Posts tagged ‘crap’

NYE 2017/2018

Party animal, alright. 

Ever wanted to see a bull or a moose regurgitate wine, or champagne, or vinegar, or oil, or sauce from a bottle? Here you go! 

Whoever needed these was a sick person who needs counseling rather than be allowed corporate decisions.

I hope your new year turns out to be the worst ever if this is how you decide to celebrate it.

Crappy new year.

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Senility?

Who is this for?
Alzheimer’s patients on Facebook? People with bad memory?
Has senility become widespread among the Facebook community??

Not even people with attention deficit disorder need a fucking reminder of LAST MONTH!

I got this literally on the first of December, I can’t POSSIBLY be nostalgic about LAST MONTH!
Which ended THE DAY BEFORE!

Come back in a year or ten. Or never.

Morons.

Take care,
A.

Election Day 

Today is election day.
No shit, Sherlock! It isn’t as if I had been looking forward to seeing an end of all these talks, interviews and all the other campaign bullshit. It isn’t as if I’m singing “Their smiling faces, give me diarrhea” in my head, everytime I see one of these mutant grimaces flashing their teeth at me…

Someone please tell those 2,948 people that they’re morons! Oooh you did a grown up thing? Bravo!
You want a hug? A participation ribbon? A trophy? Some candy?
Fuck you!
What’s next? “I drove to work.” Give that person a medal! “I brushed my teeth!” I sense a Nobel prize winner here…

You’re supposed to vote! That is what a responsible adult living in a democracy does. All this passive aggressive “I voted” crap is empty vapid ego jerking, for the votee to feel superior. To whom?
Non voters. Guess how much of a flying fuck they give about the “I voted” bunch.
Exactly. So….
Fuck. Off.

See election info?
SEE ELECTION INFO???
If you’re eligible to vote, and you need to be educated on HOW, WHERE, WHY, and WHAT concerning this current election, ON ELECTION DAY – do us all a solid, and do not vote.
You imbecilic cunts are the reason this system is broken. For you, there should be a non-participation ribbon/trophy “To dumb to vote, so I didn’t.”

All in all, Facebook, bugger off. Leave politics alone.
Users create and discuss and participate in politics, but you ought to be neutral and STFU.

Take care.

PS: I voted. Give me validation!

[This was written on 15th October 2017.]

Crappy Birthday in September 

Quite literally. 

For the city dwellers who can’t get enough of that sweet, sweet guano producing fowl that is ever omnipresent in urban areas the world over. 

Pigeons. 

Fathered crap bags. Cast in stone…or clay. 

“It reminded me of you.” Normally this can be a quite romantic line, but with this, you can tell a yuppie what you think of them. Urban crap bag. Ucrab. 

Crappy Birthday! A.

Crappy Birthday in August 2017

Got that detestable garbage human Hipster scum in your circle of acquaintances?

Their birthday is coming up?

PERFECT!

These revolting socks are the perfect gift, for a perfect asshole. They will surely like it, because it is before they are cool, because they’ll never be cool. And these socks a shining (or screamingly loud) warning beacon. 

Warn others. Gift these socks.

Crappy Birthday.
A.

Crappy Birthday in July

Imagine the “majestic” flamingo, perched on a pedestal of guano, one foot dangling to the ground. 


That wonderful hideousness can be yours to drive relatives and acquaintances over the edge for the lo lo price of 2.95€. Cheese factor is over 9000.

Crappy Birthday, A.

Crappy Birthday in June

Know a smoker? Hate the living crap out of that fucker? Want to gift him/her with the worst curse from Pandora’s box – false hope?


Lucky you! 

This cigarette case, with the hopeful message of survival, whilst containing suicide in small doses, is the perfect gift for this occasion. 
Crappy birthday,

A.