Archive for May, 2016

Crappy Birthday, literally, May 2016

Finally a useful gift. Somewhat.
You’d have to buy this shit in stacks to have a plentiful supply of Shitpile emoji masks for your relatives, friends and acquaintances.
No wrapping, no ceremonial exchange, just enter the room (party) with a disdainful expression and slap the shit emoji mask on the recipient, telling them and everyone around you what you think of the jubilant.

(Hint, you think they’re shit!)

Alternatively, you can wear the shitmask every time you visit/see them, to make them as uncomfortable as possible. Imagine the endless opportunities here…
12.99€ well spent.

http://www.amazon.de/dp/B0144OD8RY/ref=tsm_1_fb_lkKill yourself.

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Life ain’t that hard, gardening

Having a garden, or sufficiently large balcony to pot some plants, might get you to try your hand at gardening.
But if you listen to the people who do it, it sounds like fraking rocket science. Especially the hippy type characters who run a gardening blog or shit like that.

Life ain’t that hard, it’s simple. Really it is, plants have been on land longer than any animal has, so that shit knows how to propagate, right?

Step 1 – take your seed or seedling that you obtained from a trusted source of your discretion, put it in soil. Boom. Finished.
Step 2 – care for it like you would a pet. Give it some daylight (you’ll either figure it out how much, or have just one option on your balcony), plenty of water (don’t drown it, don’t dry it up) and
Step 3 – feed it. Yes, feed it. Fertiliser! Either purchase some of your choosing, or make your own (kitchen scraps, anything that decomposes but if you are smell aware, don’t use meat, diary products or the like. Plants are essentially cannibals.)
Step 4 – Plants. Reap your harvest, or enjoy your pretty flowers, what have you.
Step 5 – Rinse and Repeat. Unless you have perennials.

There, saved you a ton of browsing through the internet and getting confused by the Hippies. If anyone tries to shove shit down your pipe about gardening, referr them to this list.
Consise, and true.

PS:
Step 6 (throw it in there somewhere) – Pest control. Unless you are running a farm, trie and use natural pest control. ladybugs eat mites. Salt kills and deterrs snails. And so on. Don’t whip out the “nukes” unless you make a living off of your gardening.

Have fun,
A.

Rings of Fate S1xE4 – Horizon – Power failure (pt.2)

