Posts tagged ‘egg’

What is this supposed….

This Wookie egg, a contraption seemingly fashioned by Hagrid,

is actually a candle. What fucktart looked at a normal candle glass and then went “You know what this is missing? FUR!”

Who is this for? Who in their right mind is buying this shite?

I seriously hope that this is bait to put people on government watchlists odd some sort, this can’t be by/for normal people…

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A surprise egg!!!

Oh boy! I am letting out my inner child by buying this. I loved kinder surprise eggs as a kid. I’m a nerd. This will no doubt be a shitty toy, but it will still be epic!!!

Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. The suspense is kiiiilling meeeee!!!!

Here we see tangible disappointment in the shape of a FUCKING ERASER!!!

If I were still a kid I’d be having a massive tantrum right now. Any child finding this inside their Star Wars surprise egg would be choking back tears of disappointment, broken dreams while munching on cheap chocolate. Maybe it skips well across the lake when tossed at the right angle and speed…

What is this supposed to be? Preparation for life? Cheap chocolate, suspense, disappointment. Not ONE parent will buy a second one of these. I won’t. I’m 35 and I even felt cheated and deeply disappointed. 

They should make Game of Thrones surprise eggs, containing the severed heads of the cast, with a small amount of fake blood in them for maximum gore and “fun”…

Whoever made this shit a reality should be forced to watch one thousand kids opening these fuckers. 

Take care, A.

Crappy Easter 2017 

Holy snotballs!

If you know a baking aficionado whom you hate, and want them to feel sick to their stomach everytine they bake, here’s the gift idea of your liking.

The pig regurgitates the yolk (out of its nose mind you).

Turn the passion of someone into a phobia. You’re welcome, have a Crappy Easter. (Just the one this year, sorry)

A.

Crappy Easter 3/4

Cages, broken eggshells, and shooting gallery training targets.

Okay, I have a theory.

This was for a shelved Jurassic Park movie. The raptors hatched from the eggs, and were supposed to trap themselves in the cages, but since they have some anomalous DNA in them, they Chameleon their way around this by appearing as bunny shaped shooting targets…

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Here’s a pro tipp, you want half an eggschell?
Ostrich farm. They sell ’em, and they do NOT look lile crap.

Crappy Easter 2/4

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Don’t you love itnhow he stands there all like “Bitch always undercooks the eggs.” While she looks as if she laid them herself, colored them to resemble the Irish flag, and seems to ask herself – in a moment of self awareness – why she’s holding this crap, a bunny can’t cook irish sparrow eggs, “you little snottlet”.

So 20 euros for one of the soulsnatching, demon hatching, oirish Bunnies from hell, with an attitude.
Nope. I think not.

Easter presents…

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This easter rabbit can count the eggs hidden behind the house, sitting on the front porch.

Now take this trashbag, and haul this year’s sodded easter crap off…

Fiendish Easter I
Fiendish Easter II
Fiendish Easter III
Fiendish Easter IV
Fiendish Easter V

Yes, yes this was the index for this year’s Easter.
A.

Fiendish Easter V

eggzPlease boil our young, and devour them!
Here, let me help you!

Is this to soothe your conscience? A Hen helping you in the process of devouring an egg?

Really?

pianobunny

“You’re a delusional dipshit if you think I’ll play it again!”