Posts tagged ‘bullshit’

Shopping confusion

I don’t mean to nitpick (actually, yes, I do, I love that), but doesn’t that mean that the stuff you wanted out, is actually still in?

Free from: Gluten, oh wait, no that’s still in, hmm strike through; Soy, uhm no… that’s also still in, strike through; etc.

I know what they’re going for here, but all you achieve is confusion. Packaging and marketing, FAIL.

This is marketing an inferior product to gullible idiots.

Take care, A.

Tu Felix Austria

There’s this hospital being built in my home town of Vienna: Hospital north.

The price tag nearly doubled, it’s opening date postponed several times.

But that is not of the issue.

Recently ONE additional item about that hospital came to light with the hefty price tag of 95,000 Euro.

“What was it? An improved Heli-pad?” no my friends, nothing so simple, mundane and practical.

A FUCKING PROTECTION CIRCLE!

For 95,000 Euro a “consultant” was hired to “integrate the plot with mother natures energy flows” and “draw a protective circle” around it.

95k for woo.

If it was a private hospital catering to the rich, but delusional goop-buying crowd, I wouldn’t care. But it is a public hospital. Paid for with tax payer money. And mandatory pubic health insurance money.

WOO!

The city councillor responsible for these matters (who should be fired over this) didn’t know Jack about this, and had tasked the leader of the hospital department (who should be fired over this) to find the one responsible for this, who was then transfered (I hope that is code for “she was be fired over this).

No one, not one, of the RESPONSIBLE people actually feel responsible, and they claim to know nothing of this.

In the end one of of these neuron deficient weasels will stand there and say in an apologetic tone “I take full responsibility.”

YOU HAD IT THE WHOLE FUCKING TIME!!!

It sounds like the plot to some springtime-for-Hitler esque comedy starring Tim Allen, or an onion piece. But this is real folks.

In middle Europe.

A modern, western country.

Not some third world country that until last night was still hunting witches.

No.

AUSTRIA.

EUROPE.

What irks me the most about this is the implicitness with which all of this is reported. As if a “realignment with mother natures energy flows” and “protection against negative influences” was something that is being done with every plot, every building site. If some rich trouser stain is doing this for his estate – knock yourself out.

In that case I’d be rooting for the fraud. Take the rich fucks money! Take as much as you can carry.

But this?

PUBLIC money, for a PUBLIC hospital.

The guy who did all that (funny name, “Fasching” loosely translated “ Carnival”) was a car dealer before he turned esoteric. Why he stopped being a car dealer? His superiors pressured him too much to make a profit.

Oh. They would be so proud.

He sold a bunch of nothing and got paid massively for it.

In addition to the aforementioned bullshit he also held a seminar (or a few) for the higher-ups (who should all be fired over this) of the one-fine-day-to-be hospital.

None of them said anything or raised an alarm.

Not one said “I’m going back to doing actual work, you’re gone in five or I’ll call the cops and the press.”

95,000 Euro for absolutely nothing!

A councillor from another party stated in an interview that it is a shame that a hospital, a place of science, is involved with such woo.

I agree.

But, as a side note,

A – you are from the Christian party. Shut up.

B – there’s a homeopathic walk in clinic at Vienna’s AKH (common hospital) – paid for with, you guessed it, TAXPAYER and mandatory public health insurance money.

I am aggravated, outraged, and in the mood for murder, but: I am not surprised.

Fuck me sideways.

There are tribes yet uncontacted-by-civilisation in the Amazon who laugh at us over this! There are bush-people tripping on mushrooms (or the likes) with a more firm grip on reality.

It isn’t just a shame, this warrants a wave – a tsunami – of people getting fired (WITHOUT PAY, that is being kept to balance the 95k out!) to ensure that the idiocy is rooted out. “Cut healthy tissue close to the tumor away too doc, better safe than sorry.”

I think I will draft a letter to the city council:

As chairman of the darkmage society of austria, I demand 94,999 euro, or we will destroy the protection circle and flood the hospital grounds with negative energies, we are many, your puny trickster can not stop us.

If they resist and say how they will know that we have destroyed the protection I’ll answer how they know that it hasn’t. “We have the guarantee of the man who made it.”

“You have my guarantee against it.”