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Before leaving the alpha ring they passed two more siphon intersections. Each time Johannes felt his guts turn with them. Behind them the gate closed as they manned the handles. “Back in the danger zone.” Giggling, near laughing Solomon pushed off from the gate.
“Would you shut up?” Closely behind Johannes floated through the long tunnel. “Bad enough that we are here, you don’t have to point it out.”
From ahead Johannes heard muffled laughter.
Grumbling he continued on.
Solomon stopped in front of a gate. He opened the first handle, but paused before continuing on. Puzzled he looked at the numbers emblazoned on the platings around. “That’s odd.” From his pocket he drew a pair of glasses. “You don’t have a connection if the power is out.” Johannes approached one of the other handles.
“Don’t open that.” Putting hia leaver back in the recess Solomon worked on his glasses. “I don’t need a connection, normally I’d be too embarrassed to admit it, but I kept getting lost on this ship in the beginning, so I downloaded the specs.” With a few gestures in empty air he opened the plans of the Horizon. “Just as I thought, this gate shouldn’t be closed, we’re not at the beta ring yet.”
Immediately Johannes pushed away from the leaver. “Is there a hull breach?” With a certain undertone of panic Johannes fidgeted in his pockets for his glasses.
“I doubt it, but we can’t know for sure.” Still studying the detailed plans he turned around a few times. “There,” pointing to the leaver that Johannes had wanted to open. “Next to that leaver should be a hatch. Open it.” Reluctantly Johannes did fumble with the opening mechanism.
A hydraulic hiss filled both men with a moment of sheer terror. “It’s a crawl space, leading along the cryogenic vault.”
“The what?” Still shaking the medical doctor turned around. “In case all rings would be destroyed, and the crew killed, some people had been put into cryogenic suspension, the ship would arrive at RV-p 296 and revive them, so not all was lost. It’s a little known fact.” He further explained that the crawl space would normally be depressurized too, but when a tube was flooded it too was as a security precaution.
After descending into the crawl space they closed the hatch. Other hatches led to other tubes, running parallel to the crawlspace and the tube they had come from, Johannes noticed. Once inside he understood why Solomon hadn’t thought about the crawl space in the first place.
It was incredibly narrow, without gravity that meant they had to be careful not to bump into anything. Next to them were circular lids, a tiny clear window allowed to look inside. People were visible. Johannes knew that they were in cryogenic suspension, but they seemed more like corpses in a morgue, their seemingly lifless features sent chills down his spine.
“Is there a way of knowing whether there was a hull breach in the section we’re circumnavigating?”
“Not for sure.” Solomon decided to go to the beta ring all the way, that way the risk was lower. “There are several tubes in the length axis, yes?”
“Jup!”
“How come the siphons were spinning around this one? Shouldn’t they be serving all tubes?”
Solomon sighed. Although he had the blueprints, he was not in the mood to explain. “Maybe it slipped your attention, but the siphon sections are a lot broader. To ensure safety during maintenance and repair they’re flooded as well, traffic is routed around them unless it’s unavoidable, halted if people are inside.” Solomon stopped, he reached to his right hip, only to reach into thin air. Close to panic he looked around.
This did not remain unnoticed by his companion. “What’s wrong?” He too wished for the sidearm, but seeing they were all alone with other humans and a bunch of cats noone saw fit to be carrying them. “There was a strange sound, not human, nor feline.” The cryogenic units had an independent power supply, but didn’t draw much of it, as they were well insulated from heat by the vacuum of the tubes and crawl spaces.
Still they didn’t tie into the main computer, other than their statuses they did not transmit any data, received none. Distraught by the noise Solomon went through the blueprints, surely the ever paranoid admiralty had insalled weapons lockers in the cryo crawl spaces. After a meter or two he had found what he was looking for. Disguised as a normal cryogenic chamber.
