Posts tagged ‘milk’

Consumer protection done (almost) right…

As reaction to:
https://futurism.com/missouris-meat-law/

Missouri passed a law that prohibits the use of the term “meat” for anything that didn’t come from an animal.

Which is great!

If it isn’t meat, don’t call it meat!

If it is plums, you wouldn’t call it apples, now would you?
(Side rant: Why are these fucking cretins in the vegan crowd bitching and moaning about Trumps ‘Alternative Facts’, whilst living with alternative facts of their own? I don’t get it!)

It is that simple. idgf what you call it, but it is false labeling, more accurately, consumer fraud if you call Not-meat, meat.

It is this entire false labeling crap that must end:
It is soy juice, almond drink, grain water. Be honest.

It is NOT milk, nor is that other shit meat. Not even a convincing approximation.

You’re vegan? Good. Own that shit, and be honest about it to everyone, including yourself. Don’t pretend to be eating meat, if it is just crushed almonds, textured and colored in a way, that is a vague approximation.

Wash your almond-slab down with some Soy-juice.

But, as always, there is a catch, this decision also stinks of antiscienceism:
Labmeat IS meat.

May not have been alive recently (at least in the traditional terms) but it IS meat. Fear of GMOs and science in general is stinking through this otherwise intelligent decision.

Still.

A win for common sense.

A victory against consumer fraud.

Take care,

A.

PS: in my country there had been a huge scandal a few years back about “analogue cheese”, everyone and their aunt were up in arms over this. Today, they sell the same shit as Vegan cheese. It is NOT cheese, be honest.

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Mommy blogs!

Or joint parent blogs.

I have never indulged in the activity of reading these insipid, driveling wastes of insignificantly minute storage space on the net.
First off, I’m not the target audience – a mom, and secondly these blogs almost never have any value.

You’re not gaining some new insight on how to “parent”, that you didn’t get from being one, or having one. There is not enough substance to these vapid excuses of brain leakage, that would permit wasting time on reading them. Or just one.
Same goes for 99% of these so called “parenting magazines”, with articles so empty you are left to wonder why these sniffling shits aren’t writing speeches for politicians.
If it weren’t for product testing – including lab tests for hazardous materials – these magazines would be worth less than ink and paper, separately, used to make this glossy kindling.
I digress.

Mommy (b)logs are used by the mommy bloggers to make the simplest most mundane task look like a deed more heroic than the deeds of all Marvel and DC superheroes combined.
Mommy dearest breastfeeds her baby despite it being four and will continue to do so, until the kid enrolls in college. She carries the child in a sling, although her shoulders are bleeding, claiming “her indigo crystal child needs the intimacy, closeness and prolonged bonding,” although the brat is clearly old enough to fracking walk, or even go on prolonged hikes.
Great job.

Vegan, gluten-, lactose-, sugar-, and fat-free is an added “burden”, because it creates a (selfimposed) martyrdom to raise a child this way, with relatives and friends and doctors(!) telling them that it is absolute BS.

Adding to that, they hallow their “parenting” (and thus themselves) even more, if they are absolute nutjobs who think science and medicine are evil and thus they raise desease ridden, virii spreading little snotballs who run from vaccines and pills like they stole something.
But hey, they raise kids who are “all natural”. (Despite humans being omnivores, not herbivores, and our very existence outside of Africa is unnatural, but that’s not the issue here.)

That’s another staple of mommy bloggers.
The absolute glorification of the natural, and nature, ignoring the cold, logical, harsh and mindblowing truth that EVERYTHING is perfectly natural, unless some shit comes oozing into this universe through some rift in the space-time continuum.

But these narcissistic, ego driven, professional parents and breeders probably have lactated away all the brain cells necessary for rational and coherent thought, thats why all these blogs (or magazines) are shallow, pitifully dumb, meaningless drivel. People who read or write mommy blogs are people who have picture frames with the words “Friends”, “Family” and especially “Selfies” at home. For this is just another of the “Give me attention, because I am” cases, like the Selfie-people .

