Posts tagged ‘dog’

Irregular post! 22 July 2015

I haven’t done one of these in some time.

Or at least it feels like that.

As you know, I have been on vacation.

Beautiful Styria!
Ancient, long dead volcanoes, wine country, and hellish heat!
In the middle of the heat wave, we were out there. One would think forests, hills and mountains would provide for fresh and cool air – NOPE!
It was suffocating.
For a few days our son had a fever and diarrhea, making the trips shorter and fewer.

In the times between touristy trips I had hoped to get a bit of “work” done. You know – children stories, comedic bits, Christmas calendar pieces, editorial on RoF, reading…
Again, NOPE!
Once the little one was sound asleep – I was as well.

Well, a week after we had come back from Styria, real tragedy struck: Our beloved dog had to be put down. 😥
Hurts really deep.

image

Good night cutie.

Currently writing on episode 67, of (currently) planned 70. I write an episode a week.
Do the math.
Once I am done writing, editorial starts. In January I intend to start posting Rings of Fate, so Editorial needs to be swift…and thorough.

Hope to find the time to compile a review post of some(or one) of our trips.
Take care,
A.

12. Dec. 2014

12If you have one of these overly philosophical people in your life that quote shit from facebook and think that the romance in Episode II was deep, who have a wall tattoo in their bedroom “Don’t dream your life, live your dreams!” then this is the perfect gift for them.

YOU’RE SO DEEP I CAN’T EVEN SEE YOU ANYMORE!

A pottery dog-end for your garden, not even anatomically correct (anus). For the really deep thoughts of the Yule season “Why do we drag a fresh corpse into the house and further humiliate the tree by decorating it” is only the first question asked by this deep thinking, deep philosophical turd digger…

Random Rant 11.Dec 2014

In advance dear readers, I have to apologise for any harsh language in this post. I’m angry.
Sorry.

Well, I got a call from my wife.

We seem to have forgotten to pay the Dog-Tax on time, and they had sent us one of their minions to collect the tax.

Listen here you numbskulls, you send a letter with an invoice, we forget to pay.
Okay.
That’s bad behaviour on our part, but after that, you send another letter. That’s how everything in this world runs.
It’s called “a reminder”. Usually added with a late fee. Begrudingly I’d even pay that, since we are at fault here.

But you don’t show up with one your cretins on our doorstep! And let us fill out a form whether the dog owner (my wife) is married (a simple check in your database could solve that question without annoying us/her), whether we have a car (again, look up the databases at your disposal. Is there a car registered under the name? Yes? Woooow!!!! Shall I make a LATH post for you?) who pays the rent (why on earth would that concern you? It ain’t your business who is paying the rent!!!) and so on.
Just be glad I wasn’t home during the time of this questioning. I would’Ve given you these exact answers.
“Are you married?” – None of your business. Look it up.
“Do you have a car?” – None of your business. Look it up.
“Who is paying the rent?” – Absolutetly none of your business. Draw a Venn Diagramm of people likely to pay the rent and play the odds.

I despise the ground these tax/fee collecting misfits cast their shadows upon, and I hope a meteor incinerates the ground they walk on.

The real issue I have with the Dog-Tax is not that we have to pay it, but that they demand 82(!!!!) Euro, and STILL they force you to pick up dog poop.
NO!
With that amount of money I’m throwing into the dumpster here I demand you bowlmovements pick up the dog poop yourself. Remember some many decades ago? You justified the taxation of dogs with “we have to pay people who pick up the dog poop”. Good, now pick it up.

82 Euro a year, I expect people in fine suits come and pick it up, not the usual grimey workers, no, suit and tie wearing thieves who otherwise would only gather dust behind a desk and waste organs and oxygen.
Go and pick up dog poop you anal-orifices!

Again, I must ask for your forgiveness dear readers.
I just had to vent this…

A.

T minus 9

Holy shit!From the Website DoggyDolly I bring you:

“This romantic luxurious dog dress features fine laces and roses and petals on the upper part and three folds of black lace on the skirt.”

A dress, for your dog.
Black lace, roses and petals.

I’m almost at a lack of words for this. It would look cute on an eighteen year old human girl out on a date (resulting in breakfast), but a dog?

Seriously if you dress your dog in a “romantic” dress – you scare me! You should be weary around me, as I would ensure you stay FAR away from my family. (including our dog!)

Dog poop (Comedy)

“Your dog shat there!” (imagine an elderly woman with a ton of blame in her voice)

So? So it did lady! Look at the “grass” strip where my dog shat in. Plastic bags, plastic bottles and bottle caps, aluminum cans, metal bottle caps, glass bottles, glass splinters, cigarette buds…whenever there is dog poop not removed from this strip, it is a good deed.

My dog’s poop will be gone ENTIRELY in two weeks – tops! But the other stuff will be here when my great-great-grandchildrens great-great-grandchildren are on their death beds! And your biggest issue is dog poop?
Stuff that takes a thousand years or more to decay does not give you pause, but dog poop that will be fully decayed in two weeks? Really?

If I take the poop I substract vaulable nutrients from the circle of life. We humans do that already in a far to great a scale than to ignore further. Normally when a creature dies it drops dead, insects, worms, bacteria, scavangers take the body apart, they eat it, and poop it out later on. In that poop, in that shit, the nutrients are stored and returned to the soil. Plants use them to grow, bear fruit, which are eaten by herbivores who in turn are eaten by carnivores, who’ll get eaten once they’re dead. Both the herbivores and carnivores crap out nutritional dung for the ground to thrive upon.

What do we do with our dead? We gather them in special places, the soil there is rich and fertile, do we use it? NO!?
What happens to our droppings? Ah sewage treatment plants and then it isn’t used as fertilizer either. WE BURN OUR SHIT! We literally burn what remains then.
Taking nutrients out of the circle of life, the circle of nature, we keep substracting and wonder why we face a problem.

Lady, if I take that dog poop I’m actively participating in a further gang-rape on mother nature. You want to be an active rapist, pick it up yourself!

Besides, our city council told us, back in the day, that the dog tax is used to pay city employees who pick up dog poop.
Therefore, my duties are absolved.
I paid, I’m home free.
If the city council wants me to pick up my dog’s poop, they have to return my money. The dog tax has no validation anymore in that case. Period.

Me: “Yap, she did, didn’t she?”

Floosy: “I hope you step in it!”

Ballad of the Muffinthief

Mum was baking muffins – sweet and soft, light as air,
moist as a spring morning; best tasting everywhere!

To cool she sat them on the workplate,
while the chocolate frosting was being made.

When with hungry gaze, a nose rose to smell,
the sitting, cooling, waiting delight – so well.

As mum didn’t watch, chance presented; no doubt,
and up rose the nose, hungry gaze and snout;

Devoured in the gorge, the muffin is amiss.
Mum was wondering where the muffin is?

But who is the sneaky muffin thief,
who ate and no trace leave?

The boy in the cradle, sleeping sound,
did not leave tracks on the ground.

Dad at work, farther still,
did not steal from the windowsill.

Mum certainly while waiting,
did not eat her own baking.

A glad smile on the lips the dog sat,
where muffin was last seen at.

I wrote this today, after my wife told me during my lunchbreak of a muffin that went missing, instead of twelve there were only eleven now. Hope you like it. 😉