At first Johannes was shocked when his friend opened the chamber but welcomed the gun that floated towards him with gratitude.
“Don’t engage the laser! Just pull the trigger, the overcharged needles will do the rest.” Momentarily they continued through the narrowness.
After a few meters both held on to the rails, the other hand at the gun. Both had heard the weird noise. “Definitely not human or feline. Maybe the cryo chambers?” Johannes’ voice was begging for Solomon to say yes, but the Admiral just shook his head.
A slight draft in the direction they were heading made the two even more uneasy, suddenly a shape rushed by in the direction of a hatch, a moment later the hydraulic hiss of it closing called them to action.
Hastily the two floated to the hatch, immediately Solomon tried opening it but found it impossible. “Solomon.”
“It won’t open. ”
“Solomon!”
Still the Admiral tried to open the hatch, Johannes grabbed him by one shoulder, jerked him around. Opposite of the hatch, at the next cryogenic chamber sat a weird device that obviously wasn’t part of the ship, or the cryo equipment. An antenna of sorts extended to the small window, data in strange scribbling flashed on a small screen.
“What the hell?”
As soon as he had discovered the device Johannes had initiated a recording on his glasses. “I figure it is scanning the person inside, if we correlate it to the data readings from the cryogenic chamber we might be able to crack their language.” Grateful that the cryogenic chamber communicated wireless Johannes drew all available data from the subject inside.
Half in panic Solomon reached for the device, but stopped at the last moment, as he thought that it might be boobytrapped. “Can we seal that hatch? I’m not so eager for company right now.” Johannes kept recording the display, noticing that the symbols started to repeat themselves.
Feeling his heart beat in his throat, Solomon turned back to the hatch. It was sealed. But from the other side, meaning the creature could reopen it at any given time.
Quickly he reached for his gun. “Seal, not blast open!” Ignoring Johannes’ protest Solomon turned the UV laser on. Using it as a blow torch he welded the edges of the hatch shut. “I am sealing it.” The calmness in his voice had a soothing effect on Johannes. “Alright, I’m getting just repeats now. Let’s get outta here.” Johannes turned the recording off and began moving onward, Solomon looked again at the welded hatch. A small part of him was curious about what was on the other side, but for the most part he was just glad that a possible threat was locked away from him.
Sudden hisses drew his attention to Johannes. The oxygen propelled needles from his gun clinked against the hull of the crawl space. A hissing growl from farther ahead was the reply.
“What?” Johannes held on to the rail with his left, the gun in his right was shaking. “Another one of these things, maybe the same. While we stopped back there it could’ve double backed to the next hatch, could it?”
Solomon shook his head, ahead was no other hatch, except one leading to the Beta Ring siphon section. He too took out his gun, turning the setting from laser to needle. If in deed it was an unknown creature he didn’t want to kill it.
Unless necessary.
Something hit the wall next to the two men, leaving a scorchmark. Immediately both backed away a little, realizing that there was no cover for them, but the creature was sufficiently small enough to duck close to the cryogenic chamber lids. Another hit struck the wall above a cryo lid.
Solomon and Johannes returned fire with the needles.
With a screech the creature tried to flee but got struck. Immediately the electric discharge of the needles paralysed it.
Seizing its weapon Solomon left the creature defenseless, Johannes immediately grabbed its upper extremities, hoping that those were the the hands. “It’s small.” He noted, if it stood upright it might be as tall as his hip.
Examination would have to wait both decided non verbally as they heard ruttling noise from the sealed hatch. Quickly they pushed and pulled onwards to the hatch leading to the beta ring siphons.

