do it in my private E-Mails with my social media gobshite, and at the office with the usual crap (Telephone, Fax, etc.) But if you add a disclaimer about third-party usage and so on, that is LONGER than your typical E-Mail, it’s obnoxious. If you add a passive agressive message (with hiroglyphs?) about your insecurities and selfrighteous ramblings about your life’s choices, I WILL find you, and I WILL hurt you.
■Phones – Short consise exchanges of Information. That’s what a phone call sbould be. The technology enables us to send a WHISPER around the globe, so, DON’T YELL!! You have a cellphone, pick up. If I repeatedly call and can’t reach you, I get to take away your cellphone and get you stuck with a landline again. Just so I can strangle you with the cord.
■(Tele)Fax – Stop using this out dated technology. Just stop. And if you insist on uaing it for some outlandish, primitive reason, make damn sure you have the right side facing the scanner, you wouldn’t believe how many empty faxes I have had to endure in my work.

There, was it really that hard?
Didn’t think so.
Now, get going in correct communication.

Take care,
A.

Finn Journal – 4 Exodus ep.13

To his dislike Ferlon recognized that Nysandre would notbe  contained in crystal either. Standing on the foremost point of the bow he pondered for some time. While watching the girls play on deck Venia often glanced to him. Inside his hollow hand she saw a glimmer, he mumbled while it changed.
“What do you think he is doing up there?” Crys also had turned his attention away from Nysandre and Wythona, only Ytha and Gela couldn’t help but join their play.
“Pondering our course I think.” she looked him up and down. Although he had tasted the powers of magic himself he seemed distrustful of mages and other magic users, his daughter and Wythona aside. “He is not one to hunt after the Jal’bothan.” she smiled a rather tired smile. “I know, but still.” Crys shook his head .”As father to a wonderful child, I want to know where we are going, but there is no straight answer to be found in him.”
Suddenly Ferlon turned on his heel, the sails unfolded the same moment and the ship moved away from the quay. Only at that moment did Venia and Crys notice the crowd that had gathered on the village square. All eyes lay on the ship and the unusual people aboard. “The entire village has turned up.” Crys noted dryly. An observation Venia had made herself.

After they had left visual range of the village the fog rose once more around the ship, but Venia noticed that they had not only slowed but fully stopped. From beyond the fog noises flew by as gusts of wind in a storm fly by a house.
Silence grew beyond the fog mere minutes after the noises had started. Normally they were drowned by the aching moans the ship made while moving. Temperature dropped, either they were at high altitude again or in an ice sea. It was Venias keen sense of smell that told her of the sweet water the ship had landed in. Reluctantly the fog lifted from around the ship, revealing a vast view. Beyond tall grasses were mountain ranges in the distance, mild winds, but icy in temperature blew across the steppes.
Outside a wooden hut two shapes appeared out of the fog.
A man who had his arm slung around a… Venia gasped in disbelief what she saw there on the shore of the mountain lake. A Naga stood there next to man, she held a child in her arms, he had slung his around another slightly older one. They had wings and a serpent like lower body, but they seemed unlike any Naga child she had ever seen.
They were boys.
Venia did not slither down the plank gracefully, but hard on falling downwards while the stunned family stared at them in wide wonder. As she stumbled closer in a hurry both the Naga and her human spouse shoved themselves in front of the boys, stinger and dagger raised to slash and stab her if she means ill. Panting, both from the thinner air and the heartthrobbing news of male Naga Venia stopped, swaying from left to right and back to front. Had she had knees she would’ve felt weak knees. “Are those really,?” she did not have to finish her question, Serpentine had reacted similarly when an elder Naga presented her with what had hatched from her eggs after she first had mated with Gyle. Who was a former citizen of Galnerra, who had not approved of them poisoning the breeding ground wgere Serpentine was to go, but fought her urges to do so. “Yes, they’re boys.” Serpentine lowered her stinger, reluctantly Gyle his dagger.
“How?” gasping was all Venia could do, still breathless. She would’ve thought the appearance of Naga boys would’ve been widely spread even amongst the Naga. “He is a wizard.” Serpentine grinned glancing to her beloved. “No, I’m a trickster, and this is the magic of love.” he gently ran his fingers through the short hair of his son.
Afraid to awaken from a particularly beautiful dream Venia lowered herself to eyelevel of the older boy. “In each brood I had four eggs, all of whichwere boys for the last three circles. We negotiated with the old one that we can keep these two. I long to be with all of them, but we lack the vast riches of the ocean to feed them, the security of the old ones island and cave.” Serpentine sighed gently caressing the boy in her arms.
“So we have the eldest and the first hatchling of the second brood. The third brood has hatched, but we couldn’t take care of them as of yet.” Gyle explained further while Venia gently touched the cheek of the eldest Naga boy. “The old one and her elder Naga are raising the others together with a few Naga hatchlings they had received from another breeding ground after ours had been poisoned.” the younger boy looked peaceful when Serpentine placed him in Venias arms.
Wordless she stared into the almond eyes of the little Naga boy. He was lying bare in her arms so she could plainly see him being a boy. “In time they are to be brought to the other breeding grounds and their elder guardians”
“If there still are any breeding grounds left.” Ferlon interrupted Serpentine midsentence. “Which is why we are here.” he pointed to the ship.

