Posts tagged ‘cooking’

Crappy Easter 2017 

Holy snotballs!

If you know a baking aficionado whom you hate, and want them to feel sick to their stomach everytine they bake, here’s the gift idea of your liking.

The pig regurgitates the yolk (out of its nose mind you).

Turn the passion of someone into a phobia. You’re welcome, have a Crappy Easter. (Just the one this year, sorry)

A.

Advertisements

Life IS that hard, cooking

Making Spaghetti. Starting with the sauce, onions are chopped to tiny bits, and put into the pot with the hot oil.
Letting them roast for juuust a tiny bit, then adding the minced meat.
Smell is already mouthwatering!

Wife yells from the adjacent living room: “Don’t forget the garlic!”
We have garlic. Lots of it. Peeled and put in the deep freezer. I turn off the stove, put the pot aside and get two cloves out, look for the garlic press – the one you put the cloves in, press minced garlic out by sheer muscle strength – and start pressing them into the minced meat and onions mass.
CLANG! The mesh on the other side of the press explodes into four pieces of shrapnel, three of which disappeared in the mass of the pot, the last hanging on to dear life on the press….

No spaghetti sauce, no spaghetti.
Take out it is then.

Have a nice weekend.
A.

Life ain’t that hard: cooking!

image

If frozen food has as instructions only comprising of the words “cook until done”, or better yet,  the package of your frozen spaghetti says “Serving suggestion: thaw”, just follow these easy steps:

1 – pour contents from box/bag/package into/onto pan/pot/baking tray.
2 – put on/in/above plate/stove/oven/flame/fusionreactor/whathaveyou.
3 – if necessary/possible stir occasionally until thawed.
4 – stir more frequently once thawed.
5  – if it smells done, give it a few more minutes,
6 – then try a bite
7 – if necessary repeat waiting-trying.
8 – and you’re done.

Print this out if you want, and stick it to your kitchen counter for future reference. But always keep in mind, this comes from a guy who managed to burn soup…

Hail the Cook?

Never, ever, try on a Monday to find a restaurant in Groß Enzersdorf that is open.

Two were closed all together, one had closed a quarter an hour before we arrived, and the last one was an Italian “ristorante”…well, the table was sticky, the waitress was unfriendly, and the non-smokers section was so badly lit I suspect they didn’t want anyone sitting there. First thing they told us when we arrived “You can’t have anything but Pizza.” – we should have let that be a warning and leave.

Right there, right then.

Suffice it to say, we didn’t. Stupid us.

Let me put it that way: This Pizza gives me so much gas, the USA are investigating me for weapons of mass destruction!

It tasted like, well, nothing.
A simple Salami Pizza with extra garlic.
How difficult is it to get this thing to taste like SOMETHING!?

Apparently very: a hint of garlic where the patches of garlic where piled together, and between me and my wife, I was the lucky one: I had a small path of oregano strewn around in the centre of my pizza.
Except it didn’t taste as intense as I had hoped.
Or as intense as it should.

So if you’re ever in Austria, in Vienna, on a Monday and you think to yourself “I want to eat in that village just north of it, Groß Enzersdorf!” Don’t….

A.