Posts tagged ‘decency’

Life ain’t that hard, Social Media

If you’re a lowlife cretin who should be bludgeoned to death with a balloon animal for the following, or parts of it:

-Posting quarter hourly updates on yourself, or
-Reposting loud images (with often incorrect shite in them) from all over the place,
-Interspersed with invites to some shitty games that no one cares for and everyone wants to cut your hands off for playing
-Liking a crapzillion of pages, and thus spreading their filth
-Logging in at every corner you visit

then fret not, for it is simple, thou shalt follow these basic decency & behavior commandments for social media:

1. Logeth in and checketh out.
This means, read other people’s posts first, before boldy blaring out your status, which no one really cares for. 

2. Thou may engage in reactions.
If you want to, you can react to someone else’s post(s). That is the social part of social media. You are not the star, just another schmuck, those are not your fans, but, supposedly, your friends. Interact, mingle, comment.

3. Thou mayeth post.
Post one, maybe two, status updates per day. TOPS! Only in emergency situations (f.e. toppling an oppressive government) is it okay to forgo this limit.

4. Thou shalt not RePost!
Just, don’t. Unless it is really important (really occuring revolutions, missing people, rabid bears or pedophiles, etc.)

5. Enough pictures.
Enough babies, enough cats, enough boobs and asses. Go to a special interest group/site if you want to see or share this, but the general public doesn’t care for any of that.

6. Moar of ye olde Pictures!
If you’re too young to remember boring slideshows of other people’s holidays, ask your parents, or grandparents how frigging boring that was. Want to share your holiday experience? One to Five pictures which highlight the best of it, will do, if someone is genuinely interested in more, they’ll ask. (Ahahahaha!!!)

7. Enough with the liketh!
Not everything you encounter in life needs a like online!
Bands, artists, celebrities, etc. Yes.
Brands, products, politicians, websites, etc. No!

8. Playeth with thineself.
No one cares for your geese or your jewels or your candy – if anything we’d like to see you buried under a mountain of that stuff. Keep it to yourself!

9. Logeth out.
Yes, the dreaded end of one’s participation in social idiocy.
Listen, don’t stay online for hours and hours more, having the media site track your every movement out there. Don’t be the intelectually malnutritioned fool, that is taking all their knowledge from the lopsided soup that is your prefered newsfeed. Controversy, disagreeing opinions those are NURTURING the mind, sharpening it. LOG OUT!

And the grand finale!
10. Thou shalt not reveal thine location!
Stop giving away your location! Just, no! We don’t care where you are, nor should you care where the others are. If they’re near you, but won’t see you, guess what? They don’t like you! Stop checking in from the pub at the corner of my block. Get lost creep.

It is a little extensive, so here’s the print out version:

1. Logeth in and checketh out.
2. Thou may engage in reactions.
3. Thou mayeth postonce or twice daily.
4. Thous shalt not RePost!
5. Enough pictures
6. Moar of ye olde Pictures!
7. Enough with the liketh!
8. Playeth with thineself.
9. Logeth out.
10. Thou shalt not reveal thine location!

Glue it next to your screen, make it your phone’s lock screen – what ever it takes for you to stop this crap!

Get your silly acts together, stop making social media asocial places, that are more a sewer than a place of interaction.

As always, take care,

Life ain’t that hard: Vacationing

It really is simple:
1. Pack your shit (underwear, pants, shirt, socks, hygiene products)
2. Board a Car/Bus/Train/Boat/Plane and go to your destination.
3. Relax. Maybe have some fun.

Of course you need to pack accordingly, if you’re going someplace shittycold like “I’m going skiing in the swiss alps!” you need warm stuff. If you’re going someplace nice like the Caribbean, pack your beach attire.

Of course, basic decency rules have to be observed. For example, a beach holiday with binge drinking and lots of (teenage) sex, is, once you have crossed the 25 year old threshold, creepy, desperate, pitiful.
If you ask me, and that’s why you’re here, it is always pitiful and desperate, once older than 25 the creepy adjective just pops up out of nowhere along with one or two or three or four VDs.

A city trip across Europe is a neat thing, but I have to caution you, this is only for the pseudo [insert adjective here]. Yes. Only for pseudos. Of any kind.
If you are truly interested in culture, you spend WEEKS at one location at a time, and next year you come back to the next stop on your planned route. Going through five cities in two weeks, is a pseudo cultural excuse to get drunk and sleep around. Again, past a certain maturity age (~25), creepy, desperate, pitiful and pseudo.

If your destination includes anything that could even remotely be called an animator – kill yourself.
Do it in the travel agency’s office, splatter blood all over the place, or do it ISIS style.
Who ever came up with the idea for an animator (not the kind making animated films, butnthe kind that is supposed to animate YOU) should be dragged a hundred meters through broken glass on incandescent coal at five cm/hour.
Finally you have time away from schedules, and calls, and colleagues dropping in on you, a boss demanding shit, customers yanking your chain – just to have to some underpaid, overenthusiastic asshat tell you what to do to have some fun?
Sure, it is not (always) mandatory – neither is the chat with Susan from accounting – but it is annoying, and you are paying to have this shitstain there…
So…Kill yourself!

If you are going to a spa, bring one thing above all – a good book. Not war and peace, where after five chapters you feel as if you just came out of a coma, because you have no idea what happened in those fove chapters. A good book. Something you can read and dive into. Sure, the massages and whirlpool and sauna and pool are places you won’t need it per se, but there are long stretches where you’ll need it. Unless you want to catch up on sleep.

