Posts tagged ‘Google’

Social media ain’t for us

Social networks have turned people into shittier friends.

That’s my conclusion after going off of Facebook and not doing much on Mastodon for a few days.

We have our connections, and acting on the “assumption” that our audience is there, we send something out into the aether and giddily await reactions.

We do not actively seek out our friends: “Hey, how are you? Got time for a coffee to talk about stuff?”
No, we act as if we are on a stage, we await reactions, and we react.
We perform.
We perform the initial action, and we perform the reactions.
It’s the same across all platforms, not just Facebook, but also Mastodon, and of course Instagram, Twitter, MeWe, Tsu and all the other garbage heaps too.

Social networks make us (more) asocial.
Social networks aren’t for us (people).

We are social animals.
We, once, needed the group, the tribe, to survive:
Loners died. Groups thrived.

It is engrained in our genes, that we need a group. Our friends, our family, our tribe, our people.
But because today (read: current times) it is harder to maintain friendships (full time employment, separated by many kilometres, different life choices [f.e. kids vs. no kids], ever shifting and expanding ‘tribal’ landscapes, etc.) we *could* use social media as a crutch, as an add on.

But this add-on has become full on bloat-ware that is now taking over the entire system.

People have shifted their entire lives into social media, they are always on, always available (except when asleep).
Which I find highly disturbing.
Which, incidentally, is only adding to my decision to kill all my Facebook and Google related stuff, and limit my Mastodon time.

If I want to scream into the void and wait for any reactions, I’m doing it on my blog. (Or I’d go to a comedy club on stage.)

But I’m done with social media. It is asocial. It has taught me that.
I noticed that I have become a shittier friend, and I’ve seen this happen to other people as well: Be seen. Be seen seeing.
But I don’t want to be an actor on a stage receiving attention at the speed and value of a Like/Fav/RT/mention/etc.
I want REAL connections; conversations – even digital – but not over an eavesdropping service that finds ways to insert itself and sabotage the entire thing.

No thanks.

Whatever you do out there, take care,
A.

Viva la revolucion?

As you may or may not know, in this day and age you are dead to the world if you’re not social networking at some place.
That is especially true, and important, if you, like me, need to lure unsuspecting souls to your den where they’re…err…I mean, if you need to advertise your blog, and engange in conversations.

Well. This is the root of the problem for me. As you by now know, I am bad at advertising, and as you might have guessed, I suck at being social.
But that is not the point of this post.

This is about the social networking sites out there, and their flaws. So, shall we?

Facebook, the obvious contender, is swarming with a crapzillion people.
People of all coleur, age, sex and gender. Anti Vaxxers, Muslim terrorists, Christian proto Terrorists, and a crapton of idiots more. The “groups” are tacked on, treated like a wart, and not noteworthy. The app is less an app but more of a spy tool. Hastags suck on Facebook, as they were poorly ported from twitter.
“Facebook, our motto is: eat shit – 5 trillion flies can’t err.”

google+, although finally buzzing with life, it is not that well received. And it never will replace FB, why? Because it’s mandatory!
Wanna use YouTube? Google+
Wanna have a Birthday mural? Google+
People don’t like stuff that is mandatory. Even though this has groups, it stinks because of the mandatory nature. If school was optional, not mandatory, there’d be no bullies, kids would love it, and they’d learn. Think about that google, think about that….

Twitter, the site that made hastags popular! That is what I love about this. What I hate? THE BLEEDING CHARACTER LIMIT! Who came up with this shitty idea? I accept that the length of the message needs to be restricted, but the length that you’re giving us, is too friggin’ short!
Also, no groups.

Tumblr, why do you people hate groups?
Really, I’m flipping over this. Back on MySpace, bevore the revolutionaries castrated it, you had friggin groups. Public ones, private ones. What do the most popular sites have in that respect – nill. Facebook has tacked it on like a second head, google+ doesn’t know that group content should stay in the bloody group and not on my general timeline, twitter has nothing of the sort, and tumblr….oh….back on track

Tumblr, good for pictures, good for porn. There’s really not much else I can say about it.
Except maybe WHERE ARE GROU…search functions are good, and the tags can be followed.

LinkedIn, Frak this spooky shite!
Without giving that thing permission to search my contacts or anything, it suggests to me some teachers from my evening school.
So far, so scary, but good.
But then, out of no where, without me disclosing ANY details to my workplace, it suggests a member of the management team as a connection.

Frak no!

I am not working someplace where you could say it fits my interests. I’m working at my office because it brings me money.
Period. So how it got that information about me, I do not know.

Other than the spooky nature, it is a decent site. It has groups. Check. It has a search function. Check. It looks right, but feels wrong. At least to me.
Thank the gods for the use of an Alias!

