Why is this even a thing?

These are people who do not know how to use a microphone: they’re breathing into one as if they wanted to either swallow, or make sweet sweet love to it.
That is NOT how you use a mic, dumbass.

I’m not one to deny others their kink, far from it, but you wankers want the “girlfriend experience” – without the “experience” part.
You see, afaik, some prostitutes offer “the girlfriend experience” (for extra of course), and then you get cuddling, kissing, sweet talk, and what not (I imagine). There you get an actual experience.
With this crap you get no experience.

If I were one to go on business trips around the globe, so when I lay my weary CEO head down to cry on a cushion stuffed with stacks of cash while I pleasure myself to sleep, my beloved trophy wife is not able to lull me through it on the phone thanks to timezones, I’d have her breathe into a mic for half an hour, nude, and then play that video back to me.
I am not.
These people are not near and dear to me.
On the polar opposite.
They are complete and utter fraking strangers!
Making all of this a little creepy…

I would almost understand this, if it were porn [porn-porn. Not this brain-porn crap that someone equated this bullshit to]:
A naked chick (or guy, what have you), giving an imaginary protagonist (the camera) a POV girlfriend experience.
With sweet talk, breathing into a microphone, sensual descriptive talk about what they ‘are doing’ with you, complete with ‘noise’.

But this is people breathe-talking in the most annoying fashion possible [not whispered, not spoken, but the dimwitted bastard offspring of the two, that’s too loud and pronounced to be soothing or comfortable, but too low and hushed to be easily intelligible], making noise too close to the microphone [if I for example were to crave the sound of a girl brushing her long long hair, I want to hear it like normal people hear it, not the way a mic taped to the back of the brush picks it up!], and saying the most ridiculously mundane crap ever [if you have no one in your life you can talk about bowel movements with, stop the ASMR, quit your busy job and get friends and/or a spouse, because that is what you NEED]!

Get outta here!

But note, after this election I understand everyone who needs to get relaxed in any way shape or form.

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