Posts tagged ‘lath’

LATH Hand washing

Recently they exchanged the old soap dispenser in our office.

Instead of the sleek old one, where you pulled the lever to get some soap out, we now have one to push and it squirts out some foam.

So far, so shitty.

But. Apparently they think we’ve gotten so dumb from computer virus infections WE got, that we don’t know how to wash our hands anymore, or as if we haven’t been taught in preschool and/or by our (grand)parents.

No. We stupid keyboard monkeys need PICTOGRAMS to show us!

Listen, life really ain’t that hard: soap, hands, rub, rinse. Unless you’re a surgeon, then it’s more complicated, but for the rest of us, this’ll do.

If you have any defense for the pictogram soap dispenser, keep it in a dark orifice of your body.
Grown people, working at an office, shouldn’t need this.
People who are old enough to make financial decisions/transactions at a mall, shouldn’t need this.
No-one who is old enough to go to the restroom alone, should have need of this!

But in light of recent news stories, SJW issues, election results, and the overall state the western world is in, I guess these pictograms don’t penetrate far enough in our society…

Take care,
A.

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Life ain’t that hard, Livestreams

Here’s how to do Livestreams:
Step 1: Don’t.
Step 2: “Hold on, you’re one of those blogging types, what could you possibly know about…”
Step 3: Shut your face and pay attention!

Livestreams are becoming increasingly popular in the last year(s).
Yes, I noticed.

And here’s where the problem arises.

It’s the whole soiled pants situation we had with TV back in the day – people having to schedule their lives according to the program.
Which was crap.
It’s why we invented the god damn VCR, to free ourselves from external schedules!
Decades later the internet was big enough, stable enough, fast enough.

Enter streaming.

We now coul watch what we want, when we want, and in some cases even where we want, in all shades of legality.

So why does anybody think it to be a great idea to make a bloody lifestream??
Again some Schmuck is making a schedule that others are supposed to bend to.
So here is
Step 4: Record that shit, edit it, upload it. Done.

Livestreams, frak that shit.

Take care,

A.

Lath eating

1. Open mouth
2. Stuff food in mouth
3. Chew. Preferably with mouth closed.
4. Swallow.
Repeat until sate (or no more food available)

See? Life ain’t that hard!

But that’s not the issue some (many) people have with eating. Life ain’t that easy?

☆What to eat?
It’s easy, really. Follow the standard food pyramid.
☆Should you go Vegan?
No.
Why? Because it is our omnivorous diet that allowed for the development of bigger brains in our ancestors. Unless you want a devolution in your descendants down the line, you should continue to eat meat.
Occasionally.
(BTW If you already are vegan, go for it. Own it. But do not make fake meat out of something. The processes involved in this, ruin all ‘value’ contained in your paste, add shit you couldn’t imagine and are surely as healthy as eating a pack of coal. Plus, you look like some cunt unable to follow a simple conviction: no meat or animal products!)
☆Superfoods?
There is no such thing as a superfood. If there were “Superfoods” on this lovely planet we call home, every asshole and their mother would be eating it since forever. No we wouldn’t need to ‘rediscover’ it, it would’ve never been suppressed! Healthy subjects are strong subjects, can fight in your army and pay taxes. It would’ve been in the interests of all churches, all monarchs and dictators, all governments and all peoples of the earth throughout history to consume “Superfoods”. They just don’t exist.
Deal with it.
☆Paleodiet!
No. Just, no. Whole grain is neat and all, but ruins teeth. You don’t want to be hungry and in pain, do you? By the way, unless you can show me wild mammoths to hunt, you ain’t doing paleo anything!
☆Some other diet then?
No. A diet (in the ‘lose weight’ sense) is starving your body of its reserves. Once you end it and go back to ‘normal’ eating habits, your body is in a regenerate-reserves mode, and will pack back on, in case the starving period starts again. That is natural. Change your diet (as in your eating habits), slightly, but permanently. AND EXERCISE!
☆Exercising isn’t bad!!
That is correct. If you do it right. Jogging on concrete sidewalks, for example, IS bad. For your joints and back. If the street next to which you run is a busy one, quit running, start smoking instead. About equally as healthy for you.
☆Moar workout!
Maybe. But as soon as you need to stop your exercising regime (due to sickness or injury for example), you will pack on, unless you restrict your calorie intake as well.

As with so many things, eating right is a question of moderation, not restriction. Consume vitamins in which ever way you prefer (there is no difference between those in pills and those in fruit, grow up), eat moderate amounts, and balance it. Do some exercise.

There. Still wasn’t that hard.
Take care,
A.

Life ain’t that hard, elections II

Not to beat a dead horse, but this democracy shit is getting out of hand.

No I do not advocate dictatorship or other totalitarian systems. But in recent elections (and runner ups to elections *ahem*US*ahem*) it has been demonstrated, REPEATEDLY, that the general public is too dumb to grasp the stuff they vote about.
Presidential elections ins Austria, BREXIT, Trump’s success…

Here’s a simple solution (you know I excell at these):
1.: Campaigns. Hold ’em, but keep facts straight and true, and for goodness’ sake – don’t show any of these mutant faces. No public appearances, no pictures of candidates/advocates/etc. Just plain text, no music, no people.
Emotionless speech in audio clips.
2.: Every person eligible for voting MUST pass a test before being allowed to participate in the election (or referendum). If they have any score lower than 80%, sorry, next time perhaps.
3.: For further preventing the derailment into an idiocracy refer to my last post about elections here.

