Posts tagged ‘bike’

The exclusivity is gone…

Beach dunes where the resorts AREN’T

Well.

In a location like Bibione, there was no real exclusivity to begin with:

•There are more guest beds than people

•One resort hugs the other

•The beach is worse than an egg laying factory

•Glass refuse is collected at 10pm

•Without any knowledge of the local language (Italian), or English (second language), armed just with my native tongue (German), I could’ve gotten by.

But still. There was a tiny sliver of exclusivity.

So. I took a bike ride to the lighthouse, and then through the forest.

Insects sound foreign.

Smells are similar to the woods at home, but still foreign (coastal).

Sounds are generally foreign.

Then a trail lead off the beaten track.

A nice coast opened up, along a river flowing into the sea.

I hadn’t seen a car for what felt like AGES.

What do I see parked there?

A car.

A lone car, far from any (official) road.

Not only was it from my home country.

No.

From my hometown!

Some five hundred (547.5 to be exact) kilometers from home, away from the resorts, of the beaten track and the roads, through an abandoned village,

along a scenic coast (once the resort beaches were gone), what do I find???

The same fucktards I have at home.

The exclusivity is gone, lost so permanently it will never come back.

Thanks, asshole.
A.

Put on some clothes!

I’ve be been hiking through the woods round my hometown with my kid lately. We’ve met a few people doing so.

First to mention is Pia, a girl a year younger than my son, whom he claims he loves. She’s blond, like the other girls he’s fallen for so far.

A couple of people with dogs, which reminded us both that we miss having a dog.

Most recently a pair of elderly ladies, who were really nice people, it saddens me that they’re elderly, because they’re so nice and that means in the not too distant future they’ll die, and make place for ASSHOLES.

Which brings me to the last group we encountered: assholes.

First off, the bicycle creeps.

Guys (and it is almost exclusively GUYS) riding their bikes at, what I can only describe as, terminal velocities, down WINDING HIKING paths, full of people, children, and dogs.

I hope they all have accidents that involve them falling in a way onto their wheels, crotch first, ridding the world of their genes.

Secondly, shirtless men.

These fuckers come, generally, in two flavours: chicken breasts, and bears.

No well defined Adonis, not a young Schwarzenegger. No.

Young dudes without muscles, or hair – sometimes badly plucked chickens, guys with some patchy hair – strut through the woods, dripping sweat like a pathetic miniature raincloud on legs, bearing an expression as if they, these human mole rats, were the new definition of manhood and manliness. Fucking incels.

The bear type is either fat, or hides a chicken breast beneath some fur, but is otherwise EXACTLY like the mole rat. Hideous and sweat dispensing.

You may not like to think of sweat, and much rather pretend that it waters the woods, but if it runs off of your body, it’s useless. If some clothing catches it, and it evaporates from there, that’s what cooles you down.

You may think you’re manly, but you are a disgustingly looking piece of shit – mole rat or bear – that reeks of desperation and, coincidentally, SWEAT.

Put on some fucking clothes you repulsive sack of body odour liquids.

I outlined to you a practical reason why – the disgusting, and unhygienic, sweat dispersal aside – its unpleasant.

YOU ARE UNPLEASANT.

To look at.

Your backpack is dripping wet, so you shifted the sweat problem from a piece of clothing to a piece of luggage, and you’re not an Adonis!

I’m not some prude who dislikes naked bodies, sense of place. Semi nudist in public, isn’t decent. It isn’t esthetic.

Stop it.

Go to the beach if you want a tan. Put on some fucking clothes when you want to hike. Or shop. Or eat.

Take care,

A.

Irregular annoyed post 25 March 2015

Brightly lit day, I’d estimate it to be somewhen between 10am and 1 pm:
A dude rides on a Bike, a Bartender at an open air Bar opens a bottle with orange booze in it, next to the “on” Mic for an orange speaker-system in the street.
Orange booze is poured in glasses with fresh ice in them.
Bike-guy steals an orange hat from a girl conversing with another girl at a table in front of a Café. As she follows he rings his bell.
More booze is poured in ice filled glasses.
A stack of boxes containing oranges on a cart is rolling down a street, people (dude with ridicoulus hair; woman in “summerdress”) run after it. As the cart is forced to a stop by an obstacle, two women eagerly catch the oranges using bags (plastic by the looks of it).
Later these people (chasers and catching women) calmly walk down a sidewalk, passing oranges between them by throwing.
Different people steal orange hopping balls from an open delivery truck, smiling like exceptional individuals. Delivery guy sees this, laughs and takes two of the balls for himself, running after them while they are hopping down the road on said balls.
Booze in glasses is now handed out to some people (IN BROAD DAYLIGHT).
Suddenly the balls are baloons filled with “lighter than air” gass, people with booze-glasses walk joyfully around the baloons and several shelves (!) of identical bottles with the orange booze.
A dude on a bike (bike guy from before?) tows an orange sofa by. More booze drinking people, on the sofa and off.
All the while an annoying french song is playing.

Did you guess what it is?
Yes, the overly annoying Aperol advertising.

STOP GIVING ME THE SAME CRAP OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN ON YOUTUBE!

I never have tasted Aperol, and thanks to this advert – I NEVER WILL! So shove it!

If you could rage quit youtube, I’d do it atm.

Take care and drink ANYTHING BUT APEROL!

All this rage inducing shite aside, did you think about what your advert is telling people? THAT THESE PEOPLE HAVE ALCOHOL PROBLEMS! They hear a Bartender (pusher) open a bottle and stream in droves to the bar to get their fix IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY! How can these people get drunk that early? Aperol! “Joy is contagious!” Yeah, contagiously stupid.

Now stop doing idiotic adverts, and for the love the gods – stop dishing out the same advert thousands of times…

A.

To my jogging neighbors…

You want to lead a healthier lifestyle than the average Joe and keep fit?
Good! Here are some easy to follow suggestions to do just that:

– Shut your fucking piehole! Don’t tell people uninvited about your workout regime or diet. No one cares!

– Get off that bicycle! I know riding the bike is the new shit but honestly it isn’t. Bicyclists are a menace and they should be dealt with as a menace, Run over pedestrians, dogs, kids, they cause  accidents and clutter up the streets. So, don’t.

– You want to live healthier? Then stop jogging on tarmac sidewalks, in innercity districts! If you continue this for 12 to 20 years, your joints will be crap! And if I were to smoke a pack of cigarettes a day and you jog for an hour a day I’m healthier after 20 years!! So, stop jogging!

– Keep your Soy crap! No one gives a shit about tofu and soy juice! So if you going veg eat or even vegan that’s nice but keep it to yourself. And don’t even get me started on stevia! If you want something to be sweet, use sugar, if you don’t like sugar, don’t sweeten it! It’s like caffeine free coffee and alcohol free beer: Joyless fun!

I’m certain, if you follow the suggestions, your health will either improve or at least be safe from harm by your fellow human beings