Posts tagged ‘asshole’

Life ain’t that hard, hygiene

It was a joke, okay?
It was meant as a joke, for frak’s sake!

But then again….what’s with the body odor in the subway at 6am? And the mold colored teeth?
Ah, frak it.
Here we go again, it’s really simple:

•Teeth, brush ’em. There’s an extra device for it, called a toothbrush, put toothpaste on it, and scrub the little frakers thoroughly, at least once a day, or better yet, twice. Or three times!

Like George Carlin said, there are 4 key areas:
Armpits, Asshole, Crotch and Teeth. We already did the teeth, so we’ll substitute Teeth with Feet.

•Armpits, Asshole, Crotch and Feet – these four areas need a good washing at least on a daily basis to avoid any of the pesky stink we’re so often confronted with.

•The rest. This is not a free ticket to neglect the rest of your body. I wash it daily, but one should at least every other day.

•Hair. If it is shorter than shoulder length, every other day. Longer than that, every three to four days. If it reaches your ass – cut it.

•Shaving, my dear fellow men, is a necessity unless you want to look like a Hobo. That stubby three day beard of yours looks like crap smeared onto a plucked goose carcass. Ergo: SHAVE!

•Depending on your personal preferences,  shave your body parts as you please.

Now that you’re washed and kempt, get some clean clothes and…no. I already did that…go away…

As usual, take care, and don’t forget, for cases the next shower is a little bit away, there’s a thing called “Deodorant”.
A.

PS: If you’re sitting there wondering what to wash yourself with, it is called soap. Or showergel. You can take a bubble bath, or regular bath. Just cleanse yourselves.

15. Dec. 2014

AnusHow can you tell those very special people in your life how you feel and think about them?

By gifting them the WOODEN ASSHOLE!!

Nothing says “I despise the very ground you cast your filthy shadow on!” quite like a wooden anus. The naturalesque orifice sadly does not cnojur up skat to drop on the floor, but still it’s the symbolism that counts.

Amok egoism…

… I may not be Mr. Considerate myself, but I have gotten a reasonable amount of social competence from my mother, enough as to not being a tital prick.

Why am I writing this? At the time I write these lines, I was standing in a train, happily typing away on part four of act 3 of “Whose World” when the egoism around me, runs me over! First there is this little shit that stood just right in front of the door of the train, people were not able to exit it faster because of him. Just so Shitty McShitpants could get a seat.
Good work asshole!

Then the douchebag “I am important, Motherfucker” shows up and hangs his bag (a travelbag) on the handrail of the cab, so the starway is half blocked. I wished someone had tripped over it and sued that sunshaded prick for damages.
Asshat.

Idiot leaves with his bag, cue intro Twatty O’Twat, also known as the Onioncunt!
It should be prohibited under highprized penalties to enter any public transport with smelly food! Like in this case Onion Pizza. Happily munching away ger pseudo Italian cuisine she positioned her cart like bag – guess where – right, IN FRONT OF THE FUCKING STAIRS!! Later it fell over blocking all of it!

Which reminds me: no cart bags! You aren’t going on a trip? You aren’t shopping? Forget the wheeled bag!
Get a backpack, pack light or heavy, go.
Get a bag, pack light, go.
Get a cart, you better be shopping!

You know how irked I gotta be to stop writing?
Very.

Now if the selfcentered egomaniacs continue to show up in the bus, I’m going to turn violent… (how can people wonder why some people actually go on killingsprees?)

A.