Posts tagged ‘Hippy’

BTH – ASMR…

Why is this even a thing?

These are people who do not know how to use a microphone: they’re breathing into one as if they wanted to either swallow, or make sweet sweet love to it.
That is NOT how you use a mic, dumbass.

I’m not one to deny others their kink, far from it, but you wankers want the “girlfriend experience” – without the “experience” part.
You see, afaik, some prostitutes offer “the girlfriend experience” (for extra of course), and then you get cuddling, kissing, sweet talk, and what not (I imagine). There you get an actual experience.
With this crap you get no experience.

If I were one to go on business trips around the globe, so when I lay my weary CEO head down to cry on a cushion stuffed with stacks of cash while I pleasure myself to sleep, my beloved trophy wife is not able to lull me through it on the phone thanks to timezones, I’d have her breathe into a mic for half an hour, nude, and then play that video back to me.
I am not.
These people are not near and dear to me.
On the polar opposite.
They are complete and utter fraking strangers!
Making all of this a little creepy…

I would almost understand this, if it were porn [porn-porn. Not this brain-porn crap that someone equated this bullshit to]:
A naked chick (or guy, what have you), giving an imaginary protagonist (the camera) a POV girlfriend experience.
With sweet talk, breathing into a microphone, sensual descriptive talk about what they ‘are doing’ with you, complete with ‘noise’.

But this is people breathe-talking in the most annoying fashion possible [not whispered, not spoken, but the dimwitted bastard offspring of the two, that’s too loud and pronounced to be soothing or comfortable, but too low and hushed to be easily intelligible], making noise too close to the microphone [if I for example were to crave the sound of a girl brushing her long long hair, I want to hear it like normal people hear it, not the way a mic taped to the back of the brush picks it up!], and saying the most ridiculously mundane crap ever [if you have no one in your life you can talk about bowel movements with, stop the ASMR, quit your busy job and get friends and/or a spouse, because that is what you NEED]!

Get outta here!

But note, after this election I understand everyone who needs to get relaxed in any way shape or form.

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Life ain’t that hard, gardening

Having a garden, or sufficiently large balcony to pot some plants, might get you to try your hand at gardening.
But if you listen to the people who do it, it sounds like fraking rocket science. Especially the hippy type characters who run a gardening blog or shit like that.

Life ain’t that hard, it’s simple. Really it is, plants have been on land longer than any animal has, so that shit knows how to propagate, right?

Step 1 – take your seed or seedling that you obtained from a trusted source of your discretion, put it in soil. Boom. Finished.
Step 2 – care for it like you would a pet. Give it some daylight (you’ll either figure it out how much, or have just one option on your balcony), plenty of water (don’t drown it, don’t dry it up) and
Step 3 – feed it. Yes, feed it. Fertiliser! Either purchase some of your choosing, or make your own (kitchen scraps, anything that decomposes but if you are smell aware, don’t use meat, diary products or the like. Plants are essentially cannibals.)
Step 4 – Plants. Reap your harvest, or enjoy your pretty flowers, what have you.
Step 5 – Rinse and Repeat. Unless you have perennials.

There, saved you a ton of browsing through the internet and getting confused by the Hippies. If anyone tries to shove shit down your pipe about gardening, referr them to this list.
Consise, and true.

PS:
Step 6 (throw it in there somewhere) – Pest control. Unless you are running a farm, trie and use natural pest control. ladybugs eat mites. Salt kills and deterrs snails. And so on. Don’t whip out the “nukes” unless you make a living off of your gardening.

Have fun,
A.

Addendum to the Hippies…

A well known theatre (actors on a stage) in my country is in dire need of renovations. To rake in donations they started an advertising campaign (with a rather unsettling image):

The woman in the picture (in others it’s a man) has no eyes, but skin stretched over the place where eyes should be. The slogan goes something like this: “Whether you want to see it, or not. No renovation. No theater. Let’s do something.”
Okay. Sad, but okay.

So far, so good.

Then someone took a sharpie (or edding) and wrote on the forehead of the woman on the ad the following

“So much injustice…
so many wars…so much lunacy…
whom is caring for theatre then?”