At the end, if you are an allergic – don’t go on vacations on farms. Unless you have plenty of antihistamines in your pockets.
Your body weight in antihistamines to be precise.
Which is what I will be doing.
I am on vacation next week, family vacation on a farm…any Darth Vader impersonations of mine might end up here 😉

Have fun, A.

Sex ed

I had to cross paths of a school recently, and a bunch of teenage girls entered the tram as I left it, and I happened to see how they looked like…

When I was a wee 14 year old boy, you know what we had? Wee 14 year old girls!
What do wee 14 year old boys have now? WHORES! Seriously, these girls dress in ways that put professional workers to shame, faces covered in more makeup than a tranny parade!
One question: Where were these girls when I was fourteen?

But this brings me to my next topic, two (relatively attractive) female teachers (33 & 23) allegdy had a threesome with their 16 year old male student.

Another question: Where were they when I was 16?

Seriously, I doubt he’s scarred for life, a threesome with two women is EVERYTHING a 16 year old heterosexual guy dreams about!
Is it wrong to abuse the teacher-student relationship this way? Yes.
Should they be banned from classrooms? Definitely.
But other than that? Let it go.
(However, if you consider this seriously wrong, ask yourself this: Are there any things out there that could provoke such behaviour? Think long and hard. And come to this conclusion. Why the double standard? I highly doubt that a 16 yo girl dreams of having sex with two men, one being twice her age. Some, maybe, most, nope. 16 yo boys? Yup. They do. Trust me, I once was a 16 yo boy. They do. There is close to no distinction for a 16 yo teen boy between a 16 yo girl and a 33 yo woman: “Tits? Check. Pussy? Check. Hot? Check. Let’s go!” There is no ticking box for age. Period.)

But this topic of the “horribly mentally scarred teen” brings me to a story I read some years ago in the DailyMail (yeah, I know). Back then one 16 year old guy was suing (and his formerly best friend being a witness) a then 47 year old woman, because when he and his mate were somewhere between 11 and 13 (I forgot), she offered them sex for demolating her exBF’s car.
They did so, and when it came time to pay, she had sex with them (seperately), but the first guy (the one suing) had a change of conscience.
He didn’t pull it through, and left before finishing (as if that would be lifting him from the guilt), just as his mate went in and proceeded to frak her.
Now he is allegedly horribly emotionally scarred.
Really? That is the tipping point?
Here’s the deal kiddo, review your life. All of it up to the point where a woman in her early fourties approaches you and says “Lay havoc on my ex Boyfriends car, and I’ll let you frak me”.
For ANY woman of ANY age to actively approach you with such a proposal, you have to have had a reputation. THAT is what’s wrong with you, everything you did up to that point in time. Not the incident with her riding you, but everything that led you there.

Speaking of wrong decisions, there is the “Bee Challenge” going on right now:
Women/Girls get naked (bewbs wise), put the bra over their face to have “insect eyes” and post a topless-bra-face-selfie on the net. It is a pointless trend, there is no deeper meaning behind it, like with the Icebucket challenge. I’m as much of a bewbs fan just as most hetero sexual men are, but this is getting crazy. If it would be for a noble cause (Breastcancer for example), I’d shut up. But it isn’t.

The obvious boner killing insect eye look aside, a bunch of attention-whores are fishing for even more attention and recognition by prostating themselves.
Why? Don’t you have ANY personality? Is this ALL you have to offer? What a bonerkill.

Once those facebook based (and thus traceable), public topless-insecteye-bra-face-selfies are published, what kind of backlash will that have on your carreer choices later in life? Other than a trip or two to the casting couch – I see little opportunity here.

But I sense another opportunity for solving our current time’s prolems: Nominate all these young actresses who are under the threat of having their pictures stolen for the Bee-Challenge, that way we have seen their “BOOBEES!” and everyone can live in peace!

In conclusion, there is something going wrong in terms of sexuality within our societies. On the one hand our prude cultures ban breasts and genitals from TV, references to acts of sexuality from songs (“No I’m lying in the [wet patch] and…” the one in the additional brackets is censored out), but on the other hand women in advertising are as scantly dressed like 14 year old girls, or, worse than street working prostitutes.

We need to come to our senses.
Sex is natural, interest in the opposite gender is natural, especially for puberty striken teens. Banning sex from TV, and restricting access to porn for minors isn’t the solution (“You must be 18 or over…” they already saw EVERYTHING, they touched it too! So drop that attitude!).

Sex ed has to be taken seriously, not something shunned as “teaching kids to have sex”. They know how to, it’s in our genes.
We need to teach them how to do it without harm, with decency, and not in public (need I remind you of the couple happily doing it in the subway and being filmed by several cellphone cameras?). Sex is not something you do on camera (unless you ARE 18 or older and you ARE filming a porno), and it is something you keep your mouth shut about.
Not to keep your teachers from getting in trouble, but for not making someone seem like a tramp/whore or whimp.
Girls, dress like girls, not whores. “XYZ’s next Top Model” is not supposed to be your rolemodel. Nor are any of the whores on TV. If you are 14, be a kid. Not a sex object. Guys are idiots to you more often than not, and if you really are in a consensual sexual relationship with one of them, talk to THEM, not your girls, not your parents.
Boys, girls are not objects, women aren’t either.  Treat them with respect, and don’t blabber about your sexual “conquests”. Act like boys, you are, after all, boys. The douche’s on TV aren’t your rolemodels, and you should become gentlemen, not douchebags. But first, be boys.

Decent, civilised, behaviour. Especially with one another.
Go forth and be happy.