Posts tagged ‘car’

Prohibited

My city’s public transportation has issued a prohibition on food in the subway, after a series of complaints about the smell.

There are two things about this that piss me off.
1. That this rule has to be made. Not so long ago it had been common courtesy not to eat (smelly) foods in the subway (trams or busses). Now it needs to be enforced. But hey, it had also been courtesy once to let people get out of the car before going in, soooo…
2. People are reacting as if the public transportation company forbade them to eat PERIOD. There are people and outlets acting as if now commuters would have to starve to death! If your daily intake of calories depends on your commute, you’re in more serious trouble then a prohibition on food in the subway.
Now. Stuff that food away, clear the doors, enter, go.

Take care,

A.
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Vacationers…

Standing on our hotel balcony, I hear a sudden splashing noise.

I take a look.

This German (!) Couple just parked moments earlier, and I had assumed to check in.
No. At least not right away.

They transported their canoe on their car roof with the opening up (!), no cover, not upsidedown like anyone with common sense would. (Hey, Germans hike through the Alps in sandals and flip flops, so what am I expecting?)

Now, it seems, that the rain somewhere along their route, filled the canoe with water, so that they had to stop and empty it.

Does he empty it with a cup, or something like a cup/bucket?
No.
Are they taking it off of the car roof, to empty it out on the ground?
No.

He’s using a sponge.
A fucking sponge!
Reach in, soak up, take out, squish, splash, repeat.

I’m out.
This is nuts. This is exactly the type of person that hikes in near vertical mountains with Flipflops on. The kind of person that is aggravated that the ocean is actually saltwater. Someone who thinks sunscreen is for babies, and then turns red as a lobster.

Once the canoe was empty, or emptied out enough, they took it off of the car and checked into the adjacent hotel.

Take care,
A.

Advertising, again

Advertisers the world over celebrate the fact that I’m not in power of a world wide government.

Why?

Because I would outlaw advertising.

But that isn’t what irked me to do today’s post.

It was a cross promotion I was bothered with on YouTube lately.

A Star Wars Solo and Car cross promotion.

First off, if your goated to see that good awful movie because of this, all hope for you is lost. All hope for you lineage is lost.

Secondly, if you’re prompted to purchase that car because the advertising was affiliated with Star Wars… then get into that car, start the engine, find a nice steel reinforced concrete wall, and drive into it at top speed.

I know, the advertising sluts are banking on the cliche nerds in their mid thirties to early forties, who had to move out of their parents basement and now need/want a car. But they fail to realize that THOSE Star Wars nerds, HATE the new movies.

All in all it is a sign of failure.

You buy that ticket, you lose (money and time).

You buy that car, you lose (money and dignity).

You made this advert, you lost (dignity, money, trust, customers, time)

Really, I hope that everyone involved in this gets some repugnant skin disease that mutilates their faces for eternity.

Take care, and stop advertising, really.

A.

The wheels on the bus…

The other day in the bus:

I had just picked up my son from kindergarten, the bus had stopped at a red light and bus stop, the light turned green, we moved on, however, one car in the lane next to us honked at the driver in front of them to get moving, my son turns over in the direction of the honking car and yells for the entire bus to hear: “Stop with Tutu, or I’ll set you on fire!”

What is the correct parental response to this?

A high five?

Asking him where he picked THAT up?

Turning on Rammstein – Benzin?

I don’t know whether to be a proud dad, or to be worried. I don’t even know how to feel about this. There’s a delighted joy, there’s pride, but also worry and a bit of shame. (The people on the bus heard, they laughed, but surely also judged.)

FYI, I went with laughter, imagining a high five, and then asking him where he picked it up. He claimed he taught it to himself, that he’ll take a candle and burn the car…

Take care, A.

Empty bottles

Harkening back to the good ol’ parent-teacher conference, and the burning issue of the filling status of the waterbottle, I saw such an empty bottle today.
And her husband. And their three daughters.

But one thing at a time.

We went to the supermarket, just entering the parking lot, an Audi A6 stops dead in his tracks just in front of us, hindering us to reach a suitable spot to park our car.

Admitted, the place looked desolate, due to construction work being done on it, but a giant; HUUGE banner above the door told visitors in three simple words “Open despite Renovations” (in german “Offen trotz Umbau”), in all capital letters, the sign told from afar that they’re inindeed open.
So the car blocked us, and then the shotgun side opens, a woman – type: former UdSSR mail order bride, twenty years later – leaves. She walks up to the door, which is well lit, and people are in there. She enters, looks at the carts, at the register, at the people, then turns around and nods with a glad smile.
Now the car parks, now I see the driver. Type: guy who bought a broad from the former UdSSR twenty years ago.
I try to calm myself, maybe they both can’t read/speak german, despite their local registration plate. (It happens, more often than you think)
Oh, wait, they have HOW many girls between 6 and 8? Three? One of them ought to be able to read that three word sentence above the door…

Later I hear him talk at the regoster with the cashier. He is from around here. He is a native. His natove language IS the same as the sign/banner above the door. This is the kind of parent that asks about the bottle three times. The kind that writes down even the most mundane basic shit, and STILL gets everything wrong.

