Posts tagged ‘comedy’

Vacationers…

Standing on our hotel balcony, I hear a sudden splashing noise.

I take a look.

This German (!) Couple just parked moments earlier, and I had assumed to check in.
No. At least not right away.

They transported their canoe on their car roof with the opening up (!), no cover, not upsidedown like anyone with common sense would. (Hey, Germans hike through the Alps in sandals and flip flops, so what am I expecting?)

Now, it seems, that the rain somewhere along their route, filled the canoe with water, so that they had to stop and empty it.

Does he empty it with a cup, or something like a cup/bucket?
No.
Are they taking it off of the car roof, to empty it out on the ground?
No.

He’s using a sponge.
A fucking sponge!
Reach in, soak up, take out, squish, splash, repeat.

I’m out.
This is nuts. This is exactly the type of person that hikes in near vertical mountains with Flipflops on. The kind of person that is aggravated that the ocean is actually saltwater. Someone who thinks sunscreen is for babies, and then turns red as a lobster.

Once the canoe was empty, or emptied out enough, they took it off of the car and checked into the adjacent hotel.

Take care,
A.

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Vacation post…

Currently we’re on vacation in Italy, Bibione to be precise.

Weather is awkward (more rain in two nights then in an average July, while nice and hot ask day long), food is really great (which I will pay penance for during workout once back at home), but the most amazing thing is the headwaiter

If you’re not an all inclusive vacationer, he treats you like a second class citizen. He’s ALWAYS there, no off day. And he’s a little … not clumsy per say, but comedically forgetful and preoccupied.

We told him our room number, so he could find our table.

Which he forgot during the conversation.
Twice.
Then he asked again, with the wrong room number, for confirmation of the beverage order. He seems always preoccupied, as if he was from a Louis des Funnes film, a caricature of a headwaiter.

But he’s real.

Hope you’re having a great time, take care, A.

Windows 10. Phone issues.

I have the misfortune of having to work with Windows 10 at the office now.

It looks neat I gotta say, but what is it like working with it?

Like you’re driving a horse drawn, silk saddled carriage that has the break constantly drawn, through a stoney desert.

It looks good, but boy is it a shitty and bumpy ride.

In other news, my Asus Zenfone Max Z010d hit the bucket. First the wifi wouldn’t connect. Ever. Then it was stuck in a bootloop.

Several attempts of lay (and lame) hacking/flashing it later, I got it briefly up to running again. I had to finish my setup. Language selection, okay. Keyboard layout, okay. Do you want to use SIM and Wifi, or just Wifi? Obviously, both.

Reboot into the bootloop.

It won’t let me replace the bootloader, or the operating system. So far. I will either completely brick it, or crack it like an egg:

Here it is held at gunpoint.

So. Technical issues aside, everything’s peachy. Gotta go now, today’s my kid’s birthday.

Take care, A.

PS, yes, last week’s app idea was inspired by the expanse. 😉

App Idea “da Aqua!”

“As a modern male of the western world I often struggle to stay hydrated in my daily routine. But now there’s an APP for that!”

Actually I wouldn’t be surprised if this really came out a few days from now, as we live in a day and age where the simple most mundane things in life are treated as these Tasks that take up too much thinking capacity, so we need an APP to save our asses from our own selves.
Take care, and stay hydrated,
A.

Hallelujah!?

I hereby advance DARWIN to godhood. A truly modern religion, befitting of the 21st century, for at the foundation lies evolution and natural selection:
There’ll be no prayers, no songs, no gatherings, no special hats or clothes, no churches/synagogues/mosques/temples.

Just, human sacrifice.
Passive, human sacrifice.

Take off ALL the warning labels, stop these sorts of warnings – if people wanna roast marshmallows over an active volcano, if they want to toast bread in the hot tub, if they want to jump out the 17th floor to see if the superman costume let’s them fly:

Let them!

We shall NOT mourn the loss of their lives, the loss of their genes in the genepool, because our GOD, the divine and eternal DARWIN, has culled another sacrificial lamb, to advance the species through natural selection.

AMEN!

Put on some clothes!

I’ve be been hiking through the woods round my hometown with my kid lately. We’ve met a few people doing so.

First to mention is Pia, a girl a year younger than my son, whom he claims he loves. She’s blond, like the other girls he’s fallen for so far.

A couple of people with dogs, which reminded us both that we miss having a dog.

Most recently a pair of elderly ladies, who were really nice people, it saddens me that they’re elderly, because they’re so nice and that means in the not too distant future they’ll die, and make place for ASSHOLES.

Which brings me to the last group we encountered: assholes.

First off, the bicycle creeps.

Guys (and it is almost exclusively GUYS) riding their bikes at, what I can only describe as, terminal velocities, down WINDING HIKING paths, full of people, children, and dogs.

I hope they all have accidents that involve them falling in a way onto their wheels, crotch first, ridding the world of their genes.

Secondly, shirtless men.

These fuckers come, generally, in two flavours: chicken breasts, and bears.

No well defined Adonis, not a young Schwarzenegger. No.

Young dudes without muscles, or hair – sometimes badly plucked chickens, guys with some patchy hair – strut through the woods, dripping sweat like a pathetic miniature raincloud on legs, bearing an expression as if they, these human mole rats, were the new definition of manhood and manliness. Fucking incels.

The bear type is either fat, or hides a chicken breast beneath some fur, but is otherwise EXACTLY like the mole rat. Hideous and sweat dispensing.

You may not like to think of sweat, and much rather pretend that it waters the woods, but if it runs off of your body, it’s useless. If some clothing catches it, and it evaporates from there, that’s what cooles you down.

You may think you’re manly, but you are a disgustingly looking piece of shit – mole rat or bear – that reeks of desperation and, coincidentally, SWEAT.

Put on some fucking clothes you repulsive sack of body odour liquids.

I outlined to you a practical reason why – the disgusting, and unhygienic, sweat dispersal aside – its unpleasant.

YOU ARE UNPLEASANT.

To look at.

Your backpack is dripping wet, so you shifted the sweat problem from a piece of clothing to a piece of luggage, and you’re not an Adonis!

I’m not some prude who dislikes naked bodies, sense of place. Semi nudist in public, isn’t decent. It isn’t esthetic.

Stop it.

Go to the beach if you want a tan. Put on some fucking clothes when you want to hike. Or shop. Or eat.

Take care,

A.

Weather warning!

A warning for extreme high temperature is in effect today.

It’s barely 30C (86F).

That ain’t EXTREME. It’s moderately high.

Climate change is real, but this is alarmist bullshit. Cut it out.

Take care, A.