Word against word.

Insanity against insanity.

Take care,

A.

Vaping

Imagine you’re walking a street – any innocuous urban street – and about two meters in front of you walk two guys.
In the olden times they’re regular old smokers. They smoke as they walk. You would’ve gotten a whiff of their smoke and to a degree you could even tell the brand. At least whether they’re smoking cheap or expensive tobacco.
These days, they vape. As they walk. You get a cloud of scented shit in your face. The artificial chemical approximation of ‘apple’, or ‘vanilla’, or something else that it doesn’t smell like.
We get it.
You vape.
It’s hip these days. But here’s a suggestion to all you vapers out there: grow a lung and either smoke like everyone else, or don’t smoke like everyone else.
But this steam bullshit ain’t going to cut it.
Research showed it is just as chock full of poison as traditional smoking, and you look like a colossal dipshit doing it.
The clouds you leave behind smell like a unicorn fucked a potpourri turned into vapor.
Seriously.
Stop.
This is vegan sausage all over again.
Either you want to be a vegan, OR you eat sausage. Either you smoke, OR you don’t.
Decide. But don’t try to dance on both weddings at the same time, ruining the fun for everyone.
Take care,
A.

Election Day 

Today is election day.
No shit, Sherlock! It isn’t as if I had been looking forward to seeing an end of all these talks, interviews and all the other campaign bullshit. It isn’t as if I’m singing “Their smiling faces, give me diarrhea” in my head, everytime I see one of these mutant grimaces flashing their teeth at me…

Someone please tell those 2,948 people that they’re morons! Oooh you did a grown up thing? Bravo!
You want a hug? A participation ribbon? A trophy? Some candy?
Fuck you!
What’s next? “I drove to work.” Give that person a medal! “I brushed my teeth!” I sense a Nobel prize winner here…

You’re supposed to vote! That is what a responsible adult living in a democracy does. All this passive aggressive “I voted” crap is empty vapid ego jerking, for the votee to feel superior. To whom?
Non voters. Guess how much of a flying fuck they give about the “I voted” bunch.
Exactly. So….
Fuck. Off.

See election info?
SEE ELECTION INFO???
If you’re eligible to vote, and you need to be educated on HOW, WHERE, WHY, and WHAT concerning this current election, ON ELECTION DAY – do us all a solid, and do not vote.
You imbecilic cunts are the reason this system is broken. For you, there should be a non-participation ribbon/trophy “To dumb to vote, so I didn’t.”

All in all, Facebook, bugger off. Leave politics alone.
Users create and discuss and participate in politics, but you ought to be neutral and STFU.

Take care.

PS: I voted. Give me validation!

[This was written on 15th October 2017.]

BTH – ASMR…

Why is this even a thing?

These are people who do not know how to use a microphone: they’re breathing into one as if they wanted to either swallow, or make sweet sweet love to it.
That is NOT how you use a mic, dumbass.

I’m not one to deny others their kink, far from it, but you wankers want the “girlfriend experience” – without the “experience” part.
You see, afaik, some prostitutes offer “the girlfriend experience” (for extra of course), and then you get cuddling, kissing, sweet talk, and what not (I imagine). There you get an actual experience.
With this crap you get no experience.

If I were one to go on business trips around the globe, so when I lay my weary CEO head down to cry on a cushion stuffed with stacks of cash while I pleasure myself to sleep, my beloved trophy wife is not able to lull me through it on the phone thanks to timezones, I’d have her breathe into a mic for half an hour, nude, and then play that video back to me.
I am not.
These people are not near and dear to me.
On the polar opposite.
They are complete and utter fraking strangers!
Making all of this a little creepy…

I would almost understand this, if it were porn [porn-porn. Not this brain-porn crap that someone equated this bullshit to]:
A naked chick (or guy, what have you), giving an imaginary protagonist (the camera) a POV girlfriend experience.
With sweet talk, breathing into a microphone, sensual descriptive talk about what they ‘are doing’ with you, complete with ‘noise’.