I know it isn’t supposed to say “whom” but I wanted to carry the grammatical error over from german, and this is the best I could come up with. So that would be issue number one with that graffity.

Number 2: Injustice? Wars? Lunacy? That’s business as usual you numbskull!
We need theatre (and it’s successors “Movies”, “TV”, “Gaming”, “Internet”) as a form of escapism. I’d rather live in a world with injustice, wars and lunacy that has these escapsims in it, than a world with absolute peace, equality and sense that has NO (performing) arts!

Theatre (and it’s successors) not only provide relief from the world we have to endure, but also serve as a projection of our dreams. Even IF we were to have peace, equality and sanity in the world, all of the world, we still have dreams, dreams that can’t be fulfilled.
For example: No magic, no starships (yet), so we need a projector.

We need and want drama, we need it to satisfy our basic emotional responses. We want it in order to feel empathy.
To remind us why we are doing what we are doing. In that perfect world this hippy scribbler indirectly demands, we will soon suffer from a lack of empathy, as there is no suffering, thus we become indifferent.
That’s were drama comes in.
In the world we live in right now, we need drama to remind us that there are solutions to things. To hone our empathy, and transport that empathy from the play (etc.) out into the real world.

Theatre (and so on) satisfies our need for human interaction, even if we are a social introvert, we are still hardwired to NEED it, and this is a basic need served. An introvert who can’t speak to people, still can feel (empathy wise) the entire emotionrange due to these projections.

So you god damn hippy, we need theatre (and so on), as escapism, as honing for our empathy, as distraction, as levitation, as projection. We need to dream, to hope, to aim, to reflect, to think, but also to shut down our mind and let things unfold without us interfering.
For thousands of years there was theatre as entertainment in one way or another.
Denying that it is a basic human need to entertain and be entertained, is even more crippling to society and our development,than injustice, wars and lunacy together.

With that said, here the stumbling block:

CreepyTake care, peace
A.

PS: Yes, she looks like something lifted from a creepypasta…

The Organic Farm

Well, they had a party and an open invitation at a “local” organic farm.

So we went there.

If I disliked “organic” before, I officially hate that crap now.

Basic semantics aside (EVERYTHING is organic/biological, if it weren’t, it would’ve oozed into our reality from some other universe) I believe i cracked their secret.

Class A goods (for example Apples) are sent off to stores as normal goods.
B grade and less qualified products are covered in dirt and grime, called “organic”, and sold for a fortune! Although it’s just the regular crap, just slightly less A grade.

Thanks to an Ex of mine I know how pork tastes sometimes.
As a city boy I knew pork only as what most of us know it. But if you buy the cheap pork, you have a certain “porky” flavour to it.
Here my Ex comes into the picture.
She was living in the country side and we occassionally drove by pig farms. You know that porky flavor?
IT’S PIG SHIT!
That’s the intense, rural, porky flavor.

I had a pork Schnitzel at the organic farm. Guess what taste was coming through? Right…ORGANIC. Expensive, organic porky, rural, pig shit flavor you get from cheap pork.

Now I also know that I fracking hate hippies!

I agree on their ideals, on the philosophy – but I’d like to strangle them in public!

“Yes, uhm Lemonaid lenonade please.” *barkeep gets it to her* *takes a sip* “This is carbonated! ”
“Yes, it’s lenonade!”
*returns 20 seconds later* “do you have a non refrigerated one, this one’s too cold.”
“Sorry ma’am, they’re stored cold and brought here to be on display in the fridge.”
I would’ve told her to hold it in her hands to warm it up, shake the damn bottle to get rid of the carbon acid, but that would involve “animal” labour, so it wouldn’t be vegan…besides, this crazy nut hat a Ché Guevara face ironed/sewn to the back of her jacket, over her shoulderblade, right where the strap of her bag was tearing on it.
So she is in support of a man who ordered executions on people who did not share his ideals, who ordered non-revolutionary workers to do hard labor in a camp?
Or more likely she’s anti establishment, but doesn’t know jackshit about Ché. Or only the good bits.

