Posts tagged ‘3D’

Back to the Future II (Welcome Marty!)

This is another irregular post, because today is the day.

Oct 21 2015

All too often people say “Where’s our Hoverboard?” or the flying cars. See, BttFII was a scifi movie, and all too often their predictions about the future are plain wrong.
Or we use the wrong “filter”.

SciFi is not always upfront with their messages, and their warnings. You just have to use the right filter, I think BttFII was spot on.

•Take the self lacing shoes – a message of not only convenience, but a warning of lazyness. There are motorized shoppingcarts. Okay? We don’t need selflacing shoes, we have people so fat and lazy they need a motorized shopping cart! Amazon delivery drones – is anybody home????

•”Jaws 19″ – well, do I even HAVE to rant about “Movies these days are only sequels/prequels/retellings/reimagenings/alternate universe/backstory/adaptations from books/shortstories/comics/manga/anime/cartoons/urban legends….” No? Good. Jaws 19 is a metaphor for this development. We may not have 19 sequels to Jaws, but it sure feels like it. Star Wars 7, with spin offs in planing and production, the entire Marvel crap, the n-th incarnation of Batman, Superman Spiderman and X-Men, and so fracking on.
Jaws 19, folks. Jaws 19! (Let us not touch 3D and its shittines)

•A fax machine in every corner of the house – a screen in every corner/pocket connected to the net. I have a smartphone, a tablet, a laptop, a netbook, my wife has a smartphone, a tablet, a notebook and we have a huge ass TV. People are online ALL DAMN DAY! You may not get fired through your smartphone, but because of actions taken on it (facebook post dissing your boss, and BAM you’re fired. f.e.)

•Tech obsession with multiple TV Channels and personal gadgets as well as handsfree gaming – uuuhm…see above’s paragraph for details…

•DeHydrated Pizza – It is not so much the Pizza in and of itself that is spot on, but our addiction to easy access, pre-made junk food. Microwave Popcorn and other such foods, instant ramen, bread you bake for ten minutes and you have a loaf of bread? Are you kidding? BttFII was dead on.

Of course there was other stuff they were right about, and some they were wrong about. But these are the things that people rant about the most.
So, yeah, welcome Marty, please turn things right in the past.

Good luck, and as always,
Take care,
A.

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Beating the Hippies, a touch of magic…

I am not one to easily dismiss the supernatural, I am guilty of magical thinking more often than not myself. But I am also a realistic fellow, and that provides for some devastatingly harsh reality collisions.

Remember the fuzz some “magical” thinking individuals made about 12/13/14 – “the last sequential date of the century, your special magic day!!!11” – Well the majoroty of the world writes the date like “Day – Month – Year”, so the “special” day was 13. 12. 14.
Not so special anymore, huh? (Once you take other calendars than the Christian one into account that supid date shite melts like snow thrown into lava….)

If you ponder these things for a mere minute, it all falls apart. There is NOTHING special about a date we humans made up. Or a time we made up.
Why?
It’s all as imaginary as the pink plush dragon unicorn octopus that keeps whispering these things to me!!

3:33 where you live, is, in actuality, 3:34 just a little distance away, and “officially” over in the next timezone it’s 4:33, or 2:33 if you wish. Make believe.
All of it.

But why stop there?
Solstice, for example, while, yes, that is something that is actually happening, it is nothing special. Or are we celebrating the martian solstice with the rovers there? No? Good.

Just empower your magical thinking and your imagination for a second and follow me on a crisscross ride, between spiritual things and scientific things:
You are an insignificant little thing, on an insignificant (relatively dry¹) planet, orbiting a not-so-special yellow G-Type star, in a tiny galaxy, in an almost infinite universe.
Why would powers/entities that surpass our meager three (or four) dimensional existence, care in the least about the anual happenings of a microscopic spec of dirt (and the beings on it) in this universe? Spirits/Ghosts that once were critters on this planet – maybe.
Powers higher up in the food chain (if they exist) – don’t give a shit about solstice. Or any other constellation of Earth-Moon-Sun.

Speaking of constellation.

Wait a few thousand years. Stellar drift will tear apart your oh so precious constellations. Shift your angle a bit – if humanity were to develop space travel to a nearby system f.e. – your constellations are fucked up.
So, saying that something is in the constellation of Orion and it takes a dump on the house of Pluto – stop smoking those roaches. They do you no good!

It is all empty silly crap, make believe, hollow, ritualistic nonsense. Like al of the religions out there: empty, maningless and dumb. If god, or gods, and other supernatural beings do exist (which I believe) – they do not give a shit about our holidays, our planet’s constellation to other planets, stars or the milky way. They don’t give a flying frak about dates and times. Stop spreading bovine waste products, and snap back to reality.

Oh, one last thing:
Stop pretending that “Mother Nature” is only that benign thing you perceive when you are in the woodlands, observing blooming flowers and dancing butterflies, while a deer leaks all over the undergrowth.
Mother nature – by default – is also a cold, lifeless, dark, barren rock in the depths of space. Mother nature is the surface of Venus – 460C sulfuric acid rain.
Mother nature is radioactive Uranium deposits, massextinction causing Gamma Ray Bursts and asteroids annihilating life on a planetary scale.
Mother nature is not your friend…
…it is not your enemy either.
It just is.
And you are condemned to obey nature, regardless of your date and time of birth, what constellation is fraking which planetary house up the nostrils, or whether you danced naked with the moths on the blue moon of 1969…

Take care,
A.

¹Before you shit you pants, yes. Earth is a rather dry place. Our planet’s surface is covered to two thirds with water, but the majority of earth’s mass is rock. Only 0,2% or less of Earth’s mass is water! Scientists discovered remnants of a planet that must have consisted to 20% of water. Imagine that! A planet sized ocean, deeper than anything we could imagine…so yes. We are on/in a dry patch of space…

23. Dec 2014

image

elk
The 3D elk is the perfect gift for anyone incapable of hunting, yet desperate to display an animal head mounted on the wall.
Nothing says “You suck at hunting you pretentious prick” like this.

13. Dec. 2014

3d-foto-puppen-759Loosely translated from the homepage: “3D photopuppets are a mixture between a personal and a funny, not everyday common gift.” I think this is the creepiest thing I have seen all year.
Well. Almost.
But it’s up there in the top ten.

If you have already decided to give your enemies a paperbag with entrails, let me advice you to add this to the bag. A picture of you in the face of the 3D photopuppet, preferrably with an angry or neutral/disdainful expression is perfect for striking fear and disgust into the hearts of your enemies.
Also, the perfect farewell gift for your cheating ex.