 

War Journal – 1 Swift Wings (ep12)

“Time for breakfast.” Fathala’s words had a melody to them, fanning the flames of his anger anew. Growling, as if he was the wolf he had seen during the night, he rose, looking behind Fathala he saw his father packing up his belongings. “Weather is going to turn worse,” he mumbled, looking at the grey sky through the canopy of bare twigs and brown leaves.”Where we cone from weatger is always worse, father.” he sounded angrier than he intended, but not as angry as he felt. “True, but where we come from we know the land, we know every tree and every blade of grass, we know that nothing lurks in the shadows of our woods, and that there are no people around out to slay us where we sleep.” Eric rose as Leif at the bowl of nuts and berries that Fathala had collected while he slept. “At least bad weather slows them as well as us.” feigning interest Leif nodded to his father’s remark. Soon after breaking fast the three set out again, the forest did not change about them, Fathala kept to the muddy road, slithering along the tracks hundreds of thousands of carts had left in the ground, whilst Leif walked several paces ahead to the left of the road, while Eric krpt close to the Naga on the right. Although exhaustion caught up wih them at evenfall Fathala and Eric pressed on after Leif long had fallen behind them. Once again Fathala surprised her companions when she raised her left hand and a cold blue-ish shimmer flowed from it. Both men knew that it was not magic that caused that glow, but biology, a trait the sweetwater Naga had retained and shared with their saltwater cousins. “I’m exhausted.” Fathala sank to the ground leaning against a boulder, a small village that had been abandoned, or torn down, ages ago, was around them. The ruins of a few houses was to both sides of the road, the boulder belonged to the circle church that once had dominated the village mainroad. “My light exhausts me more than our march alone could’ve.” ruefully she looked to Eric. “No need for apologies, we have come farther than I had hoped.” he lied, he didn’t know how far they had come, nor had he any idea how far they could’ve come. But it was true that they had made excellent progress. Leif sank down leaning against an old apple tree that had grown in the churchyard’s gate. “Finally!” he sighed, normally he would’ve argued with Eric over the disapproving noise the.elder man made as reply, but within moments Leif had drifted off to sleep. Light sleep, but sleep nonetheless.Grumbling in annoyance Eric built a fire, sparked it like Fathala had, since his son was asleep he had no reason to hide his capabilities. Before the two had given in to their exhaustion they had entered the churchyard, but only two paces in Fathala had sat down, and as soon as Leif had caught up with them he had sat down too. Between the two Eric had raised his fire. Obviously neither his eunuch knight, nor the young Naga were used to tiring work and little to no sleep. From experience Eric knew he could go for another day full of hard labour, or equally exhausting march. Begotten to thinking he stared into the flames, undisturbed by the wolf that walked into view after an hour or two. Eric sensed the othera of his pack close by. For a little while the wolf wandered around the camp, his neckfur roughed up and pacing careful as it stayed ready to attack, or defend itself should the creatures of the fire launch an attack. Then the wolf sniffed reluctantly at both Fathala and Leif before it retreated into the night again. Dawn broke after another two hours after the wolf had.come to visit, and with dawn Eric woke Fathala and Leif. Neither was too thrilled.To his surprise neither objected. After leaving the village the road wound through hills, forest regrew where once farmland had driven off the trees. Judging by the thickness of he stems Eric concluded the fields had been abandoned for half a century longer than the village, which was left to decay about a hundred years ago. “How much longer?” Leif was annoyed by the lush forests, and lack of progress to his eyes. “Two weeks? One and a half if we make good way.” Fathala’s prognosis stunned him for words, clenching his jaw tight he marched on, racing ahead a few paces.Sleep, she knew, would come in scarce until hey arrived at the sweetwater sea. Perchance she persuade them to rest at Reedheim. Villagers there wouldn’t be all to thrilled to see the likes of her, but since Galnerra declared war on the Norsers they welcomed any guests with suspicion. She took solace in that.”Best we avoid Reedheim then.” Eric had elaborated to her that he couldn’t read any mind, but only the thoughts a magic wielder blurted out, and told her how to shield herself she had not heeded his advice. “Maybe. But we need the rest.” “We don’t need the rest, but I would like the privacy of a room with you alone.” she felt both his smirk and his arousal as if it were her own feelings. “I’m looking forward to it myself.” she too smirked, arousal stirred in her loins, confusing her with the intensity, she knew only from mating season.Apologetic Eric smiled at her, his mind withdrawing from hers. For Fathala it felt like an eternity until nightfall, since Eric was tiring himself she had not to put her light to use. Campfire chased off the darkness of the forest, Leif was soon off to sleep leaving her alone with Eric. Still she felt her loins ache for him, as he surely longed for her. “We can’t.” she sighed. “Not without walls around us, can we?” she stared into the flames, seeing him only peripheral. “I wouldn’t feel.comfortable.” he said, also staring into the flames. “Naga have done it almost only in the open. We’re not very accustomed to the indoors, although we sweetwater Naga dwell in caves and the Pyramid.” she had.learned another thing from Eric, how to reach out her mind with her powers. Walls seemed to appear to Eric, stone walls, entirely lit by the blue light of a Naga’s hand. “This is my home.” Fathala appeared out ofthe darkness beyond the light, which slowly turned orange, walls fading into the darkness of the woods around them. As she had before felt him, he then had felt her longing. Gently he grabbed her forearm and drew her into his arms, caressing her cheek with his other hand a she drew her closer fora passionate, yet soft, kiss. “Could you reach out to your wife?””No, she was not gifted with magic.” she felt his manhood pressing hard against her. “Then reach out for me, now.” her huge wings unfolded, pushing the two of them from he ground, several meters from the campfire’s stirred flames she landed, her hands immediately took on undoing Eric’s clothing, still locked in his kiss, it felt as if heir.mend were melting together. She felt his touch as well as touching her body, Eric felt her and felt as her. Slowly wandering farther away from the campfire, dropping clothes off of Eric along the way, they lay down on a clearing.

Cabin of Death under repair.

“Dear tenants, please notw that from the 2nd of May until the 12th of May 2016 this elevator willbe offline, due to maintenance and repair. We are sorry for the inconvenience.”

Alright.
I am not burning down the house.
Yet.

I live on the 6th floor, or the 7th if you can’t count right (a.k.a. American), which means on a normal weekday I go down once in the morning, and ideally, up once in the afternoon. If there’s an “emergency” more often in both directions.

This time span includes a weekend, a holiday and a banking holiday. I hope that am all ten days from rhe earliest hour possible, until the latest possible, there will be men (amd women?) laboring hard to improve our technological standard and safety.
Because of not, I will become irked.
And then I will burn shit.
So I leave the house at 6am, there better be a bunch of schmucks greeting me with a smile and greasy faces ready to weld something, including the banking day, and holiday.
Or you turn the darn thing back on during the four day weekend you and your lazy jerkoffs are going to take, now are you?

I know, they will not be turning it on, and I know, they will not be working from 6am till 10pm, but at least I was able to let off some steam…

Take care, and steer clear of elevators…
A.