Speaking of anti establishment.
You organic nutjobs – you created an INDUSTRY. It is not organic anymore if it has to be driven cross country. The carbon foot print the so called “organic” shit leaves behind is so big that all organic-ness is fading away.
It isn’t possibly organic, if the interests of an INDUSTRY are at stake.

You want organic food?
Farm it!
You can’t, but want it? Find someone who DOES farm it! No, not the supermarket, again, not organic: just the regular shit, covered in dirt.
I mean like a friend. Or a small local farmer.
But not an industry.

Next up, in line at the organic supermarket on site, I see a stand from some woman who looks like she hadn’t seen fun since 1969, and on display, amongst other “goods”, was a DVD:

“We’re not vaccinating!” – well good. I hope you’re going to catch every disease there is a vaccine against. You, your spouse and your kid(s), whom you try and “protect” from poisoning due to vaccination…YOU DIM WITTED BAFOONS!

Don’t any of you dare and say that your kids didn’t get sick. Just DON’T!
There are only vaccinated people around your kid, including you, where should your kid get an infection from? Yes we need the vaccinations to KEEP the current level of infection free societies. Or even to eradicate certain diseases all to gether.
BTW: Vaccines aren’t antibiotics. In NO current vaccine is mercury an ingredient. Vaccines DO NOT cause autism, seizures, cancer, leukaemia or anything else.
Maybe a little fever. Not more.

Your kid is in special school, because your kid has always been that way, not because vaccinations brain damaged your kid.
Period.

If you believe any of the anti-vaccination propaganda, your fault. If you spread it, I believe you deserve to be beaten. If you then say “You people who vaccinate don’t love you children, because you inject them with poison!” I believe we can take custody of your kids away AND beat you.
We love our children and we give them vaccinations BECAUSE we love them. No illnesses should harm our kids. We do not believe in voodoo shit saving our kids from weird viruses.
Look, incense does not ward off viruses, weed helps in pain relief and some other stuff, but not in cases we have vaccines against.
They finally got an ebola vaccination.
If ebola was around you, would you refuse that vaccination too because it is poison?

One final thing about that. (And I know I piss off a lot of people with this, including friends of mine) If ANYONE tries to tell you ebola and aids are lies and they are only sideffects of vaccinations – lunacy. If someone says that ebola and HIV are developed viruses from some (US)lab – plausible.
Stupid and paranoid, but at least plausible.

No. Stop resisting, and show that you love your kids, and get them vaccinated against all the diseases that might end their lives or cause them misery (measels, rota, mumps, small pocks, and so fracking on).

Conclusions:
No more organic farms for me.
No organic lies for me.
No hippies around me.
Take care, peace!
A.

T minus 3

RAINBOWS!!!Rainbow faucet/showerhead.

Keeping with the hippy and shroom tradition, this will blow you into a new layer of consciousness! The LED rainbow showerhead! If you are bored by the dull, ever constant way the water trickles down to your body – here’s a solution for all you kids who were conceived by hippies, and who got used to LSD while in the womb and through breastmilk!

Honestly people, if you spend so much time in the shower you need soothing colors to take your mind to a new dimension – you have more pressing concerns to occupy your mind with….like paying the water bills! You’d have to work three jobs, AND prostitute yourself to maintain your shower bills, and you need more shower time to wash off that dirty feeling.
A viscous circle.

The ideal gift for your beloved Ex, make her feel the beautiful pain of rainbows…

T minus 4

Peace of bread?Organic peacebread.

Created in honor of the 2008 international peace conference at Rosecastle.

Really? I recon that if you create such a piece of peace you give it to the participants of the conference. You sell it there and THEN. But now five years on, this is ridiculous.

Besides, do they really think this “peace” of bread will change anything? If it did, it would be illegal.
Especially if it had any weed in it, like I would make a “Peace Bread”. 😉

Give this to the aging hippie in your family, you all have at least ONE in your family…

(The only instance in which you are grammatically ALLOWED to confuse “peace” and “piece”)