Posts tagged ‘gifts’

NYE 2017/2018

Party animal, alright. 

Ever wanted to see a bull or a moose regurgitate wine, or champagne, or vinegar, or oil, or sauce from a bottle? Here you go! 

Whoever needed these was a sick person who needs counseling rather than be allowed corporate decisions.

I hope your new year turns out to be the worst ever if this is how you decide to celebrate it.

Crappy new year.


3. Advent 2017

There is so much wrong with this pig on so many levels it would be nearly impossible to list it all. 


1. This pig obviously just suffered through a stroke.
2. It wears a tutu.
3. How does it get into those clothes and necklace, when clearly all four appendages are heel clad feet?
4. Why is the ONE region that normally is covered by a dress – the nether regions – NOT covered?
5. Is this perverse?
6. Who designed this?
7. Do they know anything about pigs?
8. What drugs have they been scoring?
9. Isn’t it against humanitarian laws to produce, sell, purchase and take those drugs?
10. Who is this for?
11. Seriously. WHO IS THIS FOR???

Gift at your own peril. Anyone giving this as present should be on a watchlist somewhere, anyone receiving this should be too, just to be safe.

Merry Crapmas.

1. Advent 2017

Collectable Puppet “Toni”.

Frighten the ever loving shit out of every person that sets eyes on this. Be it gift receiver, or just plain old visitor, this is sure to let everyone know that they’re dealing with a heart- and soulless vicious devourer of life, love, hopes, and dreams. 
Any person unwrapping this will make the unmistakably tormented face of a person faking joy, when they’d rather had gotten socks.

Merry Crapmas!

Oh dear me…

…I have forgotten to prepare a Friday post. 

Mea culpa. 

Updates: Scrapped portions of Shadows. Going to rewrite that scrapped stuff. One day. Currently writing a new series. Fantasy again. Originally I had wanted to go to space again. But the new sci-fi series has to wait and ripen in my mind. (Too many ideas that need to be incorporated into a single universe, which currently are somewhat incompatible.)

Going to go back to comedy next week. I hope…

Bad news for Christmas. I haven’t got enough for a calendar this year. There’s plenty of stuff out there, mind you, but I haven’t got the time to find it all and write about it. Instead I will do the four Advent Sundays. 

Take care, A.

Crappy Halloween 2017

Holy fucking pumkin on fire!

Normally I’m quite fond of owls, but this abomination had stared into the abyss too long, is now the devourer of souls, as the abyss is staring through your soul, seeing you more exposed than naked.

Decorate your house with this, the kids won’t be frightened away, but will be tormented until eternity ends. Gift this, and you can strike one name off your list of enemies.

Crappy Halloween.

Pre Christmas Terror.

In this hallowed time of Halloween, horror and terror are the good tone. 

But what I have in store for you will shock the bravest souls, terrify the most hardcore horror aficionados. It will drive insane those who are too weak, will test the strength of those with minds and functioning reason. 

I present

The advent calendar from the mirror universe. Where the dreadful, drab and dreary emojis are called emotis, and where they are considered to be funny. You know the place. Where Spock wears a goatee. Where Trump is the good president, and Obama was shitty. Where Fox is the liberal news outlet. Where the prequels were actually any good and firefly ran for a few seasons. 

Do you dare stare into this abyss, or do you fear it will stare into you?

The care,

Crappy Birthday in September 

Quite literally. 

For the city dwellers who can’t get enough of that sweet, sweet guano producing fowl that is ever omnipresent in urban areas the world over. 


Fathered crap bags. Cast in stone…or clay. 

“It reminded me of you.” Normally this can be a quite romantic line, but with this, you can tell a yuppie what you think of them. Urban crap bag. Ucrab. 

Crappy Birthday! A.