But this is people breathe-talking in the most annoying fashion possible [not whispered, not spoken, but the dimwitted bastard offspring of the two, that’s too loud and pronounced to be soothing or comfortable, but too low and hushed to be easily intelligible], making noise too close to the microphone [if I for example were to crave the sound of a girl brushing her long long hair, I want to hear it like normal people hear it, not the way a mic taped to the back of the brush picks it up!], and saying the most ridiculously mundane crap ever [if you have no one in your life you can talk about bowel movements with, stop the ASMR, quit your busy job and get friends and/or a spouse, because that is what you NEED]!

Get outta here!

But note, after this election I understand everyone who needs to get relaxed in any way shape or form.

People who….

schould be beaten with poles enscribed with facts.

These days the bullshit express ran around Facebook (and other asocial media) with the two dudes standing opposite each other arguing whether the number painted on the floor between them is a ‘6’ or a ‘9’.
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Listen here you uber pseudo-tolerant assholes out there, this is completely wrong.
This is the level of erroneous bullshit I’ve come to expect to see from people who need ‘safe spaces’ (despite there being none on the planet, unless you dig an airraid shelter without internet, TV or radio, books or newspapers, then you and your opinions are in a safe space).
There are no other sides to a debate about the “truth”.
Either something is, or it isn’t. (Unless you’re dealing with quantum physics. But that’s another can of worms.)
A friend of mine said that, while you do not have to give validity to the opinions of the other side, you have to give validity to the emotions behind them.
No.
No, I don’t.
Giving validation, for example, to these cretins who believe vaccines cause autism, even in the slightest, is too much. They squeeze their foot through the door and wiggle until they are in. And before you know it they stand in your living room babbling on about something, reeking of rancid coconut oil and herbal mixtures for their hair.

We live in a time and world where opinions and feelings are higher valued than facts, and someone coined the phrase ‘post-factual’. In such a world where I can beat on peoples ears with facts until my mouth dries up and their eardrums bleed, without changing ANYTHING, you honestly expect me to see your (erring) point of view, or the misguided emotions behind it?
No.

“Look sunshine, here’s a 4, a 5 and thus this is a 6, followed by a 7 and an 8, and, oh, look, a 9.
If you go there and argue that it is a 6, I will make you eat the paint.” Facts, people, facts.

I’m done debating feelings and opinions crowds. These window-lickers are immune to facts, why waste my time?
The earth is a globe (more or less), it isn’t hollow, moonlanding was real, 9/11 was a terrorist attack, there are no reptilians, the jewish global conspiracy is non existent, vaccines are safe, healthy, and important, chemtrails do not exist, nor do Morgellons, aliens (if they exist at all) don’t give a crap about earth – or humans in particular, safespaces are bullshit, there are only 2 genders (Genders, are facts. Identities, are feelings. Got that? Good, moving on), HAARP and weather manipulation are BS, mindcontrol does not work, and dihydrogrenmonoxide is H2O also known as water you chemistry-phobic velcro shoe wearing half wits!

I state the facts in an argument, I will not discuss the opinions and emotions. Facts.
If you do not change your mind and keep on being stupid, fuck you.
The point of ridicule has then been reached. And I will make fun of you until I get bored.
Trolling? Maybe.
Adequate reaction of a facts person to a postfactual idiot? Definitely.

Do not defend this garbage. Keep this postfactual crap where it belongs – in pre-school.

Take care
A.

Listen Zodiacs.

Every day, in the morning hours my town’s local radio station is devoting some 5 to 10 minutes an hour to reading vague “Horoscopes”. Then you’ll hear some dog shit like “Leo: today you excell at interpersonal realations, but beware money decisions.”

Who in the fraking world is this for?

What kind of empty existence, deprived of reasons for continuing life, sits in front of their radio (or car, or office) and listens to some (stolen phrase ahead) assoholic bitch tell them something that may apply to them?
Even if Horoscopes were real (which they’re not), a generalisation of an entire zodiac sign is like saying “White people, today you will be racist, but your white spouse will be in the mood.”. If that wasn’t hurtful enough try this analogy: “Blacks, stay away from cops, but watermelon is abundant today!”
What the fuck? It’s thinly veiled ‘racism’ based on zodiac signs. Zodiacism.

But we live in the 21st century. Zodiacs are bullshit. Horoscopes are bullshit. We have sent people men (let’s face the truth here, mkay?) to the moon, have established a permanent space station in orbit, discovered the building blocks of MATTER, and still people read/listen to/make Horoscopes???
I don’t get it.

