Posts tagged ‘games’

Life ain’t that hard, Social Media

If you’re a lowlife cretin who should be bludgeoned to death with a balloon animal for the following, or parts of it:

-Posting quarter hourly updates on yourself, or
-Reposting loud images (with often incorrect shite in them) from all over the place,
-Interspersed with invites to some shitty games that no one cares for and everyone wants to cut your hands off for playing
-Liking a crapzillion of pages, and thus spreading their filth
-Logging in at every corner you visit

then fret not, for it is simple, thou shalt follow these basic decency & behavior commandments for social media:

1. Logeth in and checketh out.
This means, read other people’s posts first, before boldy blaring out your status, which no one really cares for. 

2. Thou may engage in reactions.
If you want to, you can react to someone else’s post(s). That is the social part of social media. You are not the star, just another schmuck, those are not your fans, but, supposedly, your friends. Interact, mingle, comment.

3. Thou mayeth post.
Post one, maybe two, status updates per day. TOPS! Only in emergency situations (f.e. toppling an oppressive government) is it okay to forgo this limit.

4. Thou shalt not RePost!
Just, don’t. Unless it is really important (really occuring revolutions, missing people, rabid bears or pedophiles, etc.)

5. Enough pictures.
Enough babies, enough cats, enough boobs and asses. Go to a special interest group/site if you want to see or share this, but the general public doesn’t care for any of that.

6. Moar of ye olde Pictures!
If you’re too young to remember boring slideshows of other people’s holidays, ask your parents, or grandparents how frigging boring that was. Want to share your holiday experience? One to Five pictures which highlight the best of it, will do, if someone is genuinely interested in more, they’ll ask. (Ahahahaha!!!)

7. Enough with the liketh!
Not everything you encounter in life needs a like online!
Bands, artists, celebrities, etc. Yes.
Brands, products, politicians, websites, etc. No!

8. Playeth with thineself.
No one cares for your geese or your jewels or your candy – if anything we’d like to see you buried under a mountain of that stuff. Keep it to yourself!

9. Logeth out.
Yes, the dreaded end of one’s participation in social idiocy.
Listen, don’t stay online for hours and hours more, having the media site track your every movement out there. Don’t be the intelectually malnutritioned fool, that is taking all their knowledge from the lopsided soup that is your prefered newsfeed. Controversy, disagreeing opinions those are NURTURING the mind, sharpening it. LOG OUT!

And the grand finale!
10. Thou shalt not reveal thine location!
Stop giving away your location! Just, no! We don’t care where you are, nor should you care where the others are. If they’re near you, but won’t see you, guess what? They don’t like you! Stop checking in from the pub at the corner of my block. Get lost creep.

It is a little extensive, so here’s the print out version:

1. Logeth in and checketh out.
2. Thou may engage in reactions.
3. Thou mayeth postonce or twice daily.
4. Thous shalt not RePost!
5. Enough pictures
6. Moar of ye olde Pictures!
7. Enough with the liketh!
8. Playeth with thineself.
9. Logeth out.
10. Thou shalt not reveal thine location!

Glue it next to your screen, make it your phone’s lock screen – what ever it takes for you to stop this crap!

Get your silly acts together, stop making social media asocial places, that are more a sewer than a place of interaction.

As always, take care,
A.

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Life ain’t that hard, stuff-free stuff

Short and simple this time.

-If you can’t process lactose, stay the frak away from milk. Leave milk alone, use soy juice or coconut juice, and don’t you dare call any of it “milk”.
-If you can’t handle gluten, don’t eat it, but don’t substract gluten from stuff.
-The same goes for low-carb! Don’t eat carbohydrates if you don’t wanna, but leave them where they belong.
-If you need to drive, don’t drink. If you order an alcohol free beer – you better get drunk instead.
-If you don’t want to ingest sugar, fracking don’t. Live with the health conscious choice you made and do not use other stuff for substitute.
-Same for vegans. Conscious choice, deal with it. But don’t play with your soypaste and build yourself a fake steak. You want a sausage, either have sex, or get a real one.
-You want coffee? Drink coffee. You don’t want caffeine? Don’t drink coffee. The end.