If you ever happen to strand on a Mommyblog, take it for what it is, snot. If you stare at the screen for too long thinking that a deeper meaning would peel out of this mindless conglomeration of letters and words, your eyes will roll back in your skull and they will find you, once your bills go unpaid, as a half rotten corpse in front of a computer that burned down in self pity.

Take care, and don’t read mommy blogs, they are an insult on the very words making them up (“mommy” and “blog”), as sell as an insult to anyone thinking.
A.

Life ain’t that hard, stuff-free stuff

Short and simple this time.

-If you can’t process lactose, stay the frak away from milk. Leave milk alone, use soy juice or coconut juice, and don’t you dare call any of it “milk”.
-If you can’t handle gluten, don’t eat it, but don’t substract gluten from stuff.
-The same goes for low-carb! Don’t eat carbohydrates if you don’t wanna, but leave them where they belong.
-If you need to drive, don’t drink. If you order an alcohol free beer – you better get drunk instead.
-If you don’t want to ingest sugar, fracking don’t. Live with the health conscious choice you made and do not use other stuff for substitute.
-Same for vegans. Conscious choice, deal with it. But don’t play with your soypaste and build yourself a fake steak. You want a sausage, either have sex, or get a real one.
-You want coffee? Drink coffee. You don’t want caffeine? Don’t drink coffee. The end.

In even shorter form: Can’t, or don’t want to, handle it? Live with it.

Stop over-complicating things. Stop cluttering the world with your filthy useless garbage! Otherwise we will soon have joyless joy, sexfree sex and playfree playtime.
Life ain’t that hard, stop taking things out of stuff where they belong in.

Take care,
A.

Crappy Birthday in May

image

Apple strudel juice.
If you ever wondered how it would be to drink your granny’s apple strudel, the answer’s just a cheap gift away. For a mere 1.59 per bottle.
Alegedly, this applestrudelmilkjuice tastes like an apple tree had diarrhea after an angry buttsex session with a lot of cinnamon. Frankly, I will never find out, as the section of the supermarket this photo was take in, mysteriously burned like the fiery pits of hell, a few seconds after I snapped that shot…

Crappy Birthday, we eatdrink to your health.

Life ain’t that hard: Raising kids!

Don’t get me wrojg, it’s a hell of a job, it’s taxing and it IS hard.

But people make some kind of dramatical fuzz about this, as if no one before them had ever raised a child.

Basically it all boils down to a few key issues:
-Feed your kid!
Obvious, isn’t it? At first you give the baby milk, later (~6months) you introduce food, wane milk, only food. Ain’t that hard, eh? Just keep it balanced between healthy and sinfully tasty. And remember, humans are omnivores, not herbivores. Raising a kid on a vegan diet is harmful!

-Keep your kid clean.
Doesn’t sound too hard. You can learn the basics from every other movie out there that has a Baby in it. From there on out, it is a path of “Obvious-shite”. Changing diapers (you’ll get the hang of when it’s full), washing/bathing/showering, dressing, in between clean up jobs (sticky fingers, are just the beginning of a wonderful dirt journey!), keeping the laundry clean. Not, that, hard. Really.

-Parenting.
This is a vague term. What I want to say with this is, that you need to do some hard labour: Rules, Rewards and Punishments.
Yes. RRnP.

This is the sole reason why I write this.
There is a new parenting … thing, in the german language bubble, that I would translate as “unraising”.

These people stipulate that “raising” in and of itself is an act of aggression, a form of violence, in which one party (parents) put’s itself above the other party (kid/s), and then forcefully raises them. That the notion of parents having to protect, and look out for, their kids, is equal to “the white mans burden” (for those of you who have failed history class: having to protect the primitive/savage people in the colonies from themselves), and that “raising” in any way, shape or form is undemocratic, and is against equality…
Therefore they are against any rules, any intervention from the parents or someone else, in the development of their kids.

