Posts tagged ‘10’

Life ain’t that hard, Social Media

If you’re a lowlife cretin who should be bludgeoned to death with a balloon animal for the following, or parts of it:

-Posting quarter hourly updates on yourself, or
-Reposting loud images (with often incorrect shite in them) from all over the place,
-Interspersed with invites to some shitty games that no one cares for and everyone wants to cut your hands off for playing
-Liking a crapzillion of pages, and thus spreading their filth
-Logging in at every corner you visit

then fret not, for it is simple, thou shalt follow these basic decency & behavior commandments for social media:

1. Logeth in and checketh out.
This means, read other people’s posts first, before boldy blaring out your status, which no one really cares for. 

2. Thou may engage in reactions.
If you want to, you can react to someone else’s post(s). That is the social part of social media. You are not the star, just another schmuck, those are not your fans, but, supposedly, your friends. Interact, mingle, comment.

3. Thou mayeth post.
Post one, maybe two, status updates per day. TOPS! Only in emergency situations (f.e. toppling an oppressive government) is it okay to forgo this limit.

4. Thou shalt not RePost!
Just, don’t. Unless it is really important (really occuring revolutions, missing people, rabid bears or pedophiles, etc.)

5. Enough pictures.
Enough babies, enough cats, enough boobs and asses. Go to a special interest group/site if you want to see or share this, but the general public doesn’t care for any of that.

6. Moar of ye olde Pictures!
If you’re too young to remember boring slideshows of other people’s holidays, ask your parents, or grandparents how frigging boring that was. Want to share your holiday experience? One to Five pictures which highlight the best of it, will do, if someone is genuinely interested in more, they’ll ask. (Ahahahaha!!!)

7. Enough with the liketh!
Not everything you encounter in life needs a like online!
Bands, artists, celebrities, etc. Yes.
Brands, products, politicians, websites, etc. No!

8. Playeth with thineself.
No one cares for your geese or your jewels or your candy – if anything we’d like to see you buried under a mountain of that stuff. Keep it to yourself!

9. Logeth out.
Yes, the dreaded end of one’s participation in social idiocy.
Listen, don’t stay online for hours and hours more, having the media site track your every movement out there. Don’t be the intelectually malnutritioned fool, that is taking all their knowledge from the lopsided soup that is your prefered newsfeed. Controversy, disagreeing opinions those are NURTURING the mind, sharpening it. LOG OUT!

And the grand finale!
10. Thou shalt not reveal thine location!
Stop giving away your location! Just, no! We don’t care where you are, nor should you care where the others are. If they’re near you, but won’t see you, guess what? They don’t like you! Stop checking in from the pub at the corner of my block. Get lost creep.

It is a little extensive, so here’s the print out version:

1. Logeth in and checketh out.
2. Thou may engage in reactions.
3. Thou mayeth postonce or twice daily.
4. Thous shalt not RePost!
5. Enough pictures
6. Moar of ye olde Pictures!
7. Enough with the liketh!
8. Playeth with thineself.
9. Logeth out.
10. Thou shalt not reveal thine location!

Glue it next to your screen, make it your phone’s lock screen – what ever it takes for you to stop this crap!

Get your silly acts together, stop making social media asocial places, that are more a sewer than a place of interaction.

As always, take care,
A.

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Random rant

•”She threads two rats asses on some string to hang in the livingroom, when you see why, it’s pure genius!”

No.
Not it’s not.
It’s mundane silly clickbait shit. Cut it out! No one cares why dad is erecting a 30 ton concrete monument around this sickly (possibly already dead) tree. Or why we all should pour thirty liters of diarrhoetic shit into the oven to bake for ten days at fifty thousand Kelvin.
It is probably some mundane shit that no one in their right mind would consider “genius”, or “brilliant”.

YOU won’t believe how easy it is to generate honest clicks without angering people: create content, assholes.

•We just had an election last week.
Murica is having one next year. Already I am fed up to the brim with politics.
How so? Let me answer this with a parable:
In order to evaluate whether a new bridge is nevessary or not, all the leaders of all the parties (leading and opposition) journey to the riverside. There’s no way across as the old bridge is crumbling away, they see some folks on the other side of the river and yell: “How do we get to the other side of the river?” (To get a look at stuff from over there)
To which the people mockingly reply: “You already ARE on the other side!”
Conclusion, opposition and leading party(ies) agree that no new bridge is needed, because they were able to get to the other aide easily.

Sad thing, this is probably happening right now somewhere, or has happened very recently….

•I hate the piss weather. But it could be far worse:

image

I smelled the blue ocean, and I gotta tel you folks, if I had to live near a large body of water that stank like toilet cleaner, I’d have to murder at least seven people and thirteen goats daily, just to make it through life.
Gladly, real life doesn’t smell like this chemical approximation of “annoyed – the smell”.

As always, take care,
A.

nine out of ten!?!?

