Posts tagged ‘douchebags’

Life ain’t that hard: Get outta the line!


You know how some people make the checkout line in the grocery store a real nightmare?
No, not the lady with the dead eyes and three or more screaming spawns around her.
I’m talking about the douchebags who pay for EVERYTHING with their card.
“2.99 € Sir.”
“Card.” Cashier has to press extra buttons, wasting a solide second or two. Douche inserts card, waits, types pin, presses Ok, waits, bill is printed, take the card. (Not including those who insert the card the wrong way, mistype their pin, etc.)
Now compare that to this: “2. 99 € Sir.” Gives cashier money, gets change.
At what point did we say “Fuck cash, I want to pay with my card. Even if it is just 2.99!”? You’re still getting mugged, so shut up about your safety or security argument!

Then there are the “holders” in the checkout line.
Holy shit I despise these numbskulls! They come with a cart FILLED to the top with stuff, and do they work efficiently to put that shit on the conveyor belt and after scanning, back in their cart?
Because they have to hold their wallet!
These people approach the checkout line, take their wallet out from their bag (and it IS a bag) and THEN they start offloading with ONE hand.
Why only one?
Because they don’t have a normal wallet, which you could balance between index finger and thumb, leaving you with three free fingers. Oh no, not these twatfaces! They have a Waiter’s wallet! A bazillion coupon cards, old receipts, one or two bills, one kilogram of copper coins, 3 € in bigger coins and that bitch fills your hand, weighing a ton!
Cashier scans items, they load them back in their cart with one hand, or in a shopping bag, and only after they’re done transferring their goods, they look back at the cashier who wants to stab them repeatedly with a rust, blunt butterknife, becauses/he has been waiting for a solid minute, minute and a half. Cashier has to repeat: “That’ll be 299,99€.”
If you’re lucky the holder pays and leaves, FINALLY!
If you’re unlucky you’ll hear one, or all of these: “I have a coupon!” “I’m a member! *takes card out*” “Paying with my card. *takes out bankcard/creditcard*”

Don’t worry, as usual in these posts, I have a solution ready!
One for the card douchebags, it has ONLY a cardreader, no cash. If you only have cash, you’re the idiot and need to get out of the line!
One for the holders, with a HUUUUUGE cnveyor belt.
One for normal people. Cash, card only accepted starting with 50+€, if you hold your waiter-wallet while unloading and loading, the cashier and other customers have the right to either smack it out of your hand, and/or scream at you “GET OUTTA THE LINE!” on top oif their lungs.

There. Fixed (y)our shopping nightmare.

Amok egoism…

… I may not be Mr. Considerate myself, but I have gotten a reasonable amount of social competence from my mother, enough as to not being a tital prick.

Why am I writing this? At the time I write these lines, I was standing in a train, happily typing away on part four of act 3 of “Whose World” when the egoism around me, runs me over! First there is this little shit that stood just right in front of the door of the train, people were not able to exit it faster because of him. Just so Shitty McShitpants could get a seat.
Good work asshole!

Then the douchebag “I am important, Motherfucker” shows up and hangs his bag (a travelbag) on the handrail of the cab, so the starway is half blocked. I wished someone had tripped over it and sued that sunshaded prick for damages.

Idiot leaves with his bag, cue intro Twatty O’Twat, also known as the Onioncunt!
It should be prohibited under highprized penalties to enter any public transport with smelly food! Like in this case Onion Pizza. Happily munching away ger pseudo Italian cuisine she positioned her cart like bag – guess where – right, IN FRONT OF THE FUCKING STAIRS!! Later it fell over blocking all of it!

Which reminds me: no cart bags! You aren’t going on a trip? You aren’t shopping? Forget the wheeled bag!
Get a backpack, pack light or heavy, go.
Get a bag, pack light, go.
Get a cart, you better be shopping!

You know how irked I gotta be to stop writing?

Now if the selfcentered egomaniacs continue to show up in the bus, I’m going to turn violent… (how can people wonder why some people actually go on killingsprees?)