Posts from the ‘Gifts’ Category

NYE 2017/2018

Party animal, alright. 

Ever wanted to see a bull or a moose regurgitate wine, or champagne, or vinegar, or oil, or sauce from a bottle? Here you go! 

Whoever needed these was a sick person who needs counseling rather than be allowed corporate decisions.

I hope your new year turns out to be the worst ever if this is how you decide to celebrate it.

Crappy new year.

Advertisements

4. Advent 2017

Aw. The Wittwe porcewain cwoud is sweepy….

Then smash it with a hammer!
Throw it to the floor!
Burn it with acid and flame!

This thing is worse than those fucking angels religitards put everywhere, they at least believe in those things.
But this?!?! 

Go outside.
Look up.
CLOUDS!
Big clouds, small clouds, dark clouds, bright clouds, rain clouds, dust clouds, smoke clouds, natural clouds, artificial clouds (contrails), on some maps the tinfoil hat lunatics even have radiation clouds.

But nowhere you look will you have drowsy clouds with eyes!

The devastating perplexity of this things existence, this things inception, will drive the sanest person insane!

Which makes it the perfect gift for Christmas.

Crappy Crapmess.

Drive people over the edge, give them clouds. 

Good night.

3. Advent 2017

There is so much wrong with this pig on so many levels it would be nearly impossible to list it all. 

Nearly.

1. This pig obviously just suffered through a stroke.
2. It wears a tutu.
3. How does it get into those clothes and necklace, when clearly all four appendages are heel clad feet?
4. Why is the ONE region that normally is covered by a dress – the nether regions – NOT covered?
5. Is this perverse?
6. Who designed this?
7. Do they know anything about pigs?
8. What drugs have they been scoring?
9. Isn’t it against humanitarian laws to produce, sell, purchase and take those drugs?
10. Who is this for?
11. Seriously. WHO IS THIS FOR???

Gift at your own peril. Anyone giving this as present should be on a watchlist somewhere, anyone receiving this should be too, just to be safe.

Merry Crapmas.

2. Advent 2017

If you thought the whole Fox shit had died down years ago, you were wrong.
What does the fox say?
“K… kill me, please”, apparently. 

This tree ornament is what mad artists leave behind instead of suicide notes.
Moments after finding their mangled and pureed cadavers, everything is made worse when this gem is discovered.

In other words the perfect gift for all your needs.

Crappy Christmas.

1. Advent 2017


Collectable Puppet “Toni”.

Frighten the ever loving shit out of every person that sets eyes on this. Be it gift receiver, or just plain old visitor, this is sure to let everyone know that they’re dealing with a heart- and soulless vicious devourer of life, love, hopes, and dreams. 
Any person unwrapping this will make the unmistakably tormented face of a person faking joy, when they’d rather had gotten socks.

Merry Crapmas!

Crappy Halloween 2017

Holy fucking pumkin on fire!

Normally I’m quite fond of owls, but this abomination had stared into the abyss too long, is now the devourer of souls, as the abyss is staring through your soul, seeing you more exposed than naked.

Decorate your house with this, the kids won’t be frightened away, but will be tormented until eternity ends. Gift this, and you can strike one name off your list of enemies.

Crappy Halloween.

Pre Christmas Terror.

In this hallowed time of Halloween, horror and terror are the good tone. 

But what I have in store for you will shock the bravest souls, terrify the most hardcore horror aficionados. It will drive insane those who are too weak, will test the strength of those with minds and functioning reason. 

I present

The advent calendar from the mirror universe. Where the dreadful, drab and dreary emojis are called emotis, and where they are considered to be funny. You know the place. Where Spock wears a goatee. Where Trump is the good president, and Obama was shitty. Where Fox is the liberal news outlet. Where the prequels were actually any good and firefly ran for a few seasons. 

Do you dare stare into this abyss, or do you fear it will stare into you?

The care,
A.