Posts tagged ‘intelligent’

Consumer protection done (almost) right…

As reaction to:
https://futurism.com/missouris-meat-law/

Missouri passed a law that prohibits the use of the term “meat” for anything that didn’t come from an animal.

Which is great!

If it isn’t meat, don’t call it meat!

If it is plums, you wouldn’t call it apples, now would you?
(Side rant: Why are these fucking cretins in the vegan crowd bitching and moaning about Trumps ‘Alternative Facts’, whilst living with alternative facts of their own? I don’t get it!)

It is that simple. idgf what you call it, but it is false labeling, more accurately, consumer fraud if you call Not-meat, meat.

It is this entire false labeling crap that must end:
It is soy juice, almond drink, grain water. Be honest.

It is NOT milk, nor is that other shit meat. Not even a convincing approximation.

You’re vegan? Good. Own that shit, and be honest about it to everyone, including yourself. Don’t pretend to be eating meat, if it is just crushed almonds, textured and colored in a way, that is a vague approximation.

Wash your almond-slab down with some Soy-juice.

But, as always, there is a catch, this decision also stinks of antiscienceism:
Labmeat IS meat.

May not have been alive recently (at least in the traditional terms) but it IS meat. Fear of GMOs and science in general is stinking through this otherwise intelligent decision.

Still.

A win for common sense.

A victory against consumer fraud.

Take care,

A.

PS: in my country there had been a huge scandal a few years back about “analogue cheese”, everyone and their aunt were up in arms over this. Today, they sell the same shit as Vegan cheese. It is NOT cheese, be honest.

Crappy Birthday in September

​http://www.smartbe.co/

Introducing Smartbe, the smart stroller for dumb people who shouldn’t have children, let alone be left alone with them.

This thing can be controlled via app, on your “I’m-a-certified-moron”-watch or your smart phone. It then will follow your every move, always staying a certain distance away from you, so you can jog (an activity for idiots, especially on paved ground), or take calls and stroll around like a squirrel on speed (always shadowed by that stroller which is creepy), hunt down, mercilessly attack and catch imaginary critters in the park, or just walk without touching the darn thing – god forbid, you could form an emotional bond with the small entity inside (hey you handsfree-bimbo, now you can reacher over and “touch” ME!)

The fondle-a-stranger-friendly distance to stroller and child, the emotional cold so to say, is continued in other features of this space age stroller: 

¤In case you are so distanced to your parasitic offspring that you walk away from the stroller/pram with the baby inside, you can get an alarm, on your phone! I’m sure it will not be tripped by the twenty people who check if the child is alright while you let some dude ‘plow your fields’ around the next bush. 

¤Your child might be chilly or exposed to too much wind/sun? No problem, just close the canopy on the little fucker from the app, no need to get too close!

¤Curious how your child is doing? Forget bending over and looking, you might catch a whiff of those nasty baby smells, just look at your brat through the camera! Best part, your child won’t ever even know you just looked at it – it will remain frightened, crying and desperate for some warm human interaction. 

I must admit, the seatheater and the bottle warmer are innovative ideas for a pram, but the rest?

Look people, life ain’t that hard: if you have kids your pre-child activities are restricted, or put on hold for a few years. You wanna jog or fondle strangers in the park? Do it while your partner has the kid, or a nanny, or a grandmother (they usually beat other people to spend time with their grandchildren). 

But, do not take them with. 

Especially in a fucking pram that is (will be) presumably powered by the same kind of Lithium Ion batteries that lit up a few “hoverboards”. 

There are easier, less idiotic and cheaper ways to kill your baby. Or give it up for adoption.

Or better yet – do not have a child, your genes deserve no chance of being passed on.

Crappy Birthday.

Life ain’t that hard, love.

Since I’ve been reading in the newspaper recently about a new “edgy” dating show on TV, where the single individual and the applicants to win her heart, are all blindfolded and kiss, so she can, in the end, select one of the kissers based on his “oral”skills, despite never having seen one of them nor knowing anything about their personality, I have decided to break out the old advice column.

