Posts tagged ‘cabin’

Cabin of Death roaring

After the elevator had been out of commission for a week, instead of ten days (at least something), it worked for just as long.

A week.
One fucking week!

Are you kidding me? Are you being serious?

In addition to the damn thing being broken AGAIN, the entire time it DID work, every time it started to move UP it let go a roar that was the loudest in the sixth floor.
My floor.

It is already being fixed, as I write these lines.
But the roaring persists…that’s what you get for taking the cheapest contractor…

Take care,
A.

Cabin of Death under repair.

“Dear tenants, please notw that from the 2nd of May until the 12th of May 2016 this elevator willbe offline, due to maintenance and repair. We are sorry for the inconvenience.”

Alright.
I am not burning down the house.
Yet.

I live on the 6th floor, or the 7th if you can’t count right (a.k.a. American), which means on a normal weekday I go down once in the morning, and ideally, up once in the afternoon. If there’s an “emergency” more often in both directions.

This time span includes a weekend, a holiday and a banking holiday. I hope that am all ten days from rhe earliest hour possible, until the latest possible, there will be men (amd women?) laboring hard to improve our technological standard and safety.
Because of not, I will become irked.
And then I will burn shit.
So I leave the house at 6am, there better be a bunch of schmucks greeting me with a smile and greasy faces ready to weld something, including the banking day, and holiday.
Or you turn the darn thing back on during the four day weekend you and your lazy jerkoffs are going to take, now are you?

I know, they will not be turning it on, and I know, they will not be working from 6am till 10pm, but at least I was able to let off some steam…

Take care, and steer clear of elevators…
A.

Cabin of Death returns…

So, before I start, let me give you a tour of the elevators I am frequenting.

The elevator at home is a cabinet the size of 1 meter times half a meter. The sign says “4 Persons”…what kind of persons? Anorexic teenagers lifted from a mental facility?
Once we tried. From 6th floor to ground floor. After two seconds we gasped for air, as the oxygen was gone withing that time, after another two seconds we were gasping for more air, as the elevator had gotten stuck.
But it is supposed to be able to lift “320 kp”.
What unit is “kp”? The opfficial weight meassure in my country is “KILOGRAMs” or “kg”. So what is “kp”? Kilo pound? That would make it 320,000 pounds. You can’t get to that number if you take four super fat americans who drink their coffee with extra added fat-milk!
So what is 320 kp meant to be?

Carrying on, the cabin of death at my work place is supposed to handle 10 people, or 1000 kilograms. Now, this is more reealistic. 100kg per person, times ten is 1000 kg. Plus it’s an actual weight unit.
We once got in six of us. And we’re not the american super weight people who are fatter than the fattest man alive from the 1950’s. Normal people, ranging between 60 and 100 kg. Mind you, we were six!
Immediately the alarm went off: BEEEEEP! and the red light lit up telling us that we were too heavy.

How do they come up with these arbitrary numbers of people allowed in the elevator anyways? I imagine they stuffed ten plastic mannequins in there, two rows of three, two piled up sideways between the rows and another two stuffed overhead. Then the engineers looked at each other and nodded, saying “ten?”
“Yes, ten.”

So, recently I got into one of the elevators at work, the doors closed, and – if you’re like me you have something in your hand. Cellphone, tablet, book, magazine, newspaper, anything to occupy your mind. – after a while you turn, like the good programmed little drones we are, and then it hits you! The bloody thing hasn’t moved a millimeter!
Frantically you start hitting all the buttons, door open, door close, all the floors, close to pressing the alarm button suddenly the door pops open on the floor you entered and you jump out!
Weird thing is, after this the elevator goes where it is supposed to. Not that I have ridden it out, I’m not going near the damn thing anymore.
Only recently I had waited for a bloke who had entered the thing before me, while holding the door of the other elevator. He came out, relieved to be free again, and thanked me for waiting.

So, the Cabin of Death strikes again. Repeatedly, all the while I hear people tell stories how they got trapped.

Take the stairs, people,
A.

It’s topical…

…my kid has a fever, and this is a really unnerving time for me.
It also brings me to those Schmucks who tried sailing the world…

Here is a rule to write down into your “sailing around the world” book: If you take your toddler on a sailing trip around the world, and the navy/coast guard has to rescue you, they get to take the kids away from you!

A child at the age of one year needs two things to thrive: a home (that is a PLACE not a cabin in a boat) and a steady social group (that is larger than parents and sibling).
That aside, kids do get sick very quickly, and quite often – stay in a one hour driving range of a doctor/pediatrician. Period!

So, unless you’re fleeing a war zone, an undesirable place or the mafia (you can try), or have made it out in the last second before a horrible disaster struck your home, or you are caught in the late 1800s – leave the kids at home ashore.

Just because you are a self absorbed, irresponsible, twit, too self important to reflect beyond personal ramifications, too shortsighted to think about your children and their needs – you’re taking them with you.
It’s people like that who make me wish there’d be a drivers license for parents, you need to pass with at least a C grade or better to get permission to breed.

Next time some of y’all want to take a sailing trip around the world, do it BEFORE you have any kids! If you die due to lack of intelligence, passive eugenics, or rather the evolutionary process, was in action, and the idiot genes do not get passed on. Let me put in another rule here for the sailors out there: leave the radio at shore too, you want to do it like they did it in the late 19th century? Leave the radio ashore!

I do hope the little kid gets/got better, as my own is improving his condition as I wrote these lines, but I also hope that the custody was/will be taken from the parents.

Take care,
A.