Posts tagged ‘droids’

How to fix the Star Wars Prequels – Episode 3

Finally the last one. I can’t wait to get this over with.

1. General LeeDookoo’s attack on the capitol is in full swing months after Episode 2. Amidala is on Naboo heavy preggers. Obi Wan and Anakin are in the defense of Coruscant, the robo lizzard General Grievous (see RedLetterMedia for additional baddies like Admiral Bone-to-Pick) is completely eliminated from the story. COMPLETELY!

2. Chacnellor Palpatine is abducted by General Dookoo (Darth R.E.Lee), the two (Obi Wan & Anakin) get him back. Remember, there is NO R2D2 or 3CPO here. Good? Perfect! Obi Wan is slowly suspecting there is something going on / wrong with Anakin, as he seems less reserved like a Jedi, but more aggressive like a Sith (can we call them “Dark Jedi” again? Sith sounds like a Hobo’s soiled pants after drinking too much Wine from a carton…).
General Darth Lee is murdered in cold blood by Anakin, further deepning the doubts that Obi Wan has in his apprentice.

3. After the separatists/confederates retreat from GhettysburgCoruscant, a decisive battle that IS determining the war (just like in the civil war at Ghettysburg), we are informed that Palpatine should have signed a treaty that makes the separation from the republic legal. (So the entire abduction finally makes sense!)

4. By now Palpatine has become interested in the irritated, angry young Jedi Anakin, and further deepens the damage to his training, drawing hi deeper into the Dark Jedi territory. Sooner or later Anakin becomes evil, which causes Amidala to end their relationship, filing for divorce, without telling him of her pregnancy. This makes him even more angry. BUT WE NEVER SEE THESE TWO ON THE SCREEN TOGETHER!

5. Darth Vader! Yes, finally we’re there. Palpatine sends him to deal with General Lee’s Dookoo’s successor on Mustafar (that’s racist by the way), who is staging & manufacturing a new wave of battle droids there. While offing these and the successor (a noname, who is not a dark jedi) Obi Wan and Yoda learn of the fate of their fellow Jedi. Palpatine has ordered his agents in the command ranks of the clone to wipe the JEdi out. Since the clones are obedient, they just do what they’re told without hesitation. Obi Wand Yoda are the sole survivors.

6. There is no endfight between Obi Wan and Anakin/Vader OR Yoda versus Palpatine.  His condition is due to the noname successor to Dookoo setting off a selfdestruct on Mustafar. Palpatine rushed to his aid, while Yoda hides on Dagobah, and Obi Wan goes with Senator Organa to look for Amidala, who dies in childbirth. Now the two (Yoda is already in hiding) decide to separate the twins, Leia on Alderaan as his adoptive daughter and Luke with the Lars’s on Tatooine, where Ben Kenobi also goes into hiding.

7. Darth Vader and Emperor Palpatine watch a Death Star in construction imploding under its own weight, explaining why they’re taking so long to build an operational one until Episode 4.

There could be an outro crawler explaining that the Clone armies slowly died because of the advanced aging they had to under go, and drafts were pulling able bodied men into service. If you want to keep the “special edition” original trilogy, make Coruscant look a little run down. Buildings in neglect as the materials to build the fleet and the death stars are no longer available for maintaining stupid looking buildings…oh and make them dirty. And get “old” Anakin back in Episode 6.

So. I fixed the prequels. Somewhat. It could be done better, but this is a quickly drawn up draft for the real geniuses in Hollywood to work with.
Fix the mistake George did. While we’re at it, Paramount, send the dude who thought a CGI Enterprise in Star Trek TOS would be a good idea to the same island we need to ditch George on.
Thanks.

May the force be with you!
A.

How to fix the Star Wars Prequels – Episode 2

Remember the second episode? It was more of an intoxicating stinker of a cinematic turd than the shite that grounded the BA flight to Dubai back in March 2015.

Fix it.

1. After the corrected Episode 1 we follow up at Coruscant, the midair collision traffic has wound down a little, as more and more system want to seprate from the republic (remember the Civil War reference? Good. Keep that in mind!). Count Dookoo (which sounds like some took a dump “I made a Count Dookoo in my diaper!” – so rename him, Disney, please!) is presented as a baddie from the start, as he is a General (equal to General Lee in the Civil War. Keep that shit in mind, people). We are presented with the fact that the republic has little to offer against the separatists, so drafts are going to happen. Occassionally Jedi are drafted in, and eventually the council agrees to join the war effort in order to restore peace.

2. Now the Clones march in. In order to keep the economy up and running they need the people NOT in the war, so the senate votes for the formation of a clone army, we can basically keep the majority of the clone plot. BUT the senate is informed about their shady background, and thus NON clone men/women are leading the troops. (influenced, infilitrated or something by the baddies, so the obedient clones later can rebel against the Jedi)

3. Love. Anakin and Amidala had kept tabs on each other, kept in contact – they’re friends, and their romance has begun formin OF camera in etween Episode 1 and 2. Still they only reluctantly indulge in their feelings, but in essence it is AMIDALA that is making the advances, breaking Anakin’s training and turns out his passion/love (and thus inadvertently his darker side). There is NO plot to assassinate her, but high ranking political individuals are slowly transfered away from Coruscant, as an attack is feared, and instead of having ALL leaders wiped out all at once, the separatists could only damage them, but not wipe them out. The senators can holo-phone their stuff in.
Anakin is escorting her to Naboo (again, change it, or your Dookoo making kid will think of curvy furry animals eating grapes and frolicking in the sun) on a mission to prove himself to the council and Obi Wan.

4. Obi Wan and his former Master Yoda are investigating the murder of Chancellor Velorum (now Palpatine can be elected) Obi Wan follows the assassin, Jango Fett, and gets trapped on the planet where Dookoo (*sigh*) is staging and manufacturing his troops for the Battle at Ghettysburg Coruscant. Anakin and Amidala rush to the rescue, after having spent a sinful night together. (Yes. This early. Deal with it.)

5. Keep the arena scene, Dookoo and Maul are watching in horror as the Jedi and Clones march in. Chase scene, fight.
Now either Yoda is going limp due to old age or he is injured during the fight, Maul gets finally killed, LeeDookoo escapes, the droids join in their escape. Prior a discussion revealed the plans for the deathstar as previously in the old AotC.

6. Again, we meet Palpatine as Imperator (Darth PantaloonsSidious) only for a brief moment, no over indulgent conversations with a hologram that could be traced/recorder and compared. The Civil War is full on.
Episode 2 ends.

A thing about the sets. Except on ambasadorial or royal ships/locations, the sets should have a grimey, used touch to them. You know, a little dirty, a little used. Not ALL sets looking like they were built and cleaned an hour ago.

Again, fix this, for the sake of the force. DO IT!
A.