Devote 5 to 10 minutes an hour to SCIENCE news. Not fairytale bullshit that is en parr with religiotic tales.

Stop bullshitting yourselves and others. Grow up and take responsibility for your lives, you can’t just lay back and say ‘horoscope said it’d be a failure day’, or wait for fortune to drop in your lap while doing nothing to get it.

Take care,
A.

Beating the Hippies, Beast of the Number

Yeah, this is about the “number magic” some of these New Age Witchpeople…uhm… “practice”.

To give you an impression of how much shit they’ve got on their shelves:

They write down a series of numbers (f.e.: 16, 22, 13, 5, 78) called a code, on a piece of paper, put a jug of perfectly fine, clean, drinkable tap water on it and wait.
For what?
For the “code” to work, to purify the water, or energise it, or something.

After a few minutes the jug’s content is ready to be drunk, and the paper with the code, is now to be thrown away (or ritualistically burned).
Whether that code would scare- or whisk away any real threats, like e.coli, out of murky water, I don’t know.
These snivelling shits only suffer from “upper middle class, first world problems”.
How do I know?
Easy, other fields of work for this malpractice of paper wasting and number abuse is, (amongst infinitely more) Chemtrail busting.
Hence their codes never were field tested with e.coli ridden waters!

“And it really, REALLY works!!!!111onetyone”
-Hippie

No.
No it doesn’t Moonraybutterfly. Numbers don’t filter or cleanse water. Otherwise we wouldn’t need “bigSewage” with their treatment plants…

Look, people, like your problems, your solutions are made up.
I already have explained arbitrary dates, that don’t phaze the universe and grander powers (if existent) at play, and now I have to go at this?

Okay! Here we go again!

Numbers, or codes as you call it, are about as magical, as turds floating on rivers of piss. Translate the base10 numbers you’re using into – lets say, hexadecimal – you’re screwed.

Let’s play with the most known magical number – 666

Roman numeral system: DCLXVI
Hexadecimal system: 29A
Binary: 1010011010

Not so menacing anymore, is it?

You do this with all your stupid “magic” “holy” or “unholy” numbers and your hokuspokus flies apart at the speed of light.
Numbers don’t cleanse your water, they do not disolve contrails, they don’t empower you pecker, don’t unblock your colon and won’t help you in any way shape or form. (Except the right ones on a lottery ticket)

Don’t any of you mathematical imbeciles dare say “But numbers are universal!!!! Foar the entire Universe!!!!11”
They’re not. (Pi is, I grant you that)
Our numbering system is based on 10 due to our 10 fingers. Imagine Aliens with twelve fingers.
Like Hexadecimal, after 10 comes 1A, and 1B, before you switch over to 11! 
Numbers are arbitrary. Sure, there is a definitive mass to a standard Hydrogen atom, but whether you call it 1H as a base for a new unit, or base that mass as a (n arbitrarily numbered) fraction of something (arbitrary) else (grams? ounces? mol?) is all riding the randomly chosen number roller coaster again.

So no. Numbers are not universal.
Numbers are not magical.
There are no “codes”. At least no magical ones.

Take care,
A.

PS: If above example code yields proven results, I demand credit and royalties ;þ

PPS: If you are now trying that code for various shit my code already worked…it lured in gullible twits.

Shamelessness

Or: Why I suck at marketing

This is about my apparent inability to generate more views or followers for my blog. (Christmas Calendar not withstanding, that time was great, thank you people. Be prepared for X-Mess 2015!)

Let me get one thing out of the way before you shake your head in disgust and surf on: I’m not measuring my success with Likes or Followers.
They give me validation, yes.
But I get much more validation through views.

Why?

I read and watch a lot of stuff on the net, without handing out ‘likes’, yet I’ve read or watched it.
I even come back to read/watch more, culminating in me ‘following’.
This can go on for ages without me handing out a single ‘like’.
Views therefore mean much more to me than the occasional ‘likes’. (“You’ve seen it, you can’t unsee it!”)