Path, it’s funny you know? I could be classified as a hoarder. WordPress shows me that it can publicise to Path, I need to have path.
But there are issues I have with this. Search function, is well, hidden. Hashtags, unless you have those hashtags in your timeline, frak the hashtags. It says that there are no results. (And #comedy should be around somewhere. Right?) There is no desktop version of this crap. None. What so ever. So you have to use the app, and it looks & feels broken. Or unfinished. Anyone interested in connecting with me on Path? Just message me…I’m so lonely on Path…

VK, leave me alone. I do not want to give you my phone number. Sod off.
Besides, once you DO give up your number it is filled with Russians. So unless you can read Russian, this is no place to go.

MeWe, now here is a serious revolutionary.
A patient revolutionary.
Privacy, check.
Groups, check.
You can even set your profile for each group individually. Customisability, somewhat check. There is a search function and it is easy to grasp. The (android) app is sadly still in development, so the function to browse open groups is only available in web version, but hey. Good things take time. Unlike,

Tsū, which is a rushed, and now broken beyond repair, revolutionary.
The buzz was loud and far spread. People flocked to Tsū and it seemed as if the revolution against Fecesbook was finally taking place: Hashtags? Yes. Search function? Yes. Revenue back to the users as promised? Nope!
Only reposts; reposts of reposts of reposts got you some dough. Original content, which was supposed to be the shit on there – no money. What about group…frak it.
There’s still a few people and advertisers on there, but the masses have deserted, or defected, the “huge” revolution. Needless to say, I had joined the band wagon, for during the last revolution, I had stuck to the old, the losing side. Which brings me to,

MySpace, no. I’m not talking about the Capon that is left now after the Facebook revolution.
The old one.
The one where you had your blog, your groups, your friends, your friends newsfeed, your music, and 100% customisable profile all rolled into one.
THAT was dope. But then people left. Groups disappeared. Not the people of the groups until they faded into obscurity mind you, but the group function – poof. Gone. The revolution had struck: the king is dead, long live the king. Mark usurped Tom.
And why? Because we hate convenience (all in one), and like change (something shiny and new). We hate individualism (100% customisable profile on MySpace), and love conformity (back in the day not in the least customisable profile on FB; Not that the top image is that dope on customisability…).
What is left now is a poor haunting ghost of the former MySpace. The Logo is still there, but the rest – crap. And the app is matching the crappyness.

Well, you will see me around. On all of the above. If there are new ones, I will try them out, ad them to my collection of social networks.
Suggestions are always welcome, and connections as well. Have a nice one,
A.

PS: To give you an idea of how dead the revolutionary tsū is, here’s a screenshot:
image

If even the advertiser rats are leaving, it is a sure sign that the boat is not only sinking, but already sunk to rest next to the Titanic…

Shamelessness

Or: Why I suck at marketing

This is about my apparent inability to generate more views or followers for my blog. (Christmas Calendar not withstanding, that time was great, thank you people. Be prepared for X-Mess 2015!)

Let me get one thing out of the way before you shake your head in disgust and surf on: I’m not measuring my success with Likes or Followers.
They give me validation, yes.
But I get much more validation through views.

Why?

I read and watch a lot of stuff on the net, without handing out ‘likes’, yet I’ve read or watched it.
I even come back to read/watch more, culminating in me ‘following’.
This can go on for ages without me handing out a single ‘like’.
Views therefore mean much more to me than the occasional ‘likes’. (“You’ve seen it, you can’t unsee it!”)

This bit is about my apparent inability for shameless self-promotion.
In many groups I have joined online, no matter where (facebook, google+, MeWe, etc.) an Author hirself will show up and be like:

No_one-EvarHeardOf posted: From the acclaimed writer of the brilliant Theobald Quincy Cockburn-Hutzenbrutzen novels, the incandescentMy-Intestines-burn trilogy, comes the new bold part 1 of 5000, in the excitingly fiery series 51 shades of beige!

And I just can’t do that.
No one knows my name, no one gives a frak. So why would, or should, I pretend to be an ‘acclaimed writer’? (Or something similar)
Close to no one (except you brave souls who dare venturing to my blog when a new story part comes out) ever heard of my writings. So citing them as a reference – moot.

I just can’t lie boldly in the face of a potential audience, to garner their interest. If I were to get paid for this, I’d feel like I swindled someone out of their savings! Unlike money, the time, I would steal from my (potential) audience, can not be returned. So I have even greater reservations, from just going online and boldly claim shit, that I think is only true inside my head!

Pride in one’s accomplishments is completely justified, but if you’re a relatively unknown individual – do not assume a title like ‘acclaimed writer’, nor praise your own work as the greatest thing since the pyramids.
That makes you look like a complete Schmuck!