Look people, finding love isn’t that hard, to find someone to date, follow these simple instructions:

♥”To know where you’re going, you must know where you come from.”, meaning: define your own fucking interests! Write that shit down if you have to. (For example: “I like wading through manure naked, bathing in swine intestines and reading racist manifestos of psychotoc mass murderers.”)
♥Your standards are not everything. If you are single for a considerably long time (5+ years, I’d say; a year and a half is a hiatus, not a drama) and you desperately want to change it, but can’t seem to find the right one, maybe the problem isn’t “them”, but you and your standards. Tweak them. (For example, if you are looking for a super nerdy Taylor Swift lookalike that is into fat older guys whose most romantic activity is taking long walks on the beach in warcraft, and could name every character ever in Star Trek, Star Wars and Dr.Who – give up.)
♥Now that you have your interests and tweaked standards ready, go out. Meet people (of your preferred gender) and talk to them. During online dating just make sure that you’re chatting with whom you think you are. (Video chats are a thing.)
♥Do not fuck right away! Sure before you eventually invest a ton of time in the other person, or even consider marriage, you want to know whether they are any good in bed. On the second or third date. For the first one the following applies: You can kiss, but no fucking.
That’s desperate, or cheap. Which brings me to…
♥”I’m running this monkey farm now Frankenstein, and I want to know what the fuck you’re doing with my time?!” Meaning, don’t waste everybody’s time. You need someone who has brains. Let’s be honest, the purchase and maintenance of a blowup(fuck)doll is cheaper in the long run, than supporting a bimbo (of any gender) that looks good, but is dumber than dog shit floating on piss, who is good for one thing, and one thing alone – intercourse.
♥Times goes by. Do not rush things. If you get pregnant right away, or married after a month or two of you two meeting – shit might hit the fan! Take your time!
♥Pink glasses – it may irritate you if a jaded old frak like me says this, but of you don’t have the pink glasses feeling, you ain’t in love. Additionally, once the pink glasses feeling fades away, and the shininess of the relationship has been replaced by the same old routine, and you still couldn’t live without the other person – congratulations! That, is love.

There. Fixed that problem before it could fester and give you an inflammation of the heart. One last thing: a healthy, stable relationship needs trust, effort and work. You’ll need to compromise on many things, and share both laughter and tears.

Addendum:
Now I know that none of these “dating shows” are real. They’re highly scripted mini series depicting people with various damages to their psyche. But the idea(l)s and themes they transplant into people’s heads are real, and the consequences are. 
Stop watching any of this gobshite.

Take care, A.

Life ain’t that hard: Politics

Here we go again…

I’m all in favor of democracy, but I hate idiocracy, which is the system currently in place, I sadly have to say. Drooling, uninformed idiots electing Schmucks who are less inteligent and informed than the idiots who elect them.

But fear not my fellow people, I have solutions!

Step 1: no more voting with 16! I mean seriously, what was I interested in at 16?
Tits! If you’re a sixteen year old, you should be listening to your raging hormones, not raging old folks!
Step 2: mandatory tests before elections. For both the candidates and the people – you wanna vote? You need to know shit. Current shit. Political shit. Shit you should know through osmosis, just by being alive, and watching the news at least once or twice a week.
Step 3: ignorance is a bliss! We never get to see the people we elect. Why? Politics has devolved from an argument based campaign to a popularity contest. Admitted most, of the scarecrows we have as leaders are anything BUT pretty faces, but still, you ask why someone voted for Joseph KillAJew “He has so pretty eyes!” And youre just standing there “what does that have to do with anything?”
Step 4: bound by blood…err..signature. Since we have informed people only voting now, who have a concept of “in ten years”, and no one ever saw the people we vote for, it is time to form an opinion! Candidates (and partys) have to sign a binding contract, that, in case they are elected, they will do everything in their power to fulfill their agenda. And their agenda has to be included in said contract. That’s the lies they currently tell us, only in this system, they’re bound to it, and if they neglect to even try – pay time! Massive monetary loss for the candidate/party and a ten legislations ban on competing again! (Yes, 50 years. Deal with it!)

This should, at least temporarily, fix the problem. No more idiots, no more pretty eyes, no more lies, no more teen favors. Real politics. Real people.
Period.

Here’s a little something to pin up in the voting booth:

DO YOU KNOW?
DO YOU REALLY KNOW?
ARE YOU SURE?
ARE YOU ABSOLUTELY SURE?

Just remember, we only get a government as good as its people, and therefore we can say only one thing: We’re fracked!

Wedding bells…

…well dear audience, I’m writing this in advance, because today is my wedding day!

Today the most wonderful,  beautiful and intelligent woman I can ever hope to meet, will wed way below her level, and become my wife.

So, today there will be no hatred and poison dripping post, no rant about stuff that only kindergarteners and old farts find worth ranting about, no pun ridden blurp that is making you question both my sanity and my IQ.

No.

Today is my wedding day, and today all you got was this post, not even a T-Shirt. 😉 Today there should be ripples of love vibrating through the air, not emissions of anger.

So today, on my wedding day, let me say: Thank you!
Thanks for reading my rants, comedic blurps, and especially thank you for reading my stories.

Hope you have had a nice 4th April 2014!

Take care,
A.