Posts tagged ‘amazon’

21st century, 1st world problems

I came across this toot on Mastodon.

Well, perhaps it is an evil scheme from Amazon, forcing toddlers and their parents to interact, at least occasionally.

By removing pictures, aka pictograms, and replacing them with text, kids who can’t read yet, MUST ask an adult (or older child) for assistance. This preventing, possibly, binge watching in the next generation, enforcing the oh so sweet human interaction.

But what do I know. My five year old would binge watch the entire library of Tom and Jerry, PJ Masks and similar stuff twice over if we would let him, or he had pictograms to help him navigate when we are distracted.

So, maybe, just maybe, Amazon didn’t fuck up, they did shit right.

Take care,

A.

Advertisements

Life ain’t that hard, Suggestions

I don’t know if I wrote about this before, or just drafted this shit in my head.
And if I already spewed my poison in this regard, I don’t care – this shit irks me again, right now.

Suggesting shit to people ain’t that hard. It basically boils down to two options:

1.: If you know the fuckers, have spent a lot of time with them, make suggestions based on THEIR taste. Whether that is music, games, movies, TV shows or (god forbid in the 21st century) books, or blogs, vlogs, podcasts, etc.!
2.: You find something so outrageously good, you just have to tell other people about it, and suggest they give it a try themselves.

There is no way a soulless, braindead algorithm is able to suggest anything to you, me or anyone else on the planet (or the entire universe), anything. (Unless it is a true AI, in which case the above checklist applies to the true AI as well)

I know these algorithms out there look into what I liked, what I am following, what I bought or claimed I already own, and base their suggestions to me based on their data, but these algorithms are utter, diarrhetic, feces.
They never hit the spot.
NEVER!
Relentlessly they keep barfing out worthless crap after worthless crap, after worthless crap, after worthless crap.
Unrelated in every and any sense to what I like, to what I am following, to what I bought/own(ed).

Dismiss, Dislike, Flag, Report. They keep coming back, but maybe if enough of us tell the people making these algorithms that they made a huge mistake, maybe they’ll stop….or tweak the algorithms until they have a virtual friend AI that truly knows us, and rule 1 applies….

Until then, do not suggest me anything unless rule 1 or rule 2 applies to the fullest!

Take care,
A.

People are fucking nuts.

Just a fun FYI, for once I would like to witness today’s title happening literally. 😉

What drove me to my “highly unusual” conclusion of mass debility?

Amazon, Books and People.

This mixture is odd, you say?
Maybe.
But once you saw that in the top selling books, two coloring books are among the top ranked, you start asking questions.
Like: Are there really that many children around, that these not only are top sellers, but also out of stock, on Amazon? – in short: No.
These books are bought FOR adults.
Colored in BY adults.

That was the moment I took some toilet paper, and wiped off my faith in humanity:

Coloring books for adults.

Are you fraking kidding me? I repeat: Coloring Books. For Adults!

Any potential “calming down” effects aside – you can get that from watching a fire consume the bodies of your enemies – how much more infantile can you get?
Coloring out a fairytale landscape is for five year olds, but not for grown ass people. 

Those are the same kind of people who think the Bible is to be taken literally, who believe Vaccines cause autism, who take channelings from the galactic federation of light seriously, and who take globuli against diabetus!

Coloring frak books, for fracking adults!
And you wonder why extremists want to wipe out western civilisation? There’s the answer. Grownups doing coloring books, and posting it online, while western society is standing by and let’s it happen without a word against it.

If it was one or two mental patients, my mouth would be shut tight. But two entire mental institutions couldn’t buy out the entire amazon.com stock! All of the US, can.
And here I sense the real tragedy – people with access to nuclear weapons (which are controlled by computers using 5inch floppy discs) are doing coloring-books.
Really?
A nation that sent men to the moon fourty-six years ago, is now populated by people who do this stuff for a pass time?
Really?
All you coloring Schmucks, turn to your (great)grandfathers. Look at them. They fought, in a little event called the second world war, Korean war, Vietnam war, and many more. They fought, for you. For your future.
And this is how you repay them? By doing coloring books?
If this was a fad amongst Veterans, who compensate for their PTSD – again, tightly shut pie holeon my part. But this is done by people with no excuse. The Teletubby generation, I presume.

