Posts tagged ‘coffee’

We’re Adults, aren’t we?

“Listening for prolonged times at high volumes, may cause ear damage!”
NO SHIT, SHERLOCK!?

My Android devices keep patronising me when I want to turn up the volume. The setting gets saved, but after a reboot, it’s back to pestering me!

We are fracking adults, I’m an adult! STOP TREATING ME LIKE A CHILD!

Your common sense dictates, you won’t cross the street without checking for traffic first. This is taught to children, we don’t need to be reminded everytime we’re about to cross a road as an adult.
It’s the same with all the rest.

There isn’t a warning on my stove telling me that touching the plates will burn me. There aren’t planes flying around on sunny days with banners “Don’t look into the sun, it may cause blindness!”

“Don’t text and drive” – this is common sense, stop reminding us.
“Coffee is hot!” – Really? I mean, REALLY???

I know that allegedly some old hag in the US sued McDonalds because she spilled hot coffee in her lap and burned herself. Instead of ruling in her favor the judge should’ve looked her in the eye and told her she can either drop the case and get away with attempted fraud, or if she doesn’t, she will get a legal guardian and put in a care facility for grown people with the mental abilities of a small child!

People who sue companies for NOT warning from obvious shit, your common sense should warn you from, they all need a guardian, and treatment in a care facility.
And to be on the safe side, for the duration of their stay, give them contraception (pill for women, stevia for men) so these cretins won’t procreate and drop babies on their heads because there wasn’t a warning…

So, again, TREAT US LIKE ADULTS! For frak’s sake…

Caffeine (comedy)

One of these days I’m gonna drop dead.

I’ll just stop breathing, and tumble over.

They will discover then that I have no more blood in my system, but pure undiluted caffeine!
Curious how I survived to the point of my death they’re gonna start an autopsy, just when placing the scalpel for the first incision I’ll wake up, screaming!
They’ll ask “How do you live?” to which I’ll reply “What do you mean ‘How do I live?’ I just DO! How DO YOU live??”
“You ain’t got no blood, only caffeine pumping through your veins!”
“Then why do feel tired all the time?” even more curious they’ll want to cut me open anyway, to which I’ll say “You can’t! You fracking can’t! There is no sufficient caffeine transfusion to keep me alive and you Frackers swore an oath to protect life!” then I’ll hook up a can of RedBull to my veins and run off.

‘Cause you see, sleep is a commodity that many can’t afford these days.
Myself very well included.

Ask doctors, and they’ll tell you that eight hours a night is healthy, and just what you should get.
Frak you!
If I want eight hours of sleep I’d need to go to bed at 9pm! But there’s too much left to do at 9pm!

First of all my baby needs feeding, bathing, change of diapers. Then my wife needs (my) time too, something she sadly doesn’t get enough of as of late. Don’t forget – watering the plants, wlaking the dog, dishes, laundry, and tidying up a little.
Go to bed at 9 pm and you’ll vomit in your pyjamas the next morning when you see the mess in the kitchen.

So, no. No sleep at 9pm, bugger off. In the meanwhile I’ll keep substituting sleep with coffee transforming myself slowly but steadily from a “Homo Sapiens Sapiens” into a “Homo Sapiens Caffeinis” – something like a zombie, only aware and only harmful to coffee and energy drinks…Who needs oygen when you have sugar? Who needs nutrients when you’ve got caffeine? ;Þ