Well. Let me start with the lack of rules.
Listen, they took plant seeds to space, to see how they fare in zero G (=lack of any rules). It didn’t fare well. Plants, as it sems, need, other than light to guide them, gravity. They need the rules of UP and DOWN, to know where to grow to. Children need, other than food, also rules, to know what to grow into. A savage that doesn’t know right from wrong, just doesn’t fly well.

Raising is not a form of violence, claiming this is like saying gravity is a form of violence. Every animal is being raised. Every animal has social rules, and unless you’re a creature that is abandoned at birth (or as an egg), you are being raised! Always!

Parenting, a family, is NO democracy. There is NO equality.
Period!
My child is not equal to me in decisions that affect the entire family, or him. I cannot (and would not), for example, let him eat only candy.
If I had a daughter I would not allow her to leave the house in a skimpy outfit at twelve years of age.
I am the parent, I have knowledge, and experience.
Therefore, I am the one making rules. End of story. If you neglect your duties as a parent, BTW, the government has the right AND THE DUTY to take the child/-ren away from you. So allowing your twelve year old daughter out at 2am in a skimpy outfit might get your daughter taken away from you – if you’re lucky…

Again. Life ain’t that hard, raise your kids. Parenting is hard work, but is not something that will ruin you or your spirit. Countless generations before you did it, and will in the future.

Sure, it is important to provide room for your kid to grow into, but it also important to coarse it away from turning into a boar. There just is no future for a person that is unwilling to work, gets up at 1pm, and perhaps shits himself because going to the loo is too much of an effort. That’s what raising provides, a future, a guideline, and rules. As said above, RRnP.

I leave you with the fail of “unraising” parenting, and a desperate cry for attention and rules, I hope it’s a hoax, but at this point…

“My son (10) stopped going to school, five weeks ago. I can’t talk him into going again. Since he stopped, he started wetting and pooing himself. He doesn’t wanna talk or leave his room. Talking with him requires you to go into his room and sit beside him when he’s at the computer or in bed, but the stench is unbearable. I don’t know what to say to him anymore.”

Again, raise your fucking kids! It’s not that hard.
A.

18. Dec. 2014

sourWell.

The perverse breastfeeding fetish is reaching religous levels here. These are, and I can’t stress how wrong this feels writing, “Breastmilk pearls” for a mere 157,00Euro (and more)!
Yes, you read that correct. BRESATMILK PEARLS! These are made from breastmilk. You lactate into a bottle, send it to them, and they make a pearl out of it. Obvious questions like “doesn’t that spoil and start to stink horribly?” aside. The site proclaims that these pearls are HAND MADE from 30ml breastmilk (2 Tablespoons) you send in, no chemicals added.
Okay. Wait. HOW?

All that aside. WHY????
“All the love and energy delivered by the breastmilk is saved and cotained in this.”
I still wonder HOW. Especially HANDCRAFTED. HOW?
Love, light and stardust?

Repeat: Perverse breastfeeding fetish on religous levels!

Regardless, if you can count an orphan to your enemies, abandoned on the steps of the local monastary by his/her unloving mother, gift them this to cause a new identity crisis and hopefully drive them to suicide….

Beating the virtual (pt.4)

reallyReally YouTube?

Really?

It isn’t enough that I am tormented with advertising to the right side of many videos, it isn’t enough that I have to click away a banner °inside° the video(frame), it isn’t enough that the advertising sluts are wiping their filthy asses with valuable seconds of my life BEFORE a video starts – NO.

Now I am getting a suggestion (!) for an ADVERTISMENT in my channelfeed and suggestion section.

Really?
Everywhere I turn I get advertising in my face. “Buy this toiletbowl scrubber it’ll improve your sexlife.” – really? “Yes really!”
You see, the advertising cretins are selling E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G with sex. I never understood the connection between a coffeemachine and a sexy female.
Having a new coffeemachine  didn’t ever help me getting any. (Yes such a series of ads were running here in Austria and Germany back in the late 80s and early 90s)
Shut up, sod off and die.