Consise and simple, as usual.

Hope that helps,
take care,
A.

Life ain’t that hard, elections.

There has been an election in my country recently, I’m sure you heard.

I am not here to comment on the outcome, there are far better qualified people to do so. 
But I had the opportunity to observe insanity take on a new form.

No not the candidates whoring themselves out at every possible opportunity, nor the fact that one looks like a molding armadillo the other like a skinned weasel greased in oil.

It’s people taking pictures of their ticked (marked) ballots and posting them on social media!
So they are not just partaking in a democratic process, but also in mindless self-affirmation – getting “Bravos” from like minded folks, and pissing off the community of the opposing side.
Some even took the sweet time to strike through the other candidate(s). Wasting their own time, that of the people waiting to get into the voting booth, that of the people sitting there who in the end would have to count the clumsy attempts that made it impossible to scan electronically and have it counted that way.

Look people, life ain’t that hard, even in when voting in an election. It’s rather easy, here:

0. If you live in a proto-dictatorship you have to register to vote instead of being eligible to vote by default.
1. Go to the place where you can cast your vote. (Note: In a free and truly democratic country you need to show your ID to prevent voter fraud.)
2. You get a ballot and an envelope to take to the voting booth. (Note: No booth? Call inter-/national TV News, a booth will magically appear.)
3. Tick the box/circle next to the favored choice. Mostly there’s more than two choices (except in proto-dictatorship countries or special elections), so make sure you actually mark the right one.
4. After stuffing the ballot into the envelope, leave the booth and put it in the locked ballot box. (Note: if the lock is missing, or open, call inter-/national TV News and the police, take pictures of it, mail those to newspapers!)
5. You’re done! Take your ID, and the great feeling of having participated in a democratic process, go home and reward yourself with some icream or a prolonged jerk-off marathon.

No snapping pictures of your ballot. No drawing or writing on your ballot.
No anything except the TL;DR version of above list: Go in, tick a circle, stuff in box, leave.
Saves you time and effort, saves those coming in after you time and nerves, everyone wins.

Please do note: You can of course watch the first election results trickling in on the special news shows that day, but let me ask, why the hassle?
You have cast your vote. Everything else in this election, is now OUT OF YOUR HANDS!
Take a drink in a fancy bar, go out and eat, visit a brothel, inspect the crawlspace of your home. Have fun, or be productive.
But don’t sit there like a moron and watch the results as if you had to leave the country with hastily gathered belongings otherwise. If it has come to that point a wise person would go to vote, and then leave the fountry preemptively.

The next day, or two days later, the results will be final. Your nerves have not been stressed out, you had a relaxing day, and can take the news more relaxed that the shitheads you least wanted almost took over.

Take it easy. Life ain’t that hard.

Take care,
A.

Life IS that hard, cooking

Making Spaghetti. Starting with the sauce, onions are chopped to tiny bits, and put into the pot with the hot oil.
Letting them roast for juuust a tiny bit, then adding the minced meat.
Smell is already mouthwatering!

Wife yells from the adjacent living room: “Don’t forget the garlic!”
We have garlic. Lots of it. Peeled and put in the deep freezer. I turn off the stove, put the pot aside and get two cloves out, look for the garlic press – the one you put the cloves in, press minced garlic out by sheer muscle strength – and start pressing them into the minced meat and onions mass.
CLANG! The mesh on the other side of the press explodes into four pieces of shrapnel, three of which disappeared in the mass of the pot, the last hanging on to dear life on the press….

No spaghetti sauce, no spaghetti.
Take out it is then.

Have a nice weekend.
A.

Life ain’t that hard, drinking!

No, not that kind of drinking.
The one that doesn’t involve alcohol.

If you’re like me, then the suggested, supposedly “healthy”, dose of at least 2 liters of water per day is an unbearble summer reading assignment, equal to having to read war and peace over the weekend and write a paper on it.

Look, life ain’t that hard, in order to keep “hydrated” and healthy, just follow this simple guideline:
1. Nature blessed us with a sense that alerts us if we need to drink: THIRST! If you’re thirsty, drink. If not, don’t pump more stuff in. If that results in 0.5 liters a day, that’s fine, your body seems to not need any more.
2. The urban legend of coffee (or caffeinated drink) dehydrating the body keeps getting passed around like a nasty STD. Were it to be true, I would look like a desert mummy from the Andes! I don’t. I’m healthy and alive. So keep drinking it, even to quench your thirst.
3. Once your piss starts to be colourless, stop drinking so much. You’re not a fountain.

There. A concise list on how to drink healthily.

If by any chance you give in to the pressure and give this shit of drinking at least 2 litres of non-alcoholic and non-caffeinated stuff a try, and then someone asks you, after a week, whether you feel any better – piss on them.
That’s the only feeling that I have, since starting this trial run: the urge to pee every fifteen minutes.

Take care,
A.