Alright, I may have some pretty whacko beliefs of my own, but at least my shit isn’t interfering with daily life, and REAL knowledge.

So according to a survey conducte by the Rice University of Houston Texas out of ten US citizens, nine doubt the theory of evolution!?

Only ONE of every ten believes that there was no god or higher power involved? Or rather an ass whooping 9.5%!

ARE YOU PEOPLE FUCKING CRAZY????

Look, you can believe in a jewish space zombie all you want, but doubting EVIDENCE BASED science is just flat out idiotic. Yet when some whackjob from the countryside says he was abducted by aliens, you say he’s crazy.
IT’S THE SAME BLOODY THING! Whether you were analprobed with a spiked club by little green men, or Jesus showed up in your wedding cake telling you that symbolic canibalism in church is fine, doesn’t matter. Both things are delusional crap!

As soon as this nonsense we all believe in, starts to be contradicted by EVIDENCE and SCIENCE, we need to step back and ditch the crap we blieve(d) in.
Just as the species, just as our societies, our religion (and spiritual beliefs) need to evolve.

But in case you nutjobs still doubt evolution just look at it from a social standpoint: WE had to evolve from slave holding, absolute monarchies to where we are now. Totalitarian Regimes in the middle east need(ed) to evolve to democratic (corrupt) societies.

Now, I know you cretins are still holding on to “nothing evolves!” idiocy, so let me be more bold: If you go and spray the vermin on your field, most of ’em die. Some don’t. Those survive and pass on the poison resistance to their offspring. We need better poison. Again a few survive. Again they pass the immunity on, or develop immunity if they didn’t get the full dosage. (Yes, you can become immune to poison! Read it up!)Rinse and repeat.
Pestizide resistant vermin.
Or antibiotics resistant bugs. Same process, other playingfield.

The same happened to us as a species. Our tree homes died off because of changes in the climate, we had to walk the steppes, high grasses, monkeys stood up to see any lions approaching. Those who didn’t got ate! Didn’t get to have kids of their own. Good.
In addition we now could hold on to shit. Some times literaly shit, you know, for flinging it (and if you ever visited a public restroom you SEE evidence that we are closer to our simian ancestors than we are admitting even in the “Theory of Evolution”).
Everyone who doubts that evolution is a real thing happening to us in the past is someone who should be smitten down by his/her god!

Here’s my proposal for you idiots: God made the particle that made the big bang happen. After that he didn’t do shit! There, fixed your creationism, and combined it with science.

Take care, people still fling feces.
A.

PS: Other religous insanities:
If you people really need the ten commandments – whether you want them in schools, courthouses or else where – then you are in desperate need of psychiatric care. You really need space daddy to tellyou that it is wrong to kill? Wrong to steal?
Where do you live?
Caves???
Stop behaving like the cavemen you don’t want to be, and start acting like the dignified beings you claim to be!

Beating around.

Marketing geniuses.

Alright, here in Europe one is fairly sheltered from hate filled fallout from a sporting event in the US, and the accompanying advertisements.

In this case, a pot party and apparently a hate crime.

It seems that the right in the US are loosing their collective shit because Coca Cola dared to have the song “America the Beautiful” (or what it’s called) sung in many different languages. Showing how unified America is, although coming from many different cultures.

I think it is a sign of utter brilliance.
They knew how the mouthbreathers would react.
They intended for them to react this way.

Now the super-ultra-free-“democracydemoncrazy”-right-wing-nutjobs are doing nothing but talking about the Coca Cola company all day long! Not realising that, that is exactly what coke wants.
PUBLICITY!
Tell you what my mouthbreathing friends, keep yappin’ all day long, you’re just proving one point: You are not free, just slaves to your corprate masters. They use the right tug on the leash and you make noise. Bravo!

Facebook Lookback Films.

Really people? You are doing this?
Okay, if you ahven’t realized what is happening, the Facebook people unzipped their pants and are waving their d*ck around to piss all over the place. Saying “We can reduce your life into a little powerpoint presentation.”
I’d feel degraded making this “film” about me. Which is why I won’t, bad enough I returned to the nuthouse (I want closure to some friends I hold dear). But I refuse to let Zuckerberg – or his merry madmen – condense everything I ever did on their site into a little power-point presentation.
It’s pathetic.

Sochi 2014

Frak off! If I would actually care about these stupid mass sport events (including the superb-owl), I would boycott Sochi 2014. Russia has taken steps backwards.
One pace forward, three back.
Listen, a country as oppressive as russia was once the enemy of the western world, it was called….wait for it…RUSSIA! After the fall of the UdSSR you people thought it was over, didn’t you?
Well my lovelies, you were wrong. The way russia treats political opponents of Putin, the way they treat gays – unacceptable. If you have any dignity – boycott these games!
If you are an athlete competing at the olympics – BACK OUT if you have any selfrespect left.

Starting today (!), boycott this crap!
(BTW: Did you ever notice that all these sporting events line up perfectly to keep masses distracted from REAL news?)