In even shorter form: Can’t, or don’t want to, handle it? Live with it.

Stop over-complicating things. Stop cluttering the world with your filthy useless garbage! Otherwise we will soon have joyless joy, sexfree sex and playfree playtime.
Life ain’t that hard, stop taking things out of stuff where they belong in.

Take care,
A.

Addendum to the Hippies…

A well known theatre (actors on a stage) in my country is in dire need of renovations. To rake in donations they started an advertising campaign (with a rather unsettling image):

The woman in the picture (in others it’s a man) has no eyes, but skin stretched over the place where eyes should be. The slogan goes something like this: “Whether you want to see it, or not. No renovation. No theater. Let’s do something.”
Okay. Sad, but okay.

So far, so good.

Then someone took a sharpie (or edding) and wrote on the forehead of the woman on the ad the following

“So much injustice…
so many wars…so much lunacy…
whom is caring for theatre then?”

I know it isn’t supposed to say “whom” but I wanted to carry the grammatical error over from german, and this is the best I could come up with. So that would be issue number one with that graffity.

Number 2: Injustice? Wars? Lunacy? That’s business as usual you numbskull!
We need theatre (and it’s successors “Movies”, “TV”, “Gaming”, “Internet”) as a form of escapism. I’d rather live in a world with injustice, wars and lunacy that has these escapsims in it, than a world with absolute peace, equality and sense that has NO (performing) arts!

Theatre (and it’s successors) not only provide relief from the world we have to endure, but also serve as a projection of our dreams. Even IF we were to have peace, equality and sanity in the world, all of the world, we still have dreams, dreams that can’t be fulfilled.
For example: No magic, no starships (yet), so we need a projector.

We need and want drama, we need it to satisfy our basic emotional responses. We want it in order to feel empathy.
To remind us why we are doing what we are doing. In that perfect world this hippy scribbler indirectly demands, we will soon suffer from a lack of empathy, as there is no suffering, thus we become indifferent.
That’s were drama comes in.
In the world we live in right now, we need drama to remind us that there are solutions to things. To hone our empathy, and transport that empathy from the play (etc.) out into the real world.

Theatre (and so on) satisfies our need for human interaction, even if we are a social introvert, we are still hardwired to NEED it, and this is a basic need served. An introvert who can’t speak to people, still can feel (empathy wise) the entire emotionrange due to these projections.

So you god damn hippy, we need theatre (and so on), as escapism, as honing for our empathy, as distraction, as levitation, as projection. We need to dream, to hope, to aim, to reflect, to think, but also to shut down our mind and let things unfold without us interfering.
For thousands of years there was theatre as entertainment in one way or another.
Denying that it is a basic human need to entertain and be entertained, is even more crippling to society and our development,than injustice, wars and lunacy together.

With that said, here the stumbling block:

CreepyTake care, peace
A.

PS: Yes, she looks like something lifted from a creepypasta…

Riddle #1

Let’s play a game.

This is the first installment of the sort, maybe there’ll be more, maybe this is the first and last one. The rules are simple, post your answer as a reply to this, or on any of my sites (google+, facebook, twitter, tumblr or linkedIn), or send me an E-Mail.

Here it goes:

Riddle #1“I am a creature from a SciFi novel series / film. Name either me, my homeworld or the novel/film”

If you have the answer, or you want to dwell on the hints given already – don’t read on!

 

 

 

 

 

Hint: There had been a remake of the movie, as well as miniseries and several Games.

 

 

 

 

 

Hint: “My poops keeps the galaxy running.”

 

 

 

 

 

Hint: Names of planets from this novel series have been added into the nomenclature for features on Titan.

 

 

 

 

 

Final hint: Patrick Steward played a role in the first film (It isn’t Star Trek related! Please don’t look it up on IMDB, that’d be cheating!)

 

Beating the virtual (pt.4)

reallyReally YouTube?

Really?

It isn’t enough that I am tormented with advertising to the right side of many videos, it isn’t enough that I have to click away a banner °inside° the video(frame), it isn’t enough that the advertising sluts are wiping their filthy asses with valuable seconds of my life BEFORE a video starts – NO.