Look numbnuts, if you need to unwind after a long day at work, do what I do – read. Books with words. Let your mind soar, sharpen it, and enjoy what unfolds. One book, one chapter, can give you more images in your head, than an entire library of coloring-books ever could!
But if you have to color in a coloring-book, here’s my suggestion. Do it in secret. Only oncea month, or in (or rather AFTER) very stressful situations – go home. Close all blinds, unhook the phone, turn off TV and internet, drink some wine (Ravenwood’s Zinfandel is recommended), and sit down with your array of 42 color pencils and a fresh page of the coloring book. Then toss that thing in the trash! And draw something that comes to your mind. Something that is truly allowing you to let out some steam! If it is a fiery mess that is eating through your life – doesn’t matter, as long as it let’s out some steam. If it looks like a 3 year old drew it, and your thirty three, doesn’t matter!

But don’t do coloring books, for crying out loud.

Take care, and lay off those coloring books!
A.

Beating the virtual (02.08.14)

I’m posting this irregularly instead of postponing it to some obscure Friday, this needs to be let out ASAP…

•)Fecesbook went down for 30 minutes and the shitheads call the cops because of this? Are you kidding me?!
Was crushing candy and trading geese really that important?? It went even so far that a police officer (or spokesperson) put out a tweet asking people to stop calling, because they didn’t know when it’ll be back, either!

•)Animal shelters across the UK notice a rise, if not a surge, in black animals being abandoned, especially black cats.
No, not because they’re the harbinger of ill fortune.
But because they are “no good for Facebook photos”…and you wonder why the servers had to take a 30 minute break from these morons?!

•)Amazon wishlist.
I don’t even know where to start.
Women (and girls I presume), are putting up a wishlist, if someone, even a total stranger, buys them their crap, they send him a semi-/nude pic.
A) that’s prostitution. If you know any female participating in this, call her what she is: a cheap whore.
B) it’s stupid. If you know any male purchasing crap for this, call him what he is: an idiot.

Don’t call any of the participants “perverts”, a pervert would be a dude asking a girl for her wishlist in return for a picture of her with a pine comb up her cootch. And she does it. THOSE are perverts.

You can find millions of naked women in the net.
Presumably some of them get their own kicks out of showing off. I believe tumblr is mostly living off of this.
I wouldn’t spend good cash for shit I don’t get (which will influence my amazon suggestions), just to see a semi-/naked photo of some bimbo.
Listen here gou twatfaces: for the amount of cash you want me/us to waste on you, I expect something more than just pictures! (No, not videos. Figure it out…)
And if pictures are all you’re willing to give, I’d only dote a few cents on you, so if you have a kindle, we can strike up a deal for an eBook. (As if you people ever read anything else than Facebook comments and tweets!)

Customer service

my balls.
I know I am not the first, nor the last, to complain about this, but the recently received email angered me.

“Please rate”, your transaction, your business partner, your product,  our service, your business partner’s service, etc.
What are you? An insecure idiot that wants constant approval? “Was it good for you?” What if I say no?

How is this customer friendly? You’re feeding me with unsaturated hatred! I rarely, if ever, read any user reviews on products onamazonline, because 99% of them are either written when angry (probably due to end-user-failure, hint: replace user and retry!) or when so high that Keith Richards seems like an anti drug activist. The last 1% is on books.
I never read any reviews of business partners, because WHO CARES?, I need that shit, and I need it asap, not in 3 weeks when the other seller is restocked. So I order it from them. Period.

It’s this constant IN YOUR FACE politics of online retailers that make me understand pirating even more. (Money and time aspect aside)
Pirate bay isn’t going berserk in your face upon your second visit: “People who downloaded that disgusting crap you downloaded last week, also viewed this weird shit, and many downloaded that sick crap! Please don’t forget to rate and review your download! Please tell us how you felt about the people you downloaded from. How do you like our service?”

I wish I had a Canon.
No, not a product from that company, but one that makes rather large holes into people, buildings and landscapes. With my canon I would shoot at the idiots over at Canon.

Why the sudden homicidal outburst?

Imagine you have an important document to scan, and you have this fancy Scanner-Printer-Fax combo at home (or your office for that matter). Sorry, but unless you refill your INK you can’t SCAN shit!!!
If I find out who thought that, that would be a good idea, hide from my canon. And no, you can’t switch to scanning to skip that annoying little obstacle. Wish it was that easy…

BTW: a fax? Why not send it over on a dinosaur?