There so much crap being tossed at you in these advertisements – which proves that we decended from monkeys, we’re still a large group of feces flinging apes.

20 somthing woman: “Mom, I have a problem, I am constipated, do you know that feeling?”
No sweetie, she doesn’t. What you don’t know is that your mom had died giving birth to you and was replaced by an android, and an android has no idea what constipation feels like…OF COURSE SHE DOES! Cut the crap and go for the truth: “Mom I have constipation, any suggestions on how to get rid of it?”

The medicinal products, and health supporting products, that are all of a sudden popping (or pooping) up in the advertising aisle are baffling me. “Do you feel bloated after eating? Eat this Yoghurt and you will feel flattened, and become sexy!” Mentally I insert a loud and long farting sound at that point to illustrate the way it works. “Maaaan I feel stuffed, but this’ll help!” *chums-down-yoghurt* *faaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrt* “Better! Bring the second Turkey mum!”

What bothers me the most is the advertisements using sex to sell a product that actually should help you get laid better/faster. “The false eyelash mascara, makes you irresistible.” I got bombarded with an ad on YouTube lately, I skipped it everytime so I have no clue what it is for in the end but it started like “Did you ever wonder why the women you are not interrested in are attracted to you, and the women you are interrested in aren’t?” *skip* – if I need your product or advise for that I shouldn’t be able to reproduce, in that case I think I would’ve forfitted my right to reproduce. Besides, all knowing admachine, I have a wife, we’re having a baby in July. Obviously I did something right.
“Plain hair on tuesday, curly hair on friday – your hair has to endure a lot of stress, the new heat protective …” WHO CARES?? Stop redoing your hair every other day, and while you are working on “Being recognizable” ditch the Flypeople sunglasses.
I hate these: “Hi, it’s me, don’T you recognize me?” Sorry, but I don’t know any flies. These shades cover half your frickin face, and you expect me to recognize you? If it were that simple Batman would’ve been recognized as Bruce Wayne a long time ago!

So YouTube tracks my movement across its site – good. Suggest shit I’d like, thanks.
But, YouTube is part of the google empire, hence YouTube knows, what google knows. I’m a male, I live in Austria, I fancy history, science, science fiction, fantasy, comedy, and more. So why would the suggested, targeted ad I got yesterday be for a feminine hair line product?
If you HAVE to be a pain in the ass, be one that is personalized.
At least gendered.
I certainly don’t need styling for plain hair by L’Oreal Austria!

Another trend in advertising I have noticed is going for the lowest common denominator. People get dumber all the time, dumber and dumber. I remember times when advertising was served with a highbrow, or with details about the product, but eversince the dentists-wives and -daughters said they recommend a certain toothpaste shit got worse. Really? They aren’t dentists, so why would I heed their recommendation? The dentist in question could tell them that they are using shit, and they say “I don’t care, I recommend this quarz-mud toothpaste!” Stupid BS!

The organic lies!
“This stuff is homegrown, ecologic clean conscience, organic food!” – it comes from a major brand, hence it is anything BUT homegrown! George Carlin has written/spoken about this quite a lot, only that the organic bullshit hadn’t been launched fullscale back then. But I completely agree with him on that. You want homegrown, organic food? GROW SOME! And save the seeds asshole. If you need to go and BUY seeds you get fucked over by monsanto and consorts.

Voodoo powder!
My son is a year old and shares everything with his friends.” *kid eats cake hands spoon to friend who eat with it* “But is he safe?” no. The minute the little kid pops out of you, he is in danger. The very minute his existence began actually.
But pumping them full with Voodoo powder milk that should boost his health or what ever is probably making him sick. Your mum stopped breastfeeding you at about 6 months old. Maybe later. Did you survive? If the answer is yes, guess what.
THATS THE WAY TO GO! Your immune system needs to be under attack to build up a defense, thats how most vaccines work. A virus that has been made inactive gets injected into your bloodstream, your immunesystem learns all about it and is capable of defending against it if the real shit came along. Same goes for your kid’s immunesystem. Voodoo powder at best delays the inevitable! Feed the little ones a helathy diet, lots of vitamins, not so much sugar (no artificial sweeteners!) and he’ll be off good. Stop throwing your Voodoo powder down my direction! After all – countless generations have survived wothout it, and the argument it boosts brain development – Alber Einstein had no Voodoo Powder, and became THE Albert Einstein.

