Posts tagged ‘laughing’

Odd encounters

So I was going to relieve myself in this restaurant’s loo. 

Standing there ready to do what I came there to do, I feel the empty, judgmental gaze of a hollow eyed skull, weighing down heavy on me.


Above each of the three urinals hangs a deer skull, staring down, empty, hollow and filled with both dust and disgust. 

It had died, so it could watch you pee, for all eternity. The ultimate, and may I say, deserving, fate for an animal that doesn’t run when a car is speeding towards it.

May the lord have mercy upon their oh…he won’t.
Take care, A.

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Superfoods!

I don’t know whether I have already presented my disdain – full on hatred is more like it – for this despicable garbage that is “superfoods”, if so, here we go again, if not, here we go.

◆First off, the people who birthed the term and continue to pass their stillbirth around like a real baby, are the sort of people who name(d) themselves after a fruit that evolved to be eaten by giant ice age sloths, and giant ice age sloths alone, and which is around today simply because ancient humans have cultivated that fruit after they had hunted the giant sloths to extinction – aka, the fruit was the bitch, the giant sloth its pimp. We killed the pimp, and became the bitch’s new pimp instead. People who call themselves after such a weak and unemancipated fruit, should not be allowed to birth any new terminology. 

◆There is no such thing as a superfood. If there were, EVERY human in the history of mankind would know about it, and eat it – with added vanilla taste and as a fish-milkshake.
Every religion would praise it as heavenly/divine shit, despite the fact that the infidels of the other religions (and the atheists) do so too. Every leader – including super racists – would’ve endorsed it, every zealous third-wave feminist would love it, despite the patriarchal (ab)use of “this feminine superfood”.
This isn’t happening at any point in history, what does that tell you?

◆”But, but, but, the western world only now discovered this edible treasure of ancient asian/mezoamerican culture!!!!” But, but, but, Asia traded with Europe throughout history, some medieval, or even ancient greek, discoverer would’ve gotten wind of the pussball berries. After the rapingdiscovery of America some schmuck somewhere would’ve returned with those ratdung-seeds, and we’d consume it daily since the fifteen hundreds. Hasn’t happened. Why?
Exactly.

◆Financial interest. Apples are as much a superfood as those fancy mice droppings from the Mayans, or some berries from central Asia. Fibres, vitamins, energy. But the ice age remnants did not elect this to be their superfood.
Why?
Not fancy enough, not enough money in it. Import that funky snot-berry mousedropping-seed and there’s money in it when you resell it as a superfood.

◆In some weird parallel universe, where the laws of physics do not exist, or work grossly different than here, there may be an odd, misshapen, world where terms that are non-descriptive of reality – like superfood(s) – have a rightful plafe of existence.
But not here.
Here, using this word in a sincere manner, shows just that the user of this, is a cranial ascetic, deprived of any rational thought, completely submerged in nutrional nonsense and woo.

Conclusion:
There are no superfoods.

Take care,
A.

Life ain’t that hard, elections.

There has been an election in my country recently, I’m sure you heard.

I am not here to comment on the outcome, there are far better qualified people to do so. 
But I had the opportunity to observe insanity take on a new form.

No not the candidates whoring themselves out at every possible opportunity, nor the fact that one looks like a molding armadillo the other like a skinned weasel greased in oil.

It’s people taking pictures of their ticked (marked) ballots and posting them on social media!
So they are not just partaking in a democratic process, but also in mindless self-affirmation – getting “Bravos” from like minded folks, and pissing off the community of the opposing side.
Some even took the sweet time to strike through the other candidate(s). Wasting their own time, that of the people waiting to get into the voting booth, that of the people sitting there who in the end would have to count the clumsy attempts that made it impossible to scan electronically and have it counted that way.

Look people, life ain’t that hard, even in when voting in an election. It’s rather easy, here:

0. If you live in a proto-dictatorship you have to register to vote instead of being eligible to vote by default.
1. Go to the place where you can cast your vote. (Note: In a free and truly democratic country you need to show your ID to prevent voter fraud.)
2. You get a ballot and an envelope to take to the voting booth. (Note: No booth? Call inter-/national TV News, a booth will magically appear.)
3. Tick the box/circle next to the favored choice. Mostly there’s more than two choices (except in proto-dictatorship countries or special elections), so make sure you actually mark the right one.
4. After stuffing the ballot into the envelope, leave the booth and put it in the locked ballot box. (Note: if the lock is missing, or open, call inter-/national TV News and the police, take pictures of it, mail those to newspapers!)
5. You’re done! Take your ID, and the great feeling of having participated in a democratic process, go home and reward yourself with some icream or a prolonged jerk-off marathon.

No snapping pictures of your ballot. No drawing or writing on your ballot.
No anything except the TL;DR version of above list: Go in, tick a circle, stuff in box, leave.
Saves you time and effort, saves those coming in after you time and nerves, everyone wins.

Please do note: You can of course watch the first election results trickling in on the special news shows that day, but let me ask, why the hassle?
You have cast your vote. Everything else in this election, is now OUT OF YOUR HANDS!
Take a drink in a fancy bar, go out and eat, visit a brothel, inspect the crawlspace of your home. Have fun, or be productive.
But don’t sit there like a moron and watch the results as if you had to leave the country with hastily gathered belongings otherwise. If it has come to that point a wise person would go to vote, and then leave the fountry preemptively.

The next day, or two days later, the results will be final. Your nerves have not been stressed out, you had a relaxing day, and can take the news more relaxed that the shitheads you least wanted almost took over.

Take it easy. Life ain’t that hard.

Take care,
A.