Rings of Fate S1xE4 – Horizon – Power failure (pt.1)

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Peaceful lightness, not a single ounce of weight pulled on Johannes Falkner. The middle aged medical doctor floated behind Admiral Solomon Grienberg. “How far do we have to go?” Slowly the Admiral turned his head to face Johannes. “Quite some distance Joe.” The smirk on his lips was making him smile too. “Jawohl mein Admiral!” Johannes saluted jokingly. Since they met twenty years earlier in preparation for the mission, the two had been friends. One of the first conversations they had was forever etched in Johannes’ mind. “How do you pronounce it again?” Former member of the israeli military Solomon, sat puzzled next to Johannes. “For fuck’s sake, just call me Joe, or if you insist Hans, but don’t try to say my idiotic name!”
Every time that Solomon called him Joe since, while smiling that smirk, Johannes was reminded of that day. “What do you suppose has caused that power out?”
Handling from ledge to ledge the two men floated through the tube inside the Horizon’s sub Alpha ring. “Wish I knew.” Was the short reply from Solomon. An hour ago a power failure had been detected a moment later only emergency lights were on in the command centre. Ordering the others to stay at their positions the two men embarked. One of the tubes in the network had been offline, and pressurized, for a routine maintenance inspection after an adjacent tube through the entirety of the Horizon had shut down for unknown reasons.
An uneasy feeling grew in Johannes. “Where are we?”
“Junction 17 subalpha, tube 4.”
“In space I mean.”
Just replying with “Oh.” Solomon had to thinkthink for a moment. “Outside the solar system, somewhere close to where the Ark1 had it’s incident.” After a pause he asked why Johannes wanted to know.
Uncertain as to why himself Johannes didn’t reply but followed the Admiral. Before them a wide siphon opened up into the faulty tube along the length axis of the ship. Normally the tube they were in would be rotating, so the spherical transport cab would be pushed down their tube, pushed out by the magnetic fields of the tubes.
“We need to go to the sub gamma section, main reator is there, perhaps they can tell us what is going on.”
Johannes knew, they had gone over that plan before leaving. A blackout of the magnitude they experienced shouldn’t occur. There were backups that should prevent such a thing from happening.
The two men stopped for a moment. Ahead of them was a vast tunnel. Two cab lengths from the alpha ring there was an airlock door. When a transit was in progress they opened to let a cab through, and closed right behind the cab, or cabs.
“Maintenance protocol, the tube is pressurized here, but should also on the other side, in case of a catastrophic pressure failure. If I’m mistaken, there is vacuum on the other side.” Solomon stopped in front of the door by grabbing a hold of a step that was hidden in the wall. They were there for maintenance crews.
“Let me guess, we have no way of going through there. If you suggest we open it by force, need I remind you what happens when you get exposed to vacuum?” Johannes looked back. “Or an atmosphere severely thinned if we open that?”
“Relax Joe,” smirking, “there was atmosphere this morning.”
Still feeling uneasy about the enterprise Johannes watched Solomon approach the manual opening mechanism. In a recess near the portal was a leaver which he pulled, he repeated the procedure two more times before the portal, looking like a camera shutter, opened silently. Relieved that there hadn’t been hissing of escaping atmosphere, Johannes followed the Admiral.
On the other side the two men closed the portal with three identical handles that had opened as the first ones had been opened. “Without the command centre in control, and capable of neutralizing any impacting bodies, we should keep these doors closed.” Solomon explained.
“Impacting bodies?!” Stopping handling forward Johannes floated on, past Solomon who had stopped at a handle to turn around to him. “You mean to tell me we could’ve been struck by an asteroid or something back there?” Cold sweat appeared on Johannes’ forehead. “We made it through, didn’t we?”
“Don’t tell me shit like that man, I’m a bloody doctor, not a space marine! I hate the idea of dying, dying in space in particular!”
Laughing Solomon kept moving on.
They passed by a rotating set of siphons, after crossing through yet another shutter like door. As the siphons rushed by they saw that they were closed a couple of cab lengths in. “At least they have gravity.” Solomon stated dryly, but in Johannes’ face was a brewing question.
“Suppose sub gamma has too, how do we enter?” The two men exchanged a long glance. “We can’t jump this!” Johannes pointed at the rotating siphons. “Even if we were to slip into a siphon, and I doubt that we could, the walls would hit us, break every single bone in our bodies.” Solomon looked at the siphons.
“I will think of something.” Again he displayed the playful smirk. !

