Posts tagged ‘defecate’

Life ain’t that hard, Escalate and Elevate

It is simple, both devices take you from one floor to another. And for both you don’t need a PhD in theoretical physics.

Look, it’s simple:
★ Escalators, are basically stairs that go up, or go down:
•stand on the right
•walk on the left
•don’t sit on the handrail and don’t be surprised to plummet to your death if you do
•tie your Shoelaces beforehand, or else they may get caught in the thing
•don’t “run” in the opposite direction staying stationary
•watch your step upon stepping on and off the thing
•no pram, bike, wheelchair, dog or unicorn on this

★Elevators, these cabins of death move vertically, not yet in the horizontal plane, or diagonally, it is bets to sing “Oh lord, what is I gon’ do?” upon entry, and keep these in mind:
•I can’t stress the importance of doors.
•press button of desired target floor
•don’t: fart, defecate, urinate, spit, litter, fuck, vomit…eat, drink…deal with or consume drugs, murder people or animals, make or play music, apply deodorant/perfume/cologne…or worst of all: converse.
•upon exit, don’t press (all) other floor buttons
•someone approaches the elevator, hold the door open, don’t close it on them (or let it happen)
•no silly creepypasta games. Ever.
•it is not funny to press the emergency button
•in case the elevator gets stuck, press the emergency button, and remain calm, take long breaths
•IN CASE OF FIRE THE SHAFT ACTS LIKE A CHIMNEY, so DON’T use it…
•if it has one, do not press the STOP button

Now that this is cleared up, we can take the stairs…
•don’t put flowers on them, buy a shelf you cheap frak
•don’t sit there like homeless people, get a couch you cum stain…

Take care,
A.

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Passive aggressive Kitty

Someome, somewhere, harbours a hatred for Hello Kitty with a ferocity of a pschotic maniac, yet the restraints of intellect like any civilised person.

That person obviously is in charge of handling the licensing of Hello Kitty products.

How do I know? Well, some time ago I stumbled upon this item here.
image

Hello Kitty Babypowder scented kitty litter, although Hello Kitty isn’t a cat, someone gave the license away so real felines can defecate in it.

Odd, slightly annoying and certainly not for real cats, despite the claims on the box.
But at that point in time, okay.

Then I came upon this.
image

Hello Kitty toilet paper.

So real people could wipe the remains of feces away with it.

The passive aggressive hatred towards Hello Kitty that is displayed with these two products (especially in combination), speaks volumes after volumes.

My question is, who on this earth (or in that company) is dumb enough to let the one individual on the planet that hates Hello Kitty that much, handle the licensing?
Whats next?
Hello Kitty – Laxatives?
Hello Kitty – Portable Toilets?
Hello Kitty – Nuclear Missiles?

In any case, I’m looking forward to more of these insane products. Keep your eyes open for the Crappy Birthdays.

Take care,
A.