Posts tagged ‘card’

Life ain’t that hard: Get outta the line!


You know how some people make the checkout line in the grocery store a real nightmare?
No, not the lady with the dead eyes and three or more screaming spawns around her.
I’m talking about the douchebags who pay for EVERYTHING with their card.
“2.99 € Sir.”
“Card.” Cashier has to press extra buttons, wasting a solide second or two. Douche inserts card, waits, types pin, presses Ok, waits, bill is printed, take the card. (Not including those who insert the card the wrong way, mistype their pin, etc.)
Now compare that to this: “2. 99 € Sir.” Gives cashier money, gets change.
At what point did we say “Fuck cash, I want to pay with my card. Even if it is just 2.99!”? You’re still getting mugged, so shut up about your safety or security argument!

Then there are the “holders” in the checkout line.
Holy shit I despise these numbskulls! They come with a cart FILLED to the top with stuff, and do they work efficiently to put that shit on the conveyor belt and after scanning, back in their cart?
Because they have to hold their wallet!
These people approach the checkout line, take their wallet out from their bag (and it IS a bag) and THEN they start offloading with ONE hand.
Why only one?
Because they don’t have a normal wallet, which you could balance between index finger and thumb, leaving you with three free fingers. Oh no, not these twatfaces! They have a Waiter’s wallet! A bazillion coupon cards, old receipts, one or two bills, one kilogram of copper coins, 3 € in bigger coins and that bitch fills your hand, weighing a ton!
Cashier scans items, they load them back in their cart with one hand, or in a shopping bag, and only after they’re done transferring their goods, they look back at the cashier who wants to stab them repeatedly with a rust, blunt butterknife, becauses/he has been waiting for a solid minute, minute and a half. Cashier has to repeat: “That’ll be 299,99€.”
If you’re lucky the holder pays and leaves, FINALLY!
If you’re unlucky you’ll hear one, or all of these: “I have a coupon!” “I’m a member! *takes card out*” “Paying with my card. *takes out bankcard/creditcard*”

Don’t worry, as usual in these posts, I have a solution ready!
One for the card douchebags, it has ONLY a cardreader, no cash. If you only have cash, you’re the idiot and need to get out of the line!
One for the holders, with a HUUUUUGE cnveyor belt.
One for normal people. Cash, card only accepted starting with 50+€, if you hold your waiter-wallet while unloading and loading, the cashier and other customers have the right to either smack it out of your hand, and/or scream at you “GET OUTTA THE LINE!” on top oif their lungs.

There. Fixed (y)our shopping nightmare.

Easter 2014

The demon chocolates summoned in full force again!

Happy Easter (2014)


Sweet easterly dreams…

Happy Easter, pt4



and then we’ll eat it. 😉

Hapoy Easter, pt.3


Rabbits bring eggs. Why? Because frak you, that’s why.

No, real reason is that in spring, wild rabbits dare come closer to human settlements, and thus they “bring” eggs…who brings them in winter (satan claws) autumn (jack) and summer (melanoma jim) is unknown (except to me, and now you).

Happy Easter, pt2

Did you know that the symbols of the rabbit, the chick and the egg originated in various pre-Christian cultures, as FERTILITY symbols? They got shit to do with a zombie (Jesus)

Card 2 of 4:


Happy Easter!

Well, another festive occasion, another horrid nightmare.

A colleague gave away some small chocolate bars, the sweets were good, but the image on the wrapper…

Let’s just say, they have been given a new purpose as my Easter Greeting cards. Today is number 1 of 4: