Posts tagged ‘arse’

Random rant

•”She threads two rats asses on some string to hang in the livingroom, when you see why, it’s pure genius!”

No.
Not it’s not.
It’s mundane silly clickbait shit. Cut it out! No one cares why dad is erecting a 30 ton concrete monument around this sickly (possibly already dead) tree. Or why we all should pour thirty liters of diarrhoetic shit into the oven to bake for ten days at fifty thousand Kelvin.
It is probably some mundane shit that no one in their right mind would consider “genius”, or “brilliant”.

YOU won’t believe how easy it is to generate honest clicks without angering people: create content, assholes.

•We just had an election last week.
Murica is having one next year. Already I am fed up to the brim with politics.
How so? Let me answer this with a parable:
In order to evaluate whether a new bridge is nevessary or not, all the leaders of all the parties (leading and opposition) journey to the riverside. There’s no way across as the old bridge is crumbling away, they see some folks on the other side of the river and yell: “How do we get to the other side of the river?” (To get a look at stuff from over there)
To which the people mockingly reply: “You already ARE on the other side!”
Conclusion, opposition and leading party(ies) agree that no new bridge is needed, because they were able to get to the other aide easily.

Sad thing, this is probably happening right now somewhere, or has happened very recently….

•I hate the piss weather. But it could be far worse:

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I smelled the blue ocean, and I gotta tel you folks, if I had to live near a large body of water that stank like toilet cleaner, I’d have to murder at least seven people and thirteen goats daily, just to make it through life.
Gladly, real life doesn’t smell like this chemical approximation of “annoyed – the smell”.

As always, take care,
A.

Crappy Birthday in September

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This is the perfect gift for people who overcomplicate everything, including and especially taking a dump.

If your victimfriend likes the feeling of warm toilet seats (aka touching asses) and has to crap in a badly heated glass box so a feet warmer and discreet panel illumination are just their thing, and they like to s(h)it for hours on the bog listening to music, getting their buttholes (or in case of female friends, their vaginas) massaged by an oscillating/pulsating bidet stream – go for it.

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6,650.00$ is a price readily paid to give someone you hatelove the displeasure of this square-ish toilet.

Just ask in advance if the bog is e-mailing or twittering the times and durations, as well as chosen bidet programs for each individual user. The world has, after all, a right to know.

Have a crappy birthday, quite literally,
A.