Posts tagged ‘advertising’

Advertising, again

Advertisers the world over celebrate the fact that I’m not in power of a world wide government.

Why?

Because I would outlaw advertising.

But that isn’t what irked me to do today’s post.

It was a cross promotion I was bothered with on YouTube lately.

A Star Wars Solo and Car cross promotion.

First off, if your goated to see that good awful movie because of this, all hope for you is lost. All hope for you lineage is lost.

Secondly, if you’re prompted to purchase that car because the advertising was affiliated with Star Wars… then get into that car, start the engine, find a nice steel reinforced concrete wall, and drive into it at top speed.

I know, the advertising sluts are banking on the cliche nerds in their mid thirties to early forties, who had to move out of their parents basement and now need/want a car. But they fail to realize that THOSE Star Wars nerds, HATE the new movies.

All in all it is a sign of failure.

You buy that ticket, you lose (money and time).

You buy that car, you lose (money and dignity).

You made this advert, you lost (dignity, money, trust, customers, time)

Really, I hope that everyone involved in this gets some repugnant skin disease that mutilates their faces for eternity.

Take care, and stop advertising, really.

A.

Advertisements

Popsong recuts (Part I)

There is a real need out there for a youtube channel which does nothing but recuts of pop songs.

Why?
Because thez’re fraking atrocious crap.

For example, Bruno Mars’ “Lazy Song”, should be recut.

I starts with that obnoxious drum shit, then the guitar replaces that noise, and Bruno Mars yelps out “Today I don’t feel like doing anything!” then the guitar stops, and all you hear is footsteps walking away, followed by someone dropping himself on a couch or bed.
END.

He said he doesn’t feel like dpoing anything! End of story. Seven-eight seonds, that is tolerable with this banshee like noise he calls a singing voice. Instead of polluting the airwaves with a few minutes worth of death screams by a slaughtered pig.

Or that earcancer causing shit “Fairytale gone bad” by sunrise avenue. It starts with the hihat and basedrum, then the “singer” starts with “This is the End.” and the song actually ends, hard cut, mid tone. He stated it himself. “THIS IS THE END.” So friggin end it right there, a solid 4 second song.
Much less earcancer cases in the world.

Play these two song in the recut version back to back and you can bring another commercial, radiostations worldwide would love this shit. Why? Because they played TWO songs, wasted quarter a minute and can cut to the next commercial.

Win/Win.

On to the next segment…

Take care,
A.

Shamelessness

Or: Why I suck at marketing

This is about my apparent inability to generate more views or followers for my blog. (Christmas Calendar not withstanding, that time was great, thank you people. Be prepared for X-Mess 2015!)

Let me get one thing out of the way before you shake your head in disgust and surf on: I’m not measuring my success with Likes or Followers.
They give me validation, yes.
But I get much more validation through views.

Why?

I read and watch a lot of stuff on the net, without handing out ‘likes’, yet I’ve read or watched it.
I even come back to read/watch more, culminating in me ‘following’.
This can go on for ages without me handing out a single ‘like’.
Views therefore mean much more to me than the occasional ‘likes’. (“You’ve seen it, you can’t unsee it!”)

This bit is about my apparent inability for shameless self-promotion.
In many groups I have joined online, no matter where (facebook, google+, MeWe, etc.) an Author hirself will show up and be like:

No_one-EvarHeardOf posted: From the acclaimed writer of the brilliant Theobald Quincy Cockburn-Hutzenbrutzen novels, the incandescentMy-Intestines-burn trilogy, comes the new bold part 1 of 5000, in the excitingly fiery series 51 shades of beige!

And I just can’t do that.
No one knows my name, no one gives a frak. So why would, or should, I pretend to be an ‘acclaimed writer’? (Or something similar)
Close to no one (except you brave souls who dare venturing to my blog when a new story part comes out) ever heard of my writings. So citing them as a reference – moot.

I just can’t lie boldly in the face of a potential audience, to garner their interest. If I were to get paid for this, I’d feel like I swindled someone out of their savings! Unlike money, the time, I would steal from my (potential) audience, can not be returned. So I have even greater reservations, from just going online and boldly claim shit, that I think is only true inside my head!

Pride in one’s accomplishments is completely justified, but if you’re a relatively unknown individual – do not assume a title like ‘acclaimed writer’, nor praise your own work as the greatest thing since the pyramids.
That makes you look like a complete Schmuck!

(And that, by the way, is why the Schmucks always get great view counts, good sales and great advertising cash, while most honest writers dwell in dirt, and their schmucky heirs later bathe in cash…or honest Schmoe turns into douchy Schmuck)

Yes, dear readers.
This is the reason why, if you came here following one of my ever repetitive social network posts, or discovered one of them, that post sounded sorta lame, and why there only will be equally lame posts.
I will not dash out there posting “From the fresh new writer yourstruly, comes the deeply philosophical, beloved story: Mr. Zed!”

