Domestic violence, beginners tool.
A log pillow. Before battering your house-/flat-/roommate(s) with real (yule) logs, get them acquainted with the log pillow. They’ll be less startled when they see you coming at them with the real deal, expecting the pillow.

Courtroom defense: “I thought it was the pillow!”

The ideal gift for the special person in your life that you want to see without their spouse (after the jail sentence).