Posts tagged ‘paint’

Tales from the renovation part 2

After the walls had been drenched, and the floor had been soaked, the furst step had been to dry them.
Slashing the walls, drilling holes into the floor.

I wish they’d let me do the slashing and the drilling. You know, get some of that pent up anger out.

So, insurance pays new paint, new floorboards.

Renovation time, baby!

Since getting that part of the den painted and refurbished seemed like as good a time as any to actually re ew the furniture too, so you can store more crap, we decided to actually do that.

Furniture store.
This, I had to find out, might actually be that first stage of prehell horror and torment that religitards always rave on about.
“Here look at this beautiful furniture you can’t possibly afford!” Or “Look at this totally stylish, up to date, modern way of making a room … SEEM LIKE IT WAS DIGEST, SHAT OUT JUST TO BE HAMMERED IN SHAPE BY A LUNATIC WITH A RUBBER HAMMER …in your price category.”

And then of course, our little odyssey.

We went, we saw and we STILL are fighting. No vici this time. Not yet.

On the 14th we went to the furniture store and fell in love with these small closets.
We ordered them, together with a really neat wardrobe.
On the 26th we got a call that one of the closets we order, wasn’t available any more.

???

How, HOW on earth can we *buy* something that they do not have anymore? Or let me rephrase that, HOW can they SELL anything that they do not have???
I could understand if they couldn’t get that, and told us about the unavailability when we wanted to make the purchase. But twelve days LATER???

No worries though, they organised a showroom piece for us, at the great discount of 10 bucks.
It is in (paraphrasing) “best condition”.

So we went to pick up the packaged up pieces – which this furniture store couldn’t at all tell us how big they’d be, a feat that IKEA even puts on their website – luckily we could fit them in our car, them we went to pick up the prime condition showroom piece.

At first the showroom employee thought they had reserved the one with the kicked in door, and then it turned out the one we ACTUALLY had reserved was also damaged.
No purchase.
Keep that thing, and …. why on earth did they put a damaged showroom piece of a no-longer available closet BACK in the showroom?
Are they going to scam a few people out their money???

Anyway. As we try to rectify thst situation we got the walls finally painted and the floor renewed.
After they tore out the floor boards the PVC floor the forst tenants of this apartment had installed came back to the light of day.
The most 80s, vulgar, neon, trash design I have ever laid eyes upon. Just knowing that this is oit there underneath the new fkoorboards causes me to sweat in panic.
The most irritating fact is that someone WILLINGLY chose this. If I get up, on a daily basis, see this, I’d have to take cocaine. Upon coming home, again, cocaine!
But hey, it was the 80s.

Until a possible part 3, take care,
A.

Tales from the renovation part 1

In case I had neglected to blog about this*, here the backstory to the renovation:

In December 2016, on the 18th to be exact, a waterpipe broke, and we had to call a plumber, who then arrived shortly on the 19th. Hey, it was a Sunday.
He mended the broken pipe, but said that due to the wet wall, he couldn’t reattach the bathroom tile, until the wall was dry, he then also neglected to reinstall the faucet behind which the waterpipe had burst.
In case you were wondering, yes, it was the shower faucet.
For the next two weeks we had to ride the elevator downstairs, trek through the basement, access the common showers in the sