Posts tagged ‘gifts’

Crappy Birthday in August 2017

Got that detestable garbage human Hipster scum in your circle of acquaintances?

Their birthday is coming up?

PERFECT!

These revolting socks are the perfect gift, for a perfect asshole. They will surely like it, because it is before they are cool, because they’ll never be cool. And these socks a shining (or screamingly loud) warning beacon. 

Warn others. Gift these socks.

Crappy Birthday.
A.

Crappy Birthday in July

Imagine the “majestic” flamingo, perched on a pedestal of guano, one foot dangling to the ground. 


That wonderful hideousness can be yours to drive relatives and acquaintances over the edge for the lo lo price of 2.95€. Cheese factor is over 9000.

Crappy Birthday, A.

Crappy Birthday in June

Know a smoker? Hate the living crap out of that fucker? Want to gift him/her with the worst curse from Pandora’s box – false hope?


Lucky you! 

This cigarette case, with the hopeful message of survival, whilst containing suicide in small doses, is the perfect gift for this occasion. 
Crappy birthday,

A.

Mother’s day 2017

Been to a gift shop, found these “innocent” party masks. 

I have seen that movie. Those three are going to have their way with a woman in an all night ravaging orgy. 

So, there’s a gift idea for this Sunday’s mother’s day 2017: If you don’t know mommies three “best friends”, just give her these masks, she’ll make good use of them. 

Crappy Mother’s day, and if you get a new sibling in February, and your mommy calls them an animal name like rabbit, deer or teddy/bear – you’ll know more than you ever wanted…

Scary 

Easter came and went, and as such I, unexpectedly, have another trinket for you.

Because if I don’t, my brain will swell until my skull cracks open like an egg, so it can escape the fruitless pondering of “who thought that this was a good idea???”

This coloring book is neat, at first glance:

Googly eyes.
Until you change the page.

UNGODLY NIGHTMARE CREATURE, UNHOLY GHOUL FROM THE FIRE REALM! CALL 911, THE FBI, CIA, NSA, KGB AND CHINA!
Fuck me, this is creepy.

So, as an after thought, again a ghoulish happy Zomb…er…easter. 

Take care,
A.

Crappy Easter 2017 

Holy snotballs!

If you know a baking aficionado whom you hate, and want them to feel sick to their stomach everytine they bake, here’s the gift idea of your liking.

The pig regurgitates the yolk (out of its nose mind you).

Turn the passion of someone into a phobia. You’re welcome, have a Crappy Easter. (Just the one this year, sorry)

A.

Crappy Birthday in March

Holy freak, I almost forgot about you folks needing this month’s birthday presents.

Here it comes, the costume to end all costumes, the cosplay to end all cosplay.

For 28 Euro you can look like a carcinogenic piece of pork. (With a smile that fills every creep with envy)
Ideal gift for your Jewish or Muslim friends, or their elderly relatives. Or yours if you’re from a faith forbidding pork.
A hearty laugh will be had in any case.

Gift this, our present yourself in this at any gift giving occasion this month, if you love to frak with people’s minds.
Drive them further towards, or further over, the edge. Redefine reality, and let them know, that you’re alive, and that they are too.
Whether they like it, our not.

Crappy Birthday,
A.