Posts tagged ‘authors’

Shamelessness

Or: Why I suck at marketing

This is about my apparent inability to generate more views or followers for my blog. (Christmas Calendar not withstanding, that time was great, thank you people. Be prepared for X-Mess 2015!)

Let me get one thing out of the way before you shake your head in disgust and surf on: I’m not measuring my success with Likes or Followers.
They give me validation, yes.
But I get much more validation through views.

Why?

I read and watch a lot of stuff on the net, without handing out ‘likes’, yet I’ve read or watched it.
I even come back to read/watch more, culminating in me ‘following’.
This can go on for ages without me handing out a single ‘like’.
Views therefore mean much more to me than the occasional ‘likes’. (“You’ve seen it, you can’t unsee it!”)

This bit is about my apparent inability for shameless self-promotion.
In many groups I have joined online, no matter where (facebook, google+, MeWe, etc.) an Author hirself will show up and be like:

No_one-EvarHeardOf posted: From the acclaimed writer of the brilliant Theobald Quincy Cockburn-Hutzenbrutzen novels, the incandescentMy-Intestines-burn trilogy, comes the new bold part 1 of 5000, in the excitingly fiery series 51 shades of beige!

And I just can’t do that.
No one knows my name, no one gives a frak. So why would, or should, I pretend to be an ‘acclaimed writer’? (Or something similar)
Close to no one (except you brave souls who dare venturing to my blog when a new story part comes out) ever heard of my writings. So citing them as a reference – moot.

I just can’t lie boldly in the face of a potential audience, to garner their interest. If I were to get paid for this, I’d feel like I swindled someone out of their savings! Unlike money, the time, I would steal from my (potential) audience, can not be returned. So I have even greater reservations, from just going online and boldly claim shit, that I think is only true inside my head!

Pride in one’s accomplishments is completely justified, but if you’re a relatively unknown individual – do not assume a title like ‘acclaimed writer’, nor praise your own work as the greatest thing since the pyramids.
That makes you look like a complete Schmuck!

(And that, by the way, is why the Schmucks always get great view counts, good sales and great advertising cash, while most honest writers dwell in dirt, and their schmucky heirs later bathe in cash…or honest Schmoe turns into douchy Schmuck)

Yes, dear readers.
This is the reason why, if you came here following one of my ever repetitive social network posts, or discovered one of them, that post sounded sorta lame, and why there only will be equally lame posts.
I will not dash out there posting “From the fresh new writer yourstruly, comes the deeply philosophical, beloved story: Mr. Zed!”

“From the acclaimed writer of the philosophical Zombie Masterpiece Mr. Zed, here’s the highly brain tingling ‘Whose World’ series!”

Take care, and avoid the flyin bovine waste,
A.

PS: I think what bothers me almost as much as the airborne bovine waste distribution methods (aka Bullshit flyong around), is these people are talking in third person of themselves. Only royals (do I need to go there?) and crazy people do that. I ain’t crazy enough for that. (Yet!)

Writers and their tools

I saw a post on an entertainment page the other day *cough*9gag*cough* about famous authors and what they use for writing.

What they prefer, for writing.

Most used some sort of pen, glorifying it as if the pen was actually the author, not them. One used a typewriter, one a computer, older than dirt.

I sat there and scratched my head.

Not because they used that shit, or glorified it beyond belief (as if they got paid for it?).
But because I always saw them waaaaay beyond my reach, still do. I could never come anywhere close to their league, let alone play in it (I’d lose, I know that).
As I thought about that I also had to think about my writing preferences, and I shall let you in on them.

ANYTHING THAT I CAN USE TO BRING THOUGHTS INTO WRITTEN FORM.

Be it my tablet, cellphone, netbook, notebook, desk computer, pen and paper, nails and flesh.

Thought -> something -> written out

Perfect!
I don’t have a favorite writing utensil, no fetish for a certain tool, other than my mind, I don’t need shit. I don’t need the perfect pen, a reliable trusty old computer or typewriter from the GeStaPo! I need a tool to bring thoughts into written form, and that is it.

It is my opinion that as soon as you glorify your writing utensil, you’re on a downward slope. I obsiosly seem to be mistaken, since all these famous and successful writiers do it, but for me it doesn’t work.

To my fellow writiers out there who have issues with this as well, keep writing on what ever platform is handy to you, and don’t strive to be like the famous ones. You are unique. Your writing is unique, and so it should be with how you write.

Carry on,
A.