Now I am getting a suggestion (!) for an ADVERTISMENT in my channelfeed and suggestion section.

Really?
Everywhere I turn I get advertising in my face. “Buy this toiletbowl scrubber it’ll improve your sexlife.” – really? “Yes really!”
You see, the advertising cretins are selling E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G with sex. I never understood the connection between a coffeemachine and a sexy female.
Having a new coffeemachine  didn’t ever help me getting any. (Yes such a series of ads were running here in Austria and Germany back in the late 80s and early 90s)
Shut up, sod off and die.

There so much crap being tossed at you in these advertisements – which proves that we decended from monkeys, we’re still a large group of feces flinging apes.

20 somthing woman: “Mom, I have a problem, I am constipated, do you know that feeling?”
No sweetie, she doesn’t. What you don’t know is that your mom had died giving birth to you and was replaced by an android, and an android has no idea what constipation feels like…OF COURSE SHE DOES! Cut the crap and go for the truth: “Mom I have constipation, any suggestions on how to get rid of it?”

The medicinal products, and health supporting products, that are all of a sudden popping (or pooping) up in the advertising aisle are baffling me. “Do you feel bloated after eating? Eat this Yoghurt and you will feel flattened, and become sexy!” Mentally I insert a loud and long farting sound at that point to illustrate the way it works. “Maaaan I feel stuffed, but this’ll help!” *chums-down-yoghurt* *faaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrt* “Better! Bring the second Turkey mum!”

What bothers me the most is the advertisements using sex to sell a product that actually should help you get laid better/faster. “The false eyelash mascara, makes you irresistible.” I got bombarded with an ad on YouTube lately, I skipped it everytime so I have no clue what it is for in the end but it started like “Did you ever wonder why the women you are not interrested in are attracted to you, and the women you are interrested in aren’t?” *skip* – if I need your product or advise for that I shouldn’t be able to reproduce, in that case I think I would’ve forfitted my right to reproduce. Besides, all knowing admachine, I have a wife, we’re having a baby in July. Obviously I did something right.
“Plain hair on tuesday, curly hair on friday – your hair has to endure a lot of stress, the new heat protective …” WHO CARES?? Stop redoing your hair every other day, and while you are working on “Being recognizable” ditch the Flypeople sunglasses.
I hate these: “Hi, it’s me, don’T you recognize me?” Sorry, but I don’t know any flies. These shades cover half your frickin face, and you expect me to recognize you? If it were that simple Batman would’ve been recognized as Bruce Wayne a long time ago!

So YouTube tracks my movement across its site – good. Suggest shit I’d like, thanks.
But, YouTube is part of the google empire, hence YouTube knows, what google knows. I’m a male, I live in Austria, I fancy history, science, science fiction, fantasy, comedy, and more. So why would the suggested, targeted ad I got yesterday be for a feminine hair line product?
If you HAVE to be a pain in the ass, be one that is personalized.
At least gendered.
I certainly don’t need styling for plain hair by L’Oreal Austria!

Another trend in advertising I have noticed is going for the lowest common denominator. People get dumber all the time, dumber and dumber. I remember times when advertising was served with a highbrow, or with details about the product, but eversince the dentists-wives and -daughters said they recommend a certain toothpaste shit got worse. Really? They aren’t dentists, so why would I heed their recommendation? The dentist in question could tell them that they are using shit, and they say “I don’t care, I recommend this quarz-mud toothpaste!” Stupid BS!

The organic lies!
“This stuff is homegrown, ecologic clean conscience, organic food!” – it comes from a major brand, hence it is anything BUT homegrown! George Carlin has written/spoken about this quite a lot, only that the organic bullshit hadn’t been launched fullscale back then. But I completely agree with him on that. You want homegrown, organic food? GROW SOME! And save the seeds asshole. If you need to go and BUY seeds you get fucked over by monsanto and consorts.