“From the acclaimed writer of the philosophical Zombie Masterpiece Mr. Zed, here’s the highly brain tingling ‘Whose World’ series!”

Take care, and avoid the flyin bovine waste,
A.

PS: I think what bothers me almost as much as the airborne bovine waste distribution methods (aka Bullshit flyong around), is these people are talking in third person of themselves. Only royals (do I need to go there?) and crazy people do that. I ain’t crazy enough for that. (Yet!)

Beating around.

Marketing geniuses.

Alright, here in Europe one is fairly sheltered from hate filled fallout from a sporting event in the US, and the accompanying advertisements.

In this case, a pot party and apparently a hate crime.

It seems that the right in the US are loosing their collective shit because Coca Cola dared to have the song “America the Beautiful” (or what it’s called) sung in many different languages. Showing how unified America is, although coming from many different cultures.

I think it is a sign of utter brilliance.
They knew how the mouthbreathers would react.
They intended for them to react this way.

Now the super-ultra-free-“democracydemoncrazy”-right-wing-nutjobs are doing nothing but talking about the Coca Cola company all day long! Not realising that, that is exactly what coke wants.
PUBLICITY!
Tell you what my mouthbreathing friends, keep yappin’ all day long, you’re just proving one point: You are not free, just slaves to your corprate masters. They use the right tug on the leash and you make noise. Bravo!

Facebook Lookback Films.

Really people? You are doing this?
Okay, if you ahven’t realized what is happening, the Facebook people unzipped their pants and are waving their d*ck around to piss all over the place. Saying “We can reduce your life into a little powerpoint presentation.”
I’d feel degraded making this “film” about me. Which is why I won’t, bad enough I returned to the nuthouse (I want closure to some friends I hold dear). But I refuse to let Zuckerberg – or his merry madmen – condense everything I ever did on their site into a little power-point presentation.
It’s pathetic.

Sochi 2014

Frak off! If I would actually care about these stupid mass sport events (including the superb-owl), I would boycott Sochi 2014. Russia has taken steps backwards.
One pace forward, three back.
Listen, a country as oppressive as russia was once the enemy of the western world, it was called….wait for it…RUSSIA! After the fall of the UdSSR you people thought it was over, didn’t you?
Well my lovelies, you were wrong. The way russia treats political opponents of Putin, the way they treat gays – unacceptable. If you have any dignity – boycott these games!
If you are an athlete competing at the olympics – BACK OUT if you have any selfrespect left.

Starting today (!), boycott this crap!
(BTW: Did you ever notice that all these sporting events line up perfectly to keep masses distracted from REAL news?)

Beating the Financial Market

Two dudes walk into a restaurant, one has his eyes glued to the screen of his cellphone, tries to locate blindly a hook for his coat. And mumbles “Somewhere around here ought to be a hook.” he tries a few times and catches his coat as it almost fell. “No hook!” he smiles into the camera, and the two dudes proceed to find a table. (In german it’s a word play implying that there is no catch.)  

What I describe here is an ad for an app on your cellphone that lets you trade stocks. And it made me really angry.
For two reasons.

Number one, as you all know – I hate advertising. And stupid advertising in particular. Sometimes it seems they take their ideas from Necronimc…fecesbo…nuthouse journa…facebook feeds “Look how stupid I am, LOOK!”… I digress

Number two, and this is what made me angry enough to write a post about it: These people, these blood sucking leeches, who have almost ruined the world wide economy TWICE in the last twenty years or so (Tech/.com bubble and housing bubble), now need an app on their cellphones so they can continue to wreak havoc on us working people, comfortably from EVERYWHERE!

People who are NOT producing shit, who aren’t providing even a faint hint of a service, who ruin the lives of hardworking people all over the globe, and they can do it EVERYWHERE now!

This angers me. People too incompetent to manufacture anything, intellectually incpabale of providing any sort of service, make shitloads of money by ruining the economy and the lives of people who actually put effort and sweat in to get some money.

Originally stocks were a good idea:
Give the workers a financial interest in the company they work for. GOOD!

Now – it’s pervers.

It should be outlawed as it serves NO PURPOSE other than to provide crooks a place where they can steal money, make money out of nothing, and trade money that doesn’t exist, legally. Purely virtual amounts of money (with no real life basis) are shoveled around – it kind of reminds me of a nuthouse, people trade things with one another that aren’t there!

Would you give the clinically insane an App so they can trade their imaginary things? And if so, would you advertise for it?

C’mon, really?

A.

Beating the virtual (pt. whatever)

I have given up.

Or rather I’m in the process of giving up.

Today while checking my tweets I got an advertising tweet.

AN ADVERTISING TWEET!!!