I saw an empty bottle today. Five of them in fact…

Life ain’t that hard, driving!

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Driving – if you’re not sitting in public transportation, writing away like I do, and you’re not one of the bicycle creeps, then you’re probably a driver.

And driving ain’t that hard to do:
1. Get in the car
2. Fasten the seat belt
3. Start ignition, start engine
4. Keep to the speed limits, on the correct side of the road
5. Get were you’re going
6. Stop engine, open seatbelt, leave car
7. Lock the doors

Trust me, maybe I don’t have a drivers license, but if you adhere to these simple steps, you too can avoid adding to the horrendous number of traffic related deaths.

But wait! There is more.
• TURNSIGNALS are not an invention of commnist-nazis
• “check your engine” lights are not decorative elements
• music for driving should neither be sleep-inducing, nor aggravating
• calling, texting, shaving, applying make up, sexual activity, drinking, eating, smoking – is all okay, as long as you’re stationary and not moving (mind local law)
• DUI (alcohol, weed, other drugs both legal and not) just don’t
• you’re on public roads, not the Nürnberg ring, act accordingly.

and of course the obligatory stuff:
• battery!
• check your tires (pressure, presence)
• mind the oil
• watch the fuel gauge (gas stations are your friend)
• on long drives, take rest (or turns)
• with cargo tie everything down as if a tornado came

As usual, don’t forget, take care,
A.

Two wheeled menace

I have had it with these crazy bicycles!

If Cyclists – and all you environmentally conscious people out there – want (them) to be taken as serious members of traffic we need to change a few things.

1.: Mandatory Driving License – as any motorist needs one, as any one on public transport needs a bus pass, these morons need one too. So they at least once have heard of traffic laws. No driving license, no bike.
2.: Mandatory helmet – if one is caught without one, the same “punishment” a car driver gets when driving wihtout a seatbelt. Period. Three strikes and the bike is pounded.
3.: Mandatory License Plates – Seriously. If these creeps mow down old hags and little kids, at least we can identify the vehicle that did it! And in most cases the owner of said bike will be the culprit. Fulfledged members of traffic need a license plate! But we can make these free in opposition to those on cars and motorbikes. Bike doesn’t have a license plate and is on the street – pounded.
4.: No more exceptions! – If I see one more “One Way” sign with the amendment “Except bicycles” I’ll plaster that with dogshit! And…
5.: …no more driving on the sidewalks! You wanted to be a full member of traffic, you use the road! Period! Violators should be givin a one month driving ban (including cars!), and the bike is confiscated for the duration of that time.
6.: No phoning, texting, riding it hands-free or drunk/DUI. Self explanatory I guess. Impoundment when violated.
7.: Mandatory service checks! Just as any car has to be checked if it is still road safe, the bikes need the same treatment. If it isn’t fit anymore, it needs to be either mended or discarded.
8.: Kids on bikes – No. Just no. Kids under the age of 12 can ride it in the company of their parents (or other guardian) on the road, or on designated bike lanes. Older, and they can have the driving license for the bike, and go out alone. But no more letting kids go out and play on their bike. These kids are more often than not monsters on two wheels and are a menace to others and themselves. (I was one once, trust me!) NO!

I am all for saving the environment.
Especially from CO2 emissions. But I’m also a huge fan of safety! But I can’t step outside my office without being run over by a crazy cyclist on the friggin sidewalk. I know not all of you un-motorised two wheeled folks out there are crazy lunatics that should only be allowed to drive in a padded underground tunnel where no one can get harmed. In fact, most of you are not.

But this is a safety measure that needs to be taken, a car or motorcycle needs a license plate, a “skilled” driver (yeah I know, but in theory they received training), checks and rules where driving it is allowed.

Bicycles need that too. It is crucial for road safety.
I have more ideas for road safety, but most of those are the insane ravings of a lunatic. Like: mandatory Dashcams for new cars, subsidies for installing such a system in your current car, so you can send footage of traffic violations (or other violations) to the police, since they can’t be everywhere. (In an insane plottwist, if the Police are the culprits, you too have the civic liberty/duty to document these incidents)
Or huge-ass subsidies for electric cars. Give people an insentive to buy one, and install waaaaay more charging stations throughout urban areas.
As I’ve said.
Maniacal ravings of a crazy man.

While I’m on the subject of bikes.

Stop it with the E-Bikes. They have the same speed a normal bike has, so it ain’t an electric motorbike. It’s crap for pseudo intellectual, environmentally stupid folk to jerk off their conscience concerning fitness and environment.
It’s crap. So stop it!

Take care, and drive safely,
A.