Posts from the ‘Comedy’ Category

Crappy Birthday in August 2017

Got that detestable garbage human Hipster scum in your circle of acquaintances?

Their birthday is coming up?

PERFECT!

These revolting socks are the perfect gift, for a perfect asshole. They will surely like it, because it is before they are cool, because they’ll never be cool. And these socks a shining (or screamingly loud) warning beacon. 

Warn others. Gift these socks.

Crappy Birthday.
A.

More irritating food stuff…

After all the other vile garbage (the ingredients to summon the vegan Demon of bad taste for example), I found the next questionable item to go with it. 

It is literally called “Test of courage”: 

A chocolate bar with enough Scoville to be allowed only from the age of sixteen up.

I don’t know about you, but I’d rather have my fill of tear jerking spiciness the old fashioned way:

The final nail in the coffin…

You don’t? I do. Because they’re shit. They do nothing for you, they don’t create “awareness”, they just look idiotic. Note to the guys: Combat feminist. She’ll neuter you with those slings. Run!

But this “individual” (in quotation marks because I don’t want to imply this is a sane person) isn’t alone in her abuse of taste. 


Hottest trend? HOTTEST TREND?? I would refer you to a doctor to get that nasty fungus treated if you showed up with this crap in my vicinity! 

Note to the guys: desperate man trap, or (criminally) insane. Run!


The fidget spinner trend seems to die down finally. Anyone with this crap on their nails wouldn’t be able to use a spinner anyway, plus they would look a proper fool. Note to the guys: if a girl (abd it wouldn’t be a woman) had those nails – jail. Too young to be legal, or mentally handicapped to the point where her consent doesn’t count. Run!
Hope this had been informal and entertaining. 

Take care, A.

The trouble with tomatoes

After assessing whether the tomatoes are ripe, the harvest can begin in earnest.

Let’s bring ’em in. Although they have a good sturdy skin, don’t stack them to high, or the weight might harm those at the bottom! 

Cleaning and storing them after transport is easy, for the most part. Of course a few need some “creative persuasion”…

Bring the appropriate tools to deal with Killertomatoes…

Crappy Birthday in July

Imagine the “majestic” flamingo, perched on a pedestal of guano, one foot dangling to the ground. 


That wonderful hideousness can be yours to drive relatives and acquaintances over the edge for the lo lo price of 2.95€. Cheese factor is over 9000.

Crappy Birthday, A.

A surprise egg!!!

Oh boy! I am letting out my inner child by buying this. I loved kinder surprise eggs as a kid. I’m a nerd. This will no doubt be a shitty toy, but it will still be epic!!!

Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. The suspense is kiiiilling meeeee!!!!

Here we see tangible disappointment in the shape of a FUCKING ERASER!!!

If I were still a kid I’d be having a massive tantrum right now. Any child finding this inside their Star Wars surprise egg would be choking back tears of disappointment, broken dreams while munching on cheap chocolate. Maybe it skips well across the lake when tossed at the right angle and speed…

What is this supposed to be? Preparation for life? Cheap chocolate, suspense, disappointment. Not ONE parent will buy a second one of these. I won’t. I’m 35 and I even felt cheated and deeply disappointed. 

They should make Game of Thrones surprise eggs, containing the severed heads of the cast, with a small amount of fake blood in them for maximum gore and “fun”…

Whoever made this shit a reality should be forced to watch one thousand kids opening these fuckers. 

Take care, A.

Crappy Birthday in June

Know a smoker? Hate the living crap out of that fucker? Want to gift him/her with the worst curse from Pandora’s box – false hope?


Lucky you! 

This cigarette case, with the hopeful message of survival, whilst containing suicide in small doses, is the perfect gift for this occasion. 
Crappy birthday,

A.