Posts from the ‘Comedy’ Category

Senility?

Who is this for?
Alzheimer’s patients on Facebook? People with bad memory?
Has senility become widespread among the Facebook community??

Not even people with attention deficit disorder need a fucking reminder of LAST MONTH!

I got this literally on the first of December, I can’t POSSIBLY be nostalgic about LAST MONTH!
Which ended THE DAY BEFORE!

Come back in a year or ten. Or never.

Morons.

Take care,
A.

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2. Advent 2017

If you thought the whole Fox shit had died down years ago, you were wrong.
What does the fox say?
“K… kill me, please”, apparently. 

This tree ornament is what mad artists leave behind instead of suicide notes.
Moments after finding their mangled and pureed cadavers, everything is made worse when this gem is discovered.

In other words the perfect gift for all your needs.

Crappy Christmas.

1. Advent 2017


Collectable Puppet “Toni”.

Frighten the ever loving shit out of every person that sets eyes on this. Be it gift receiver, or just plain old visitor, this is sure to let everyone know that they’re dealing with a heart- and soulless vicious devourer of life, love, hopes, and dreams. 
Any person unwrapping this will make the unmistakably tormented face of a person faking joy, when they’d rather had gotten socks.

Merry Crapmas!

Hope

“I’ve found that evil usually triumphs – unless good is very, very careful.” – Dr. McCoy

I attempted to read an article by some online magazine or another but after barely the first paragraph I had to stop it.

Why?

Hope.

The author was talking about ‘hope’. That movie they had watched, was so outstanding and wonderful because it offered ‘hope’.

Fuck your hope.
Fuck your movies.

Have you seen the murk that Hollywood spews at us?
It is a hope cumshot!
Good guys save the day, evil is vanquished again. Hope for everyone!
Bullshit.

I just HOPE that reality comes a knockin’ and kicks you in the shins.
Take off your SJW-false-priorities goggles, and look around you:

This is the victory march of evil.

Not the tame, clearcut, darth vader evil. No, the diffuse, hard to grasp evil of reality.
This evil once led us down the path of darkness (Holocaust), and it will again, this time on a much larger (global) scale:

Trump is president.
UK is leaving the EU.
Climate change deniers are in control.
Right wing assholes are gaining power everywhere.
Leftist libtards are denying basic science (don’t you dare try and hide your antivaxxer movement!).
Climate change is happening all around us.
Globally the gears are turning towards more hatred, less tolerance, towards war, away from peace, towards total control by the free market, away from government rules and guidelines.

We are turning our societies into the shit versions of dystopian nightmares.

All the while, you idiots are just talking about hope, instead of creating the basis for it.
{You sacks of fecal matter are only protesting immediately-bad things, but let the in-the-long-term-bad things slip you by (if you even notice them).}

I’ll quote from Star Trek again: “I’ve found that evil usually triumphs – unless good is very, very careful.”

Be careful.
A.

Blandness

It is in the nature of people to have defined interests. You like certain bands, movies, TV shows, books/authors, sports/teams, etc.

Some people even display their interests openly on caps, sweaters, shirts, buttons, pins, etc.

But then you get the bland boring Dipshits of the world. 

Back in the days of my youth, when I was but a lad and frequenting dating sites, those bland people (for a lack of a better term, let us label them in a derogatory fashion as NPCs) had the following on their profiles: “What are your interests? – Music.”

Reeled in by a promising introduction (or a boob picture), you thought that perhaps you found the one for the (foreseeable) future, only to be struck by “I like music, movies, and TV. But I don’t read books.” (Why on earth I used an oxford comma is beyond me at this point)

So you like movies? How about we watch Cannibal Holocaust? Music? Some Doom Metal? No to both? THEN SPECIFY YOUR INTERESTS YOU BLAND WET CARDBOARD! 

Oh, and since you’re intellectually handicapped (the lack of books, my dear), don’t bother. You NPCs can stay the frak away from me.

Take care, A.

Life as a knight is not easy you know?

Sure, on occasion you can chill out under the blueberries on occasion.

But the rest of the time?
There’s other knights.

There’s the black duckling of the hidden brown water Loch.

The giant coo of radiator grill.

The unmelting Snømån of the wooden plains.

Nihilistic children…

I was at the playground with my son the other day, and while playing with him I overheard the most nihilistic thing I had ever heard. Especially from a kid.

Nothing is really fun or beautiful

(I am paraphrasing, as it needed translation)

With a kid like that you don’t need to save for college, but for therapy. The boy was around five or six years old and just blurted that line out. On the fucking playground. 

What is that kid’s outlook on life? Starting fires in daycare a year down the road because only the flames provide some warmth? Holy shit. 

Drag the kid to the therapist, medicate him before he’s full on psychotic! What are those parents reading him for bedtime? The collected works of Lovecraft?? This kid needs some serious help!

Thankfully no arson was committed that day. No sacrifice to the deep ones. Just playing on the frakking playground. 

For now. Because remember, nothing is really fun our beautiful. 

Take care (of your psycho kids),
A.