(And that, by the way, is why the Schmucks always get great view counts, good sales and great advertising cash, while most honest writers dwell in dirt, and their schmucky heirs later bathe in cash…or honest Schmoe turns into douchy Schmuck)

Yes, dear readers.
This is the reason why, if you came here following one of my ever repetitive social network posts, or discovered one of them, that post sounded sorta lame, and why there only will be equally lame posts.
I will not dash out there posting “From the fresh new writer yourstruly, comes the deeply philosophical, beloved story: Mr. Zed!”

“From the acclaimed writer of the philosophical Zombie Masterpiece Mr. Zed, here’s the highly brain tingling ‘Whose World’ series!”

Take care, and avoid the flyin bovine waste,
A.

PS: I think what bothers me almost as much as the airborne bovine waste distribution methods (aka Bullshit flyong around), is these people are talking in third person of themselves. Only royals (do I need to go there?) and crazy people do that. I ain’t crazy enough for that. (Yet!)

New Tech Rage

So I upgraded to a newer and better (and bigger) Samsung Smartphone.

First glance, I’m loving it!

Second glance, still loving it, but I’m working hard to get all the standard shit out of the system. You know, pre installed ring and notification tones, data mining garbage and so on.

On the third glance, I’m asking myself what kind of deranged lunatic designed the new operating system. (Android 4.4.2)

You see, I’m a writer, so on my tablet I write my stories and other material. (Used to do that on my phone before I got the tablet.)
On my cell, I keep my log (diary if you will). And sometimes I write my stuff on my cell.
In either case, I press SAVE choose the external SDCard, choose the directory, give it a file name and done.
When already saved once, just save after opening it.
I couldn’t find my folders when I had hit save. Not even the infamous “extSDcard”.

Immediately one thought sprang to mind: Bug!

Saved it to “0”, had to copy it over to the SDCard, in the directory where it belonged, opened it, wrote a few lines, saved, aaaand
NOPE!

New Android security policies prevent Apps from writing to the SD Card!

“IT AIN’T A BUG, IT’S A FEATURE!”

When Microsoft said this, everyone shat their pants. When Android/Google says it, it’s accepted?

I was a little jealous when my wife’s tablet was updated to 4.4.2, and mine wasn’t, but now, I’m fracking glad!

Look here you numbskulls: I write in the App, save directly to my “extSdCard”, in case the device has an inconvenient mishap with a turbo drill, I just take out the SD card and put it in a new device.
Here, a small flow chart-ish display of what’s wrong:

Correct: App->Writing->Save to SD Card
Wrong: App->Writing->Save to 0->Copy to SD Card

I can’t save a file already in existence on the SD, so for any updates, I have to open the file, save it to “0” again, copy it to the SD again and replace the original. (or have file names like “FrackYouTwatfaces-1” and counting upwards…)

Now, I have to go and find a hack, a work around, SOME FRACKING WAY to save shit directly to SD!

So, what kind of nonthinking mouthbreather did this???
Give me a patch, an update, a crack, a hack – SOMETHING!

Whoever you are, I hope you live at leat to be 100 years old, while constantly bleeding from both eyes!

A.

Look up…or not.

When ever new technology or a new idea was introduced into a society, it caused turmoil.

It caused “old school” folks to prophesy doom. Always!
Look it up. Broad writing and reading skills introduced? “Young people can’t memorize things anymore. Society will be ruined.”
New vehicles going faster than 30 km/h? “A human body can’t take that velocity (for long). We’re doomed!”
TV? “It kills imagination. Kids don’t go outside anymore.”

And while it is true that video killed the radiostar (Artist over Art), the majority of these fears were unjustified and unwarranted.

So why on earth do social media and smartphones/Tablets(/GoogleGlass?) ruin our society?
Easy. They don’t.

Yes, Facebook, google+ and other social networks aren’t the same as talking with your friends, acquaintances and relatives in real life. But you ARE interacting with another human being (somewhere)!
You might not know any of your bazillion friends personally, but you do know them sort of. You are interacting with (some of) them on a daily basis.
From some 50 years ago up until recently (and still) people sat in busses and trams and subways with newspapers, or books, not interacting with anyone.
Just reading.

I’m a book buff myself, but if you break it down, sitting in the subway and reading a book is more antisocial than sitting there Fecesbooking someone!
Before you are an antisocial asshole not noticing people around you or anywhere else other than inside your head, keep your head down on that little screen.

Young people have social interactions with peers.
Period.
You don’t have to mingle with some one you might know well, but don’t like their hobbies and views on things, just because they are your age group and in your class. You communicate with people you get along with well. And if they are half a globe away – so what?

The entire “You are antisocial” campaign is a money thing people. Shelf that shit right away as a passing trend. New technology, new trends, new ideas have always brought forth the ones who felt uncomfortable with it, or just couldn’t get it.

Some day down the road I too will say that this new shit will ruin our society, because, let’s face it people, I’m not getting any younger, and my comfort zone will be broken. When you get a digital lens that connects with the internet and allows you to be online 24/7 even in your sleep, I will opt-out. But my son, or my grandchildren, probably won’t.
Remember what our parents said about the new things we had as kids and teens? Right. Now think about your stance on the current technology.

Don’t let the fad of some people who want to seem edgy, cool and rebellious, while at the same time being conservative -ish fool you. Although you might have 4.000.621 friends on facebook, and not know a single one of them personally, you have contacts. You are NOT alone.
And if you feel down and blue, and in desperate need of personal interaction, there are people around you. Go to a pub, a sports event, there are colleagues and relatives.
It ain’t that hard, but don’t jump the train of stupid.

Take care, and talk to each other at least once in a while.
A.

Jumping from Space

(please note: most of this stuff was written shortly after the SpaceJump…btw: any productnames that AREN’T real by this day, I hereby claim intellectual ownership of the name!)

Since Felix Baumgartner’s spacejump I concluded, Apple should jump the trend of corporate space exploration.

Since RedBull has a better space program than NASA or ESA – at least people wise – I’m convinced with all the money Apple has, it could come up with even greater stuff for future generations, and the Hipsters can say “I liked space before it was cool!” (to which all the trekkies out there will reply with the Vulcan hand greeting “No, WE liked space before it was cool”).

But seriously.

If apple went to space they could have all kinds of cool Apple branded shit floating around. Their spacestation (for wealthy tourists) could be called iSpace or iOrbit, and communication with earth is done via iTalk.

Their version of a shuttle will be the iFly.

They even could take over SETI and smuggle it in the background of iTunes, the feature cannot be turned off and will be called iAlien. It sorts through the space signals, much like Seti, but the user will never know whether his computer helped in finding shit. The iAlien will also be included in all Apple products that have an internet connection: iPod, iPad, iPhone.

But I digress.

The toilet aboard iSpace will be designated iCrap, right before you go on a space walk in the apple branded and designed spacesuit iWalk.

You can also reach the new mothership via a space elevator called the “iLift”.

BUT!

This is only the first station along the way to deeper space. Commercial lunar colony “iMoon” will be the next step along the way to “iMars”. Air supply in all of these stations will be called “iBreathe”, and in the greenhouses of the stations on Moon and Mars they have iTrees, that grow iFood!

First Apple has to sponsor another crazy man jumping from the edge of space and call the event “iBasejump”.

Where and when was it conceived that Corporations should go into space? Especially corporations that would take REAL exploration and commercialize it?

RedBull would have cameras EVERYWHERE, and life broadcast every thing that happens on the RedBull spacestation via their own TV channels. Apple would call everything “i-“, as showed above. “Hey we found an unusual rock in the plains of mars, we call it the iRock”. Their logo feces would be smeared EVERYWHERE.

If this continues, soon we’ll have a commercial spacestation called “iSpace” orbiting earth in the shape of bitten apple, waking the unnerving feeling of a deathstar pointed at earth in some of us.

Why do the US cut NASA’s budget into little bits and spends a multitude of that money on fucking airconditioning in the fucking desert?

Just the airconditioning! Not war assets or something, just the fucking airconditioning! You know, if it’s too hot – DON’T GO THERE! Drop your bombs and sod off.

No we leave space exploration to corporations.

You can map out where these corporations will settle on mars already! Some Linux/Unix corporation will camp inside Olympusmons, not only might some still present geothermal heat provide power for them, but the mountain shields them from radiation – which will come down to Mars’ surface since there ain’t a Magnetosphere – plus, they will not have to build any Windows …

Hard competition at Olympus Mons with fucking apple who would rename the mountain for the “iMars” station into “iVolcano”…

Redbull would stage races in the asteroidbelt together with NASCAR, just for shits and giggles.

Operating from their Martian Orbital jumping station.

I can totally see RedBull hogging shit from the Red Planet in heart beat. Just as I can see Apple smearing its Brand logo in the rusty red martian sand.

Now the only corporation hellbent on settling on Venus – a planet so inhospitable we named it after the goddess of love – will be Microsoft.

Why?

Because they love harsh conditions.

Windows IS a harsh condition!

The first three attempts to land a probe will end in the thing freezing up, the fourth and fifth will veer off course the sixth, seventh and eighth will burn up and/or crash the ninth, as they are settling for just a lunar colony, will be a triumphant success. Everything will go on just like that.

Meanwhile NASA and ESA will announce that they have discovered a new fuel and promptly get sued by apple because the molecular structure of that fuel looks like an iPad.

Samsung and Google wont bother with the Inner Solarsystem and go right for a cutting edge base on planetoid Pluto.

Just watch out for the Apple Mothership in the shape of a bitten-off Apple, because our fears were correct – it IS a deathstar…