Posts tagged ‘crappy’

Crappy Birthday in July

Imagine the “majestic” flamingo, perched on a pedestal of guano, one foot dangling to the ground. 


That wonderful hideousness can be yours to drive relatives and acquaintances over the edge for the lo lo price of 2.95€. Cheese factor is over 9000.

Crappy Birthday, A.

Crappy Birthday in June

Know a smoker? Hate the living crap out of that fucker? Want to gift him/her with the worst curse from Pandora’s box – false hope?


Lucky you! 

This cigarette case, with the hopeful message of survival, whilst containing suicide in small doses, is the perfect gift for this occasion. 
Crappy birthday,

A.

Crappy Easter 1/4

It is that yime of the year again, the one where the highest Christian holiday is taking place!

Yes, you read that right. This one is the highest Christian holiday, not that disturbing massdelusion of consumerism in December (for which I still need to make an index).

Anyhow, let us celebrate today’s alleged crucifixion of Jesus Christ, by carrying around colored eggs in this abominable paper trashbag

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In all honesty, the transfixed stare this bag sports, paired with the small, but definitely recognisable smirk is more the stuff of nightmares, than glee and joy. Better keep it away from the kids, unless your little snowflakes from hell are already psychologically disturbed little demon spawns…

Crappy Birthday in November

Barf!

We’re in the money, come on my honey! Let’s lend it, spend it, send it rolling around!

May next month be with you!

 

In honor of next month’s release of Episode 7 let me present this desperate cash grab. Star Wars characters as HotWheels cars.

Yes, this is a real product, I took the photo myself.

In all seriousness, I’d rather get that sweet car on the right for 1,69 Euro, than the poor adaptions of Star Wars characters as HotWheels cars, with a Han Solo on the packaging that looks nothing like Han Solo in any time period. Not even a poorly adapted CGI Han looks this far off.

It baffles me why these even exist! NOTHING in Star Wars has wheels! NOTHING! Gears, yes (the Jawas), wheels? Nope. We ASSUME R2D2 is moving on wheels, but do we see them?
NOPE!

If you have a Star Wars Fan in your (extend) circle of friends, and want to piss him/her off to no extent, here you go. Give them HotWheels cars, that are supposed to be Star Wars Characters.

Crappy Birthday,
A.

Crappy Birthday in August

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If you are an adult, or old enough to conduct business, and you find yourself willing to spend almost 300 bucks on a piece of log – don’t. Find yourself some friends who will beat you with rolls of fifties, in case you’re ever tempted again.

Seriously.
A piece of a log! The audacity of these people!
Other than cutting it into pieces, stripping it of its bark and putting some finish on it – there was no work involved. It didn’t go through the hands of a skilled craftsman, a master of his class, who laboured away for countless days and weeks, until a masterpiece was created, warranting the price.
No.
The acacia grew all by itself, just to end up as a stool, that isn’t even outdoor useable.

Think about this again with me:
299.99 euro for a more or less untreated piece of lumber, the most natural resource you can get. And you can’t put it into outdoor use! A piece of a friggin tree!
How much more outdoor can you get? But the finished product – nope!

Twenty years ago, 1995, if someone would’ve had the audacity of trying to sell pieces of lumber like that, for prieces like this – we would’ve beaten him to death with the piece of lumber…

Anyway. This is my birthmonth, this is my gift.
Crappy Birthday, people! πŸ˜‰