Posts tagged ‘balls’

Shamelessness

Or: Why I suck at marketing

This is about my apparent inability to generate more views or followers for my blog. (Christmas Calendar not withstanding, that time was great, thank you people. Be prepared for X-Mess 2015!)

Let me get one thing out of the way before you shake your head in disgust and surf on: I’m not measuring my success with Likes or Followers.
They give me validation, yes.
But I get much more validation through views.

Why?

I read and watch a lot of stuff on the net, without handing out ‘likes’, yet I’ve read or watched it.
I even come back to read/watch more, culminating in me ‘following’.
This can go on for ages without me handing out a single ‘like’.
Views therefore mean much more to me than the occasional ‘likes’. (“You’ve seen it, you can’t unsee it!”)

This bit is about my apparent inability for shameless self-promotion.
In many groups I have joined online, no matter where (facebook, google+, MeWe, etc.) an Author hirself will show up and be like:

No_one-EvarHeardOf posted: From the acclaimed writer of the brilliant Theobald Quincy Cockburn-Hutzenbrutzen novels, the incandescentMy-Intestines-burn trilogy, comes the new bold part 1 of 5000, in the excitingly fiery series 51 shades of beige!

And I just can’t do that.
No one knows my name, no one gives a frak. So why would, or should, I pretend to be an ‘acclaimed writer’? (Or something similar)
Close to no one (except you brave souls who dare venturing to my blog when a new story part comes out) ever heard of my writings. So citing them as a reference – moot.

I just can’t lie boldly in the face of a potential audience, to garner their interest. If I were to get paid for this, I’d feel like I swindled someone out of their savings! Unlike money, the time, I would steal from my (potential) audience, can not be returned. So I have even greater reservations, from just going online and boldly claim shit, that I think is only true inside my head!

Pride in one’s accomplishments is completely justified, but if you’re a relatively unknown individual – do not assume a title like ‘acclaimed writer’, nor praise your own work as the greatest thing since the pyramids.
That makes you look like a complete Schmuck!

(And that, by the way, is why the Schmucks always get great view counts, good sales and great advertising cash, while most honest writers dwell in dirt, and their schmucky heirs later bathe in cash…or honest Schmoe turns into douchy Schmuck)

Yes, dear readers.
This is the reason why, if you came here following one of my ever repetitive social network posts, or discovered one of them, that post sounded sorta lame, and why there only will be equally lame posts.
I will not dash out there posting “From the fresh new writer yourstruly, comes the deeply philosophical, beloved story: Mr. Zed!”

“From the acclaimed writer of the philosophical Zombie Masterpiece Mr. Zed, here’s the highly brain tingling ‘Whose World’ series!”

Take care, and avoid the flyin bovine waste,
A.

PS: I think what bothers me almost as much as the airborne bovine waste distribution methods (aka Bullshit flyong around), is these people are talking in third person of themselves. Only royals (do I need to go there?) and crazy people do that. I ain’t crazy enough for that. (Yet!)

Irregular annoyed post 25 March 2015

Brightly lit day, I’d estimate it to be somewhen between 10am and 1 pm:
A dude rides on a Bike, a Bartender at an open air Bar opens a bottle with orange booze in it, next to the “on” Mic for an orange speaker-system in the street.
Orange booze is poured in glasses with fresh ice in them.
Bike-guy steals an orange hat from a girl conversing with another girl at a table in front of a Café. As she follows he rings his bell.
More booze is poured in ice filled glasses.
A stack of boxes containing oranges on a cart is rolling down a street, people (dude with ridicoulus hair; woman in “summerdress”) run after it. As the cart is forced to a stop by an obstacle, two women eagerly catch the oranges using bags (plastic by the looks of it).
Later these people (chasers and catching women) calmly walk down a sidewalk, passing oranges between them by throwing.
Different people steal orange hopping balls from an open delivery truck, smiling like exceptional individuals. Delivery guy sees this, laughs and takes two of the balls for himself, running after them while they are hopping down the road on said balls.
Booze in glasses is now handed out to some people (IN BROAD DAYLIGHT).
Suddenly the balls are baloons filled with “lighter than air” gass, people with booze-glasses walk joyfully around the baloons and several shelves (!) of identical bottles with the orange booze.
A dude on a bike (bike guy from before?) tows an orange sofa by. More booze drinking people, on the sofa and off.
All the while an annoying french song is playing.

Did you guess what it is?
Yes, the overly annoying Aperol advertising.

STOP GIVING ME THE SAME CRAP OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN ON YOUTUBE!

I never have tasted Aperol, and thanks to this advert – I NEVER WILL! So shove it!

If you could rage quit youtube, I’d do it atm.

Take care and drink ANYTHING BUT APEROL!

All this rage inducing shite aside, did you think about what your advert is telling people? THAT THESE PEOPLE HAVE ALCOHOL PROBLEMS! They hear a Bartender (pusher) open a bottle and stream in droves to the bar to get their fix IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY! How can these people get drunk that early? Aperol! “Joy is contagious!” Yeah, contagiously stupid.

Now stop doing idiotic adverts, and for the love the gods – stop dishing out the same advert thousands of times…

A.