KILL IT

KILL IT

Really? A frakking advertising tweet?
Here’s my idea: BANNERS!
Do these god awful banners they do everywhere else! For all I care do ad-banners on the App’s as well. This would be okay, but giving me TWEETS that look like legit tweets, that is fraud!
Right out fraud!

Just like YouTube spamming me with advertising clips in my suggestions.
And a banner on top of my YouTube start page.
And forced clips at the beginning of a YouTube Video. And banners in the videos…

Okay, okay, I get it. Advertising tweets…clever…guess where I will be only dropping off my tweets informing my followers of updates on the Blog without reading any tweets myself!?
(Why is me posting updates on my blog any different than the advertising tweets? I don’t force it on people who are NOT my followers; if my followers and friends are annoyed by it, they can unfollow me. Period. While advertising tweets are suddenly there. Although you can click them away, they still are annoying…)

Wonder what will be next….oh I know! Advertising blogposts that are sent to my via E-Mail…”ImLovingIt posted: How yummy tastest the new MacShit? I never believed that gazillions of Flies were right but here it is…” -_-

I need ad blockers. For twitter, youtube and every other place that I’m on. Gladly I have left Fecesbook Facebook for good…

From Zero to Hero, from Fame to Fail. (beating the virtual pt. 5)

Beforehand let me tell you, I am not belitteling the work some people had put into their “fame”.
I have told that to a fellow YouTuber who was critizing a certain YouTube celebrity for being a sell-out. The creator in question had built up a nice business, with himself as the star. It was quite some work, and as far as I know, it was quite by accident, since he wanted to do something entirely different originally.
I respect that. I respect the work and effort, I do not envy him, and by far am I not in a position to critizie him. To do that I would have to show something for myself.
And I have not much to show for.

Even if, it was the decision of these people, of that creator in question. The commenter had nothing to show for himself either.

But!

I have to say that I have seen some people rise to fame on the net through the work they did, and they did it for the love they had for their work.
Any person who loves doing what they do, whether they become famous or not, deserves my respect, and to a certain degree, my loyalty. But as soon as the love gets pushed aside for the money, or the love for money, my loyalty crumbles away.
I dislike corporate sell-outs.
Yes, it is the free market, and the decision of these people, as many of them invest quite some money into their passion, it is only legitimate that they get some in return. But being annoyed the fuck out of my skull by 30 seconds of unskippable advertising before a video is making all respect I have/had vanish.

These people rose from basement located, single webcam using, talkers to entertainers who have several cameras, expensive equipement and quite a viewer base. – same thing goes for bloggers, minus the camera and expensive equipement (unless you’re foolish enough to buy Mac).
From zero to hero!

And now they think they can torment the viewers they had worked so hard for with mediocre, sometimes outright bad, videos (posts) and a ton of advertising. There is merchandise with their logos and feces[KILL] faces all over it (Spaceballs, anyone?) and we’re supposed to buy it. Flush money down the drain.
From fame to fail.

I am writing this with the full knowledge that I will never be as famous as they are, and even if, I’m way to weary of the consequences if I sell out.
Sure, it’d be fine to see my name on a book, not as an author of ONE story in an anthology (again), but as the ONLY author. I’d give a lot for that, but I decided to publish it here. There are things I leave out of the online publications (brutality, sex, others), that I’d include in a printed version (or published where I’d get money for it). But the gist of it is here. And it’s only a little percentage I’m leaving out. (less than 1%)
I once met a gal who writes for money. And for money only, not because she loves writing, but because she can write.
Flawlessly I have to admit. It is always well structured, well developed, and all in all flawless. But it lacks one thing.
Something that I missed in all her work, something I miss in newer videos of the people I talked about above – soul.
Form without function. To twist the phrase “Never judge a book by it’s cover” I’d have to say its all cover, but no book.

Just turn your attention to Hollywood,
I’d watch a crappy B-Movie, with bad actors, bad special effects that would make the 60s SFX departments look glorious, and cheesy oneliners but a GOOD story, rather than a 3 hour CGI fuckfest, A-List actors and directors, without one.
So I have to say:
Sloppy writing but good story – I’ll read it.
Crappy videos with a shaky cam but lots of heart and soul put into it – I’ll watch it.
B-Movie but a good story – I’ll see it.
And for all of these I’d even pay money, rather than a highly develeoped product with no content.

“If you’re good something, never do it for free.” – agreed. I chose my payment to be the “Likes” here.
Can’t buy anything for it, but I’d rather be a liked, likeable, broke author/blogger, than a shiny object of “admiration” with no content and no soul in my work.

BTW: I like you folks.
The moment the first Zed Episode received the first like my heart skipped a beat, my day got better in that very instant, and my determination to continue on was cemented.
I had tried before, but it was desasterous. This was my last attempt to make it as a blogger. And you made it happen!
Even if I stick with the current 28 followers until the end of (my) time – I thank you.
All of you.
I like you.
All of you.

A.