Rise and shine.
“Rising cities, here you are the mayor…” *skip* – I don’t care for any of your stupid little browser games, or facebook games. I already touched that topic in pt.1

Rinse and shine – this cleaning lotion gets you over pimples…shut up. That shit dries out your skin, and you will have to get a moisturizer, which cloggs up your pores, which GIVES YOU PIMPLES!
While I’m at the topic of creams and rinses.  “The L’Oreal youthCode, plant stemcells, rejuvenating”… AGE IN DIGNITY! If one more of the old cuntbags shows up on my screen telling me how she still has perfect smooth skin at 70, all because of the freaking cream and wash, I’m gonna kill every beauty surgeon on the planet! Let’s see how she fares then!

Cars to die for.
New cars that only use 4.5 liters of gas per 100 kilometers and have a hybrid engine are being hailed as the new green stuff.
It isn’t. There is nothing green, natural, environment friendly, ecologic or even economic about a fucking car! Get it into your heads folks, these things make you fat, cost money and pollute. ALWAYS.
You want a green car? Take Flinstones mobile or a fully electric one.
One that doesn’t burn stuff, that is green. Now stop trying to sell cars as green and peaceful that are anything BUT!

Furniture for Idiots.
I don’t know wether you my dear readers are tormented with furniture stores advertising like they had a lobotomy, I certainly am, like my fellow Austrians. They have a red couch – barely room enough for two people, costing almost 3.000Euro, now redesigned with goggly eyes and a stuck out tongue, for reasons of insane price days…or a family that originally lived in the store, and I hated them from the start all those years ago. They get sillier, and sillier, noisier, and noisier, and I loathe them. Or a superhero who slashes living cartoon prices in half, and they are happy afterwards – I sometimes ask myself whether the brains behind it have escaped from a uberbrutal S&M ring, or whether they are targeting the people who have been watching too much Tom&Jerry in their childhood. The screaming teenage girl Ikea throws at us lately is just the tip of the iceberg, but it is enough. THrow the little cunt in her room, lock the door, bar the window(s) and let her calm down.

Clothes for naked people.
Yes, you read that correct. But actually it’s naked people making a case for clothes they barely wear. Scantly dressed whores (sorry feminists, but if you look at them in any other way I doubt your vision is clear) and beefed up douchebags (sorry malinists, see above) with open shirts are NOT making a case for your cloths. Yes, cloths, not clothes.
These rugs are barely something to ware but stuff to wipe the floor with. But that is another topic, the ads with naked people for CLOTHES eludes me. I don’t get it. Neither do I understand why women would buy shoes after seeing a skinny chick wear them naked in ads.

I know that some YouTubers make their living with YouTube, and thus with advertising. In all honesty, although I am a fan of some of them, I hope the entire advertising industry crashes into a crisis that will never allow them to resurface.
The Advertising University (!) in austria is making advertising for itself, and I have to say, these are the shittiest ads I have ever seen. And don’t get me started on the lowest of them all – Axe deodorants…

We have billboards at the streets, other forms of advertisements on the streets, ads in papers, ads on webpages – even facebook, ads in Apps, ads on the radio and TV, ads on their own (flyers), ads in the videos as banners, as blocks and as videos. That they now start suggesting ads seems desperate. The bubble has reached critical mass, if you work in advertising I’d suggest to pull out before it bursts.

At least the faces of politicians aren’t staring at me, yet. But we have an election coming up this year…

A.