Posts from the ‘Comedy’ Category

Hot water

A few short years ago Fry & Laurie might have pulled off a sketch taking place in a cafe:
Hugh (as a reporter with a hand microphone): “What do you say to the allegations that you use thermally agitated dihydrogen-monoxide in your drinks?”
Stephen (as wait staff): “No, absolutely not. It is appalling that you would even think so.”
We would’ve laughed, next segment comes on, a vox pop with Stephen in a wig “The problem today is a lack of education. It’s hot water.” more laughter, moving on.

Today, if you confront a “Barista” (a made up job, if you ask me) with the same “allegations”, they would drive on about working “chemical free” using only “organic ingredients for their beverages” blablablaaaa…

Life, it seems, has become satire…

Take from this what you like, laughter, or dead what else these morons influencers don’t know about the world. Something in between.

However.

Take care, A.

Jesus Creepy McCreep Christ!

Link

I have been made aware of this things existence.

The uncanny valley called, they want their disembodied finger back.

Obvious first impressions aside, the article becomes even creepier:

You can hold your phone by a disembodied finger formed like a handle.

A phone tapping for your attention with a disembodied finger.

A phone moving along by use of a disembodied finger.

The scenes on Eros described in the book “Leviathan Wakes”, as the Protomolecule took over, when hands and ribcages moved around, come to mind.

Someone read that, a scene describing utter horror and alienness, and thought to themselves “I can build that, for your phone!”

Dear gods send a great flood of burning acid, cleanse this shit off the face of the Earth!

Take care,

A.

21st century, 1st world problems

I came across this toot on Mastodon.

Well, perhaps it is an evil scheme from Amazon, forcing toddlers and their parents to interact, at least occasionally.

By removing pictures, aka pictograms, and replacing them with text, kids who can’t read yet, MUST ask an adult (or older child) for assistance. This preventing, possibly, binge watching in the next generation, enforcing the oh so sweet human interaction.

But what do I know. My five year old would binge watch the entire library of Tom and Jerry, PJ Masks and similar stuff twice over if we would let him, or he had pictograms to help him navigate when we are distracted.

So, maybe, just maybe, Amazon didn’t fuck up, they did shit right.

Take care,

A.

Burn, Baby, Burn

In Meppen in Germany a lot of people are currently thinking “Just once, I’d like to work with fucking PROFESSIONALS!”

You may ask yourself why, as the answer will be obvious to the (former) residents of Centralia.

The ground is burning.

There are villages in the middle of the (dried up) swamps. What are swamps rich in? Peat!

What is peat good at, once dry?

Burning.

Now, the swamps had a smoking ban, a campfire prohibition, because the summer was dry, and the peat was dry.

What did the German Military do in September 2018 regardless?

TEST SOME FUCKING ROCKETS!

Now the peat in the ground is on fire and they can’t douse that shit!

Once, just ONCE, do I want a news article “All went well, everyone involved was a professional.”

Take care,

A.

Ben’s diary ep2

Dear diary, I met her at the airport, her beaming smile captivated me as she exited her plane:

After saying hello and talking for a little while, we drive of in her convertible.

After we arrived at her house things got heated pretty quickly.

Dear diary, I don’t know how to put it, but I’m in deep trouble. Those days of fun seen to be over:

That’s all for today, dear diary.

Ben’s diary ep1

Dear diary.

As I had gone for a hike in the mountains, I came upon the small inn where she works:

Over the course of hours we drank and talked, we laughed and sang.

It ended upstairs.

Sadly, all good things come to an end, as was my visit to the beautiful mountains, and rolling hills, all of which I never saw.

That’s all for today, dear diary.

Prohibited

My city’s public transportation has issued a prohibition on food in the subway, after a series of complaints about the smell.

There are two things about this that piss me off.
1. That this rule has to be made. Not so long ago it had been common courtesy not to eat (smelly) foods in the subway (trams or busses). Now it needs to be enforced. But hey, it had also been courtesy once to let people get out of the car before going in, soooo…
2. People are reacting as if the public transportation company forbade them to eat PERIOD. There are people and outlets acting as if now commuters would have to starve to death! If your daily intake of calories depends on your commute, you’re in more serious trouble then a prohibition on food in the subway.
Now. Stuff that food away, clear the doors, enter, go.

Take care,

A.