Posts tagged ‘Chewbakka’

Crappy Birthday in November

Barf!

We’re in the money, come on my honey! Let’s lend it, spend it, send it rolling around!

May next month be with you!

 

In honor of next month’s release of Episode 7 let me present this desperate cash grab. Star Wars characters as HotWheels cars.

Yes, this is a real product, I took the photo myself.

In all seriousness, I’d rather get that sweet car on the right for 1,69 Euro, than the poor adaptions of Star Wars characters as HotWheels cars, with a Han Solo on the packaging that looks nothing like Han Solo in any time period. Not even a poorly adapted CGI Han looks this far off.

It baffles me why these even exist! NOTHING in Star Wars has wheels! NOTHING! Gears, yes (the Jawas), wheels? Nope. We ASSUME R2D2 is moving on wheels, but do we see them?
NOPE!

If you have a Star Wars Fan in your (extend) circle of friends, and want to piss him/her off to no extent, here you go. Give them HotWheels cars, that are supposed to be Star Wars Characters.

Crappy Birthday,
A.

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Star Wars, the force awakens

Okay, just a quick post.
First off, I’m writing this only today, as I wanted to finish an Episode of Rings of Fate yesterday.

Let’s get to the trailer now. First we see a dude who is obviously startled. “Frak! Those were the droids we were looking for.” Then an upgraded Pixar-Ball rolls through the desert telling us visually that this is now Diseny territory.
Next up we are given Space-Marines Stormtroopers. A woman on a speeder thingy, that is a bit difficult to get on to if you have no ladder, speeds off.
Followed by a few X-Wings over a lake. And now my favourite comes up.
A light sabre.
With a hilt.

Everybody craps their pants about this.
Why?
It’s a fictional weapon!
No one argued with the double edged light sabre in Episode 1!? In and off itself the light sabre is impractical, the hilt doesn’t make it less impractical, or more.
“It looks like a cross!” I hear offended Christians wine, and I say, let them. Did these fuckwits ever see a sword? If you are too narrow minded to realise that the original symbol for Christianity was a fish (much like this one: “<><“) and not a cross, you deserve to be ridiculed. “It’s a cross!” “No it’sa friggin ‘t’. Or a plus sign, or a sword. Now shut up.”

It’s teaming with energy, and violent in it’s shimmer. Good. I’ve had it up to here with the sterile plastic rod shaped light sabres of the past.
Aaand we see the Millennium Falkon. In some nauseating in flight action, set to the classic tune. Mouthwatering and Nerdgasmic.

What more can you ask from a trailer?
The answer: The STARS!
Not necessarily the stars of outter space, but what happened to Luke, Leia and Han? R2D2, C3PO and Chewbakka?
They’re there, I suppose. Somewhere. Behind a dune, or on the lakeshore, on the other side of the dark forest. In the Falkon.

However. The Trailer is great, and the discussion of the lightsaber is moot. A fantasy weapon is and stays a fantasy weapon. “Normal swords didn’t have blades on the hilt!”
A.) Search around long enough, you’ll find one. I guarantee it.
B.) What in the Star Wars universe is powerful enough to deflect a lightsaber? Answer: A Lightsabre. Therefore the hilt is of the same “material” as the “blade”. There fixed it, and the reconstruction is pointless, can a lightsabre blade go THROUGH another lightsabre blade? Nope! Hence the angular hilt is as useless as boobs on a fish.
This is the way it functions, not tilted, or any other way.

There, with a little Nerdlogic I fixed that for you.

Now my fellow nerds, go forth and enjoy the time until December 2015.

May the force be with you!
A.