Posts tagged ‘jewish’

Crappy Birthday in March

Holy freak, I almost forgot about you folks needing this month’s birthday presents.

Here it comes, the costume to end all costumes, the cosplay to end all cosplay.

For 28 Euro you can look like a carcinogenic piece of pork. (With a smile that fills every creep with envy)
Ideal gift for your Jewish or Muslim friends, or their elderly relatives. Or yours if you’re from a faith forbidding pork.
A hearty laugh will be had in any case.

Gift this, our present yourself in this at any gift giving occasion this month, if you love to frak with people’s minds.
Drive them further towards, or further over, the edge. Redefine reality, and let them know, that you’re alive, and that they are too.
Whether they like it, our not.

Crappy Birthday,
A.

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What’s so special?

There is something I don’t get about the currently most fought over countries and territories on earth.

ISIS want’s to errect a califate in IRaq and Syria. Mostly consisting of DESERT.
BokoHaram wan’t an islamic state in Nigeria. Mostly consisting of DESERT.Isreal and the west bank – mostly DESERT!
Crusaders wanted the same territory currently being Israel – DESERT AGAIN!

I’m sorry to say this, christians, muslims and jews – you’re all NUTS! What do you want in the god damn desert? If I were to call a strip of land holy, it’d be a place filled with lush forests, rivers, mountains with glaciers on it, herds of boars, orchards that need little to no irrigation, etc. A litteral PARADISE! That would be my holy land, you nutjobs can keep your deserts.

What is there in the desert?
Loneliness?
You can get that in a lush forest or a mountaintop. For the love your gods and mother nature – fight over/for a REAL place to live! NOT THE GOD DAMN DESERT!

You wonder why some people view you religious people as totally insane lunatics? BECAUSE YOU FIGHT OVER SAND! Not for water, food, live giving resources, BUT SAND!
God is all nice and if you want to die for your belief, okay, but NOT TO LIVE IN THE DAMN DESERT!

So, unless you realise that the desert is no place to live (ever wonder why they go through regime’s in the middle east faster than through a pack of tictacs? DESERT!), your endeavours are doomed.

A.

Don’t eat shoes!

I have had enough!
SIMPLY and plainly ENOUGH!

If you are a Vegan and you keep quiet about it – good for you. You have my blessing.
If you are a Vegan and you keep soving it in everybody’s face – I wan’t to beat you with a hammer. You are just as annoying as these religous nuts who can’t shut up about god.
Hammertime!

No matter what kind of Vegan you are, there are a few Bullshit lines you can cross.
1. Bullshit line: Meat supplement. If you made the CONSCIOUS choice of eating only vegetables, an othing that was produced from animal (labour), there simply isn’t any meat. No burgers, no sausages, no nothing.
So if you are longing for a burger, you have to make the conscious choice to deny yourself the burger, and not fake it with a Tofu Burger. That is “I want to, but I can’t” and you need to stop. Either your will is strong enough to pull it through, or it isn’t. IF it isn’t, kill you conscience and pig out.
2. Bullshit line: If you are offended by the fact that Vegan Restaurants aren’t allowed to educate official cook apprentices. It’s simple, a cook apprentice needs to be ABLE to cook meat. It’s that simple. Therefore a Vegan restaurant can’t legally have an apprentice. Period. (Don’t get me started on “But Muslim/Jewish Cooks/Butchers don’t have to touch pork”. That’s different. Sort of, if you ask me, they should be forced to. YOU DON’T HAVE TO EAT THE PORK FRAKKERS! Just prepare my bacon, asshole!)
3. Bullshit line: This is the one that got me to write this post. DON’T EAT SHOES!
My wife stumbled upon an advert from Espirt: “Vegan Shoes” … I can’t even…what? YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO EAT THEM! What about Croq’s? They’re plastic, and therefore, VEGAN! Wanna know how oil (the base for plastic) came to be? Plankton, saturated with water, became entrapped and over time and pressure became oil. Plankton = plants! So – VEGAN! Still, don’t eat shoes. It doesn’t matter whether they have the “PETA-Vegan approved” sign or not. DO NOT EAT SHOES!

So, again, if you’re a Vegan – good for you. Stay strong and eat your produce. Steer clear of meat, and animal products, don’t fake out with tofu burgers and stuff, and DON’T EAT SHOES!

Take care,
A.