I’ve be been hiking through the woods round my hometown with my kid lately. We’ve met a few people doing so.

First to mention is Pia, a girl a year younger than my son, whom he claims he loves. She’s blond, like the other girls he’s fallen for so far.

A couple of people with dogs, which reminded us both that we miss having a dog.

Most recently a pair of elderly ladies, who were really nice people, it saddens me that they’re elderly, because they’re so nice and that means in the not too distant future they’ll die, and make place for ASSHOLES.

Which brings me to the last group we encountered: assholes.

First off, the bicycle creeps.

Guys (and it is almost exclusively GUYS) riding their bikes at, what I can only describe as, terminal velocities, down WINDING HIKING paths, full of people, children, and dogs.

I hope they all have accidents that involve them falling in a way onto their wheels, crotch first, ridding the world of their genes.

Secondly, shirtless men.

These fuckers come, generally, in two flavours: chicken breasts, and bears.

No well defined Adonis, not a young Schwarzenegger. No.

Young dudes without muscles, or hair – sometimes badly plucked chickens, guys with some patchy hair – strut through the woods, dripping sweat like a pathetic miniature raincloud on legs, bearing an expression as if they, these human mole rats, were the new definition of manhood and manliness. Fucking incels.

The bear type is either fat, or hides a chicken breast beneath some fur, but is otherwise EXACTLY like the mole rat. Hideous and sweat dispensing.

You may not like to think of sweat, and much rather pretend that it waters the woods, but if it runs off of your body, it’s useless. If some clothing catches it, and it evaporates from there, that’s what cooles you down.

You may think you’re manly, but you are a disgustingly looking piece of shit – mole rat or bear – that reeks of desperation and, coincidentally, SWEAT.

Put on some fucking clothes you repulsive sack of body odour liquids.

I outlined to you a practical reason why – the disgusting, and unhygienic, sweat dispersal aside – its unpleasant.

YOU ARE UNPLEASANT.

To look at.

Your backpack is dripping wet, so you shifted the sweat problem from a piece of clothing to a piece of luggage, and you’re not an Adonis!

I’m not some prude who dislikes naked bodies, sense of place. Semi nudist in public, isn’t decent. It isn’t esthetic.

Stop it.

Go to the beach if you want a tan. Put on some fucking clothes when you want to hike. Or shop. Or eat.

Take care,

A.

Advertisements