Voodoo powder!
My son is a year old and shares everything with his friends.” *kid eats cake hands spoon to friend who eat with it* “But is he safe?” no. The minute the little kid pops out of you, he is in danger. The very minute his existence began actually.
But pumping them full with Voodoo powder milk that should boost his health or what ever is probably making him sick. Your mum stopped breastfeeding you at about 6 months old. Maybe later. Did you survive? If the answer is yes, guess what.
THATS THE WAY TO GO! Your immune system needs to be under attack to build up a defense, thats how most vaccines work. A virus that has been made inactive gets injected into your bloodstream, your immunesystem learns all about it and is capable of defending against it if the real shit came along. Same goes for your kid’s immunesystem. Voodoo powder at best delays the inevitable! Feed the little ones a helathy diet, lots of vitamins, not so much sugar (no artificial sweeteners!) and he’ll be off good. Stop throwing your Voodoo powder down my direction! After all – countless generations have survived wothout it, and the argument it boosts brain development – Alber Einstein had no Voodoo Powder, and became THE Albert Einstein.

Rise and shine.
“Rising cities, here you are the mayor…” *skip* – I don’t care for any of your stupid little browser games, or facebook games. I already touched that topic in pt.1

Rinse and shine – this cleaning lotion gets you over pimples…shut up. That shit dries out your skin, and you will have to get a moisturizer, which cloggs up your pores, which GIVES YOU PIMPLES!
While I’m at the topic of creams and rinses.  “The L’Oreal youthCode, plant stemcells, rejuvenating”… AGE IN DIGNITY! If one more of the old cuntbags shows up on my screen telling me how she still has perfect smooth skin at 70, all because of the freaking cream and wash, I’m gonna kill every beauty surgeon on the planet! Let’s see how she fares then!

Cars to die for.
New cars that only use 4.5 liters of gas per 100 kilometers and have a hybrid engine are being hailed as the new green stuff.
It isn’t. There is nothing green, natural, environment friendly, ecologic or even economic about a fucking car! Get it into your heads folks, these things make you fat, cost money and pollute. ALWAYS.
You want a green car? Take Flinstones mobile or a fully electric one.
One that doesn’t burn stuff, that is green. Now stop trying to sell cars as green and peaceful that are anything BUT!

Furniture for Idiots.
I don’t know wether you my dear readers are tormented with furniture stores advertising like they had a lobotomy, I certainly am, like my fellow Austrians. They have a red couch – barely room enough for two people, costing almost 3.000Euro, now redesigned with goggly eyes and a stuck out tongue, for reasons of insane price days…or a family that originally lived in the store, and I hated them from the start all those years ago. They get sillier, and sillier, noisier, and noisier, and I loathe them. Or a superhero who slashes living cartoon prices in half, and they are happy afterwards – I sometimes ask myself whether the brains behind it have escaped from a uberbrutal S&M ring, or whether they are targeting the people who have been watching too much Tom&Jerry in their childhood. The screaming teenage girl Ikea throws at us lately is just the tip of the iceberg, but it is enough. THrow the little cunt in her room, lock the door, bar the window(s) and let her calm down.

Clothes for naked people.
Yes, you read that correct. But actually it’s naked people making a case for clothes they barely wear. Scantly dressed whores (sorry feminists, but if you look at them in any other way I doubt your vision is clear) and beefed up douchebags (sorry malinists, see above) with open shirts are NOT making a case for your cloths. Yes, cloths, not clothes.
These rugs are barely something to ware but stuff to wipe the floor with. But that is another topic, the ads with naked people for CLOTHES eludes me. I don’t get it. Neither do I understand why women would buy shoes after seeing a skinny chick wear them naked in ads.

I know that some YouTubers make their living with YouTube, and thus with advertising. In all honesty, although I am a fan of some of them, I hope the entire advertising industry crashes into a crisis that will never allow them to resurface.
The Advertising University (!) in austria is making advertising for itself, and I have to say, these are the shittiest ads I have ever seen. And don’t get me started on the lowest of them all – Axe deodorants…

We have billboards at the streets, other forms of advertisements on the streets, ads in papers, ads on webpages – even facebook, ads in Apps, ads on the radio and TV, ads on their own (flyers), ads in the videos as banners, as blocks and as videos. That they now start suggesting ads seems desperate. The bubble has reached critical mass, if you work in advertising I’d suggest to pull out before it bursts.

At least the faces of politicians aren’t staring at me, yet. But we have an election coming up this year…

A.