War Journal – 1 Swift Wings (ep11)

“It’s his ship.” growled Leif, the two men climbed tge ship again abd returned moments later with their supplies, abd in Leif’s case his arms, a sword and a dagger.”Thank you.” smiled Eric looking back at the ship. A faint feeling suggested to him that he might not see the ship again. After braving the dense bushwork around Wellenheim they found what had warned the young Naga. The fircle church was intact, but near all other buildings had been put to the torch, a war galley lay anchored at the port. The alleys and streets were littered with dead, on first glance all that Eric could see were dozens upon dozens ofvdead humans, but Fathala pointed out the differently clothed people. “Galnerra.” she whispered as they passed two dead soldiers, one of them had an axe planted in his skull. An eerie silence lay over the town, covering it like a blanket, spelling out doom in the ears of anyone listening. From the galley they heard shouts, weary Fathala looked in its direction.Bewildered she noticed that Norsers were swarming the ship, all bloodied and ragged. “Spoils of the battle.” she mumbled in her native tongue. Repeating it for Eric as he was asking. Although the Norsers had won the battle Eric and Fathala agreed it was best to leave them be, as they might not take too kind on strangers at that moment. Leif had wanted to contact them but he too saw the wisdom in their decision. But if their women and girls survived, he thought, they might be willing to leave heir destroyed homes behind and come with us. We’ll get them on our way back, a smile appeared on his lips for a brief moment. After circumnavigating the fallen town until they made for the road that led them away from the coast. Mostly the two men stayed on the side of the road, autumn weather had turned the earth into slippery mud, Fathala stayed close but preferred to slither through the mud as it meant she traveled faster than on dry grounds. Ever since Leif and Eric had their fight the mood hanging over them was icy and silent. No japes exchanged, no questions asked, or explanations delivered.Not a simgle word uttered.Somehow Fathala blamed herself. “Don’t.” the voice was Eric’s, but he strode three meters away from her, only a pace or two behind Leif. Am I losing my mind? “You’re not.” came the reply before she had finished her thought. “There are things about me I haven’t told you, that I confided only my wife after our first son had been born. You are.not of our society, and hus not likely to turn my secret over to the order. I am, like you.” Confused but showing a little smile she turmed her head in the direction they were traveling in. “You can do magic.” “Yes.” Night broke, but the overcast that had built up during he day, remained. From old wood and leaves they built a fire, Fathala started it with her powers, so the dampness of both wood and leaves was not hindering. At first Eric and Leif wanted to hunt for some small woodland creatures, but fell back on salt dried fish and vegetables, as night came faster than anticipated. Leif ignored his father and the Naga as they cuddled close to one another to warm themselves. He lay wrapped in his cloaks and a sheepskin eatching the fire burn low, occasionally feeding new branches and twigs to the fire. Angered a new since his proposal of keeping watches was dismissed. Again he felt like a child that was being patronized. Once he was certain that both Eric and Fathala had fallen asleep, he sat up. Staring across the fire to the two his eyes started to water. Not so much from the smoke but his anger that he had suppressed. Studying the peaceful face of the Naga as she was sleeping in his father’s arms he realized that he hated her. Despite the fact that he didn’t know her, he hated her. Some noise not far from the.camp startled him enough to look in the direction the noise had come from. Fiercely glowing eyes stared back at him. The pole was bereft of any predators, or large animals. Still, from old texts about the eastern continents he knew that he eas facing a wolf. Where there is one, there is a whole pack, he thought. Drawn in surely by the smell of our food, by our smell. His gaze returned to the Naga, her weak appearance surely was also present in her smell, she would make for excellent prey, his eyes returned to the wolf. It took a step closer, the ridge of its snout curled, teeth bared, but no growls. The animal lifted the nose and sniffed audibly, gave growl, and turned away. I wouldn’t want to eat her either. Daylight broke through the canopy of leaves, but no direct sunlight, a cool breeze flowed through the forest, fanning he little flames of the campfire as hey licked over a few damp branches and leaves that had been placed between them. Confused Leif rose, last he knew he had been watching the wolf, now it was daytime and the fire was fed.