NEWS: Friday 15th Jan 2016 (incl. RoF)

I have struggled to write a new post for today.

Several reasons as to why, coincidentally, today’s the 15th. So it’s already covered by the birthday post. Then again, I don’t want the birthday posts to interfere with the normal operations on this blog. Added Bonus, FTW.

Another reason was that I have a lot of stuff going on ATM. And the last reason is, that I feel the need to justify myself. At least a little bit.

You see, there was a lot of stuff going in the last few months – in the world, I mean. You might have heard of these things going down.

Terrorist attacks, lunatic people, refugee crisis, sexual herassment and mass groping (up to mass rape).
I have remained silent on my blog. Invoking the appearance as if these posts had been made in advance.

Which is true.

The other thing is, I don’t want the tragedies of the real world derail me. Yes, it’s an ego thing. Partially.

I am an easily enraged person, a (little) choleric.
So whenever saomething injust happens I get angry. And as many of you may or may not know, if you write shit in an angry mood, it’s just that. Shit.

If I try to tone down my rage fueled hatred, it ends up being empty. If I let the hate flow through me, the texts seem like tempertantrums thrown by Kylo ren as he trashes a room. (yes, I’ve seen the movie! It was AWESOME!)

In addition: I refuse to let Terror win.
Terrorists do shit, we grind to a halt and write about it. Our empathy, our outrage, our hatred.
Derailing our plans, our ideas, and changing our world.
They win. We lose.
Unless they shoot me down, I will go on as before. That way, we win.

Anyway.

This is the reason why I am not going to comment on all this crap that is going on in the world. Terrorist attacks, refugee crisis, (armed?) militias  forming in my country (that has happened only once in history before, and shortly after we got annexed by Hitler Germany…go think about that for a moment or two!), sexual assaults on new years eve, “arm length distance” reactions to that by the mayor of that city…no. I will not comment on it.
Maybe later.
Probably never.

Again, they win. We lose.

That is also the reason why I hadn’t commented on Lemmy’s death, or David Bowie’s death, and why I won’t comment on Alan Rickman’s death.

Regarding Rings of Fate: I still need to tweak a few things here and there, get the (one) graphic right, and decide on a proper schedule. I hope to have it up and available by end of the month, but no promises….BTW: My connection to Facebook somehow won’t function properly… O.o

Until next time, stay safe, take care,
A.

Crappy Birthday in January

image

Christmas is finally over, but let’s stay classy!

With this wonderful plastic accessory for your cake! Or cupcake, or muffin. Or festive broccoli if you’re vegan.

It’s a chandelier for a cake (or…)!

Perfect for the truly classless classy people who don’t care for counting candles (seven), and celebrating in unstyle.
It is reusable, which is advertised on the packaging, so if you’re perpetually celebrating seventh birthday, here you go!

As always,
Crappy Birthday,
A.

Finn Journal – 4 Exodus ep.12

Ponderous Venia squinted her eyes. The time she was given couldn’t have been as close. “Arriving early is not a crime.” Ferlon would later tell her with a peaceful smile.
“I am honored that you came!” he bowed before the family Venia had led out on the quay. “The honor is ours. Times are changing and the promise to bring us from harms way is too generous!” Crys bowed as well.
After pleasantries had been exchanged Ferlon led the new arrivals onto his ship. Withou talking to him, or knowing him all too well Venia could telk of a sorrow that hung over Ferlon like a cloud.
Sitting in quiet meditation on deck she found Nicodia as reason for his sorrow. “You staxed aboard?” Venia had slithered to her. “Against his wishes, but I struck a deal with him.”
“Oh?”
“His powers are waning, I give him nectar.”
Venia nodded slowly. As quietly as she had slithered to the young Floral she returned, Nicodia closely behind her. Curiosity about the new passengers had been victorious over her need to enjoy some dim sunrays in silence. Astonished she grabbed Venias shoulder, around the hand of Nysandre a rain of flowers had appeared. “Rember what the old owl had told us?” all color had vanished from Nicodia when Venia turned to look at her. “About the child that will be all you strive to be for your people?” hasteful nods were the reply Venia received. “Quite vividly.” Venia said with little emotion in her voice. “Do you remember what she had said about the boys?” Venia emphasized her question, knowing that Nicodia did remember. Neither had given the prophecies of the old owl much thought. “I had thought she was crazy, but if she was right about Nysandre, she might slso be right about the boys.” once again Venia retreated below the deck.
Her thoughts seemed to steer her on towards the Naga in the crystal. Curious she settled down in front of the half dozen eggs. How could she be certain that they were ordinary Naga eggs?
“They are normal.” Ytha stepped out of the darkness, Wythona as usual at her side. Behind them Ferlon showed the young family around the ship. With only a small difference in age tbe two girls spotted one another and smiled. Gela let go of Nysandre as Ytha let go of Wythona. Only moments later they played some game they had made up on the spot. “How can you know?”
“I’m part Banshee. If something lives I know what it is, and these are girls.” Ytha watched her ward but spoke plainly as if not a moment had passed.