This bit is about my apparent inability for shameless self-promotion.
In many groups I have joined online, no matter where (facebook, google+, MeWe, etc.) an Author hirself will show up and be like:

No_one-EvarHeardOf posted: From the acclaimed writer of the brilliant Theobald Quincy Cockburn-Hutzenbrutzen novels, the incandescentMy-Intestines-burn trilogy, comes the new bold part 1 of 5000, in the excitingly fiery series 51 shades of beige!

And I just can’t do that.
No one knows my name, no one gives a frak. So why would, or should, I pretend to be an ‘acclaimed writer’? (Or something similar)
Close to no one (except you brave souls who dare venturing to my blog when a new story part comes out) ever heard of my writings. So citing them as a reference – moot.

I just can’t lie boldly in the face of a potential audience, to garner their interest. If I were to get paid for this, I’d feel like I swindled someone out of their savings! Unlike money, the time, I would steal from my (potential) audience, can not be returned. So I have even greater reservations, from just going online and boldly claim shit, that I think is only true inside my head!

Pride in one’s accomplishments is completely justified, but if you’re a relatively unknown individual – do not assume a title like ‘acclaimed writer’, nor praise your own work as the greatest thing since the pyramids.
That makes you look like a complete Schmuck!

(And that, by the way, is why the Schmucks always get great view counts, good sales and great advertising cash, while most honest writers dwell in dirt, and their schmucky heirs later bathe in cash…or honest Schmoe turns into douchy Schmuck)

Yes, dear readers.
This is the reason why, if you came here following one of my ever repetitive social network posts, or discovered one of them, that post sounded sorta lame, and why there only will be equally lame posts.
I will not dash out there posting “From the fresh new writer yourstruly, comes the deeply philosophical, beloved story: Mr. Zed!”

“From the acclaimed writer of the philosophical Zombie Masterpiece Mr. Zed, here’s the highly brain tingling ‘Whose World’ series!”

Take care, and avoid the flyin bovine waste,
A.

PS: I think what bothers me almost as much as the airborne bovine waste distribution methods (aka Bullshit flyong around), is these people are talking in third person of themselves. Only royals (do I need to go there?) and crazy people do that. I ain’t crazy enough for that. (Yet!)

History class(less)

My country, Austria, in central Europe, is over a thousand years old.
Well. The oldest written record concerning Austria is over a thousand years old, from AD 996, so it stands to reason to assume that the country in and of itself is a bit older than that.

A thousand years of history, from dark ages, crusades and wars fought on this soil, to modern day achievements and discoveries.

There is a newspaper in this country that has named itself after this country, and for some odd reason or another they made a book about the thousand years of history in this country, claiming that one could find everything in that book concerning those thousand years…
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For that, however, they kept it rather concise: 80 pages, and that includes our crappy anthem. (Please observe that the Index puts a two page anthem article on page 80, and in reality it is pages 78-79)
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A 78 page esay – in a regular format like A4, not the oddly sized bookling we’re talking about here – might be enough to write about the time since 1995, ever since the election concerning Austria joining the EU was stolenheld, the center-right government was in power and the banking crisis of recent years took place.
MIGHT.

At the same time, this bookling is another great analogy of my own history classes.

I sat in history classes for four years during my regular school career. We had two years in which we did everything from the dawn of time as we know it, up until 1938, and everything after 1945 to the present.
The other two years we stuck with that 7 year period (from hell). Austria joining Hitler Germany, all the way to the end.

This bookling isn’t doing that per se, but boasting about 1000 years of history and then from page 18 on forward only doing 20th century (and the beginning of this one) is NOT doing the other 900 years any justice!
So if you are planning on doing anything like this for your country, be honest.
The last 100 years are better documented (and more detailed so) than the previous 1000 together. Our bias towards the recent history therefore, is natural.

But if you are claiming to teach history, in form of a class or a book(ling), treat the topics like you would unruly children: be objectively and treat them equal.
Otherwise you end up with something like this. Proof that infinity exists.

How’s that you ask? In theory, if you had enough time (=infinity) you could throw your wet laundry in the dryer and it might, on one occasion, come out not only dry, but also perfectly folded.
This bookling must have come into existence in such freak accident. Paper and printing ink were combined by some miracle of infinity to create this, without any human supervision or interference of any kind. No journalists, no printing, no anything. Just a mysterious explosion that shatspat out this creation. A miracle. A crappy one, but still….
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