Posts tagged ‘egg’

A surprise egg!!!

Oh boy! I am letting out my inner child by buying this. I loved kinder surprise eggs as a kid. I’m a nerd. This will no doubt be a shitty toy, but it will still be epic!!!

Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. The suspense is kiiiilling meeeee!!!!

Here we see tangible disappointment in the shape of a FUCKING ERASER!!!

If I were still a kid I’d be having a massive tantrum right now. Any child finding this inside their Star Wars surprise egg would be choking back tears of disappointment, broken dreams while munching on cheap chocolate. Maybe it skips well across the lake when tossed at the right angle and speed…

What is this supposed to be? Preparation for life? Cheap chocolate, suspense, disappointment. Not ONE parent will buy a second one of these. I won’t. I’m 35 and I even felt cheated and deeply disappointed. 

They should make Game of Thrones surprise eggs, containing the severed heads of the cast, with a small amount of fake blood in them for maximum gore and “fun”…

Whoever made this shit a reality should be forced to watch one thousand kids opening these fuckers. 

Take care, A.

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Crappy Easter 2017 

Holy snotballs!

If you know a baking aficionado whom you hate, and want them to feel sick to their stomach everytine they bake, here’s the gift idea of your liking.

The pig regurgitates the yolk (out of its nose mind you).

Turn the passion of someone into a phobia. You’re welcome, have a Crappy Easter. (Just the one this year, sorry)

A.

Crappy Easter 3/4

Cages, broken eggshells, and shooting gallery training targets.

Okay, I have a theory.

This was for a shelved Jurassic Park movie. The raptors hatched from the eggs, and were supposed to trap themselves in the cages, but since they have some anomalous DNA in them, they Chameleon their way around this by appearing as bunny shaped shooting targets…

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Here’s a pro tipp, you want half an eggschell?
Ostrich farm. They sell ’em, and they do NOT look lile crap.

Crappy Easter 2/4

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Don’t you love itnhow he stands there all like “Bitch always undercooks the eggs.” While she looks as if she laid them herself, colored them to resemble the Irish flag, and seems to ask herself – in a moment of self awareness – why she’s holding this crap, a bunny can’t cook irish sparrow eggs, “you little snottlet”.

So 20 euros for one of the soulsnatching, demon hatching, oirish Bunnies from hell, with an attitude.
Nope. I think not.

Easter presents…

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This easter rabbit can count the eggs hidden behind the house, sitting on the front porch.

Now take this trashbag, and haul this year’s sodded easter crap off…

Fiendish Easter I
Fiendish Easter II
Fiendish Easter III
Fiendish Easter IV
Fiendish Easter V

Yes, yes this was the index for this year’s Easter.
A.

Fiendish Easter V

eggzPlease boil our young, and devour them!
Here, let me help you!

Is this to soothe your conscience? A Hen helping you in the process of devouring an egg?

Really?

pianobunny

“You’re a delusional dipshit if you think I’ll play it again!”

 

 

Athena and the Easter bunny

Enjoying the early bird songs Athena sat perched on the window sill of the little boy’s room. When down in the yard a rabbit appeared.
Without deviation the rabbit hopped through the grass and disappeared into the house.
Curious Athena turned, flew over to the door and went outside, downstairs, to see what the unusual visitor was doing.
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In the livingroom, at the couch, there it was. Gently hopping along, inspecting the space betweencouch and floor.
Hooting her Hello Athena swooped down and perched on the couch just above the visitor.
“Hello.” The rabbit returned, pulling out an intricately painted egg from under its fur, gently rolling it under the couch, all the while Athena looked on in curious amazement. “What are you doing there?”
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“Hiding eggs with presents, I’m the easter bunny.” The rabbit replied, amazed at Athena’s ignorance. Still the rabbit produced another egg and rolled in her general direction.

“Happy Easter, Athena!” The rabbit smiled hopping away again, out the door.
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After a few moments the artful egg began twitching, rocking back and forth, and bounced around until its shell broke and was flung away in arches revealing a tiny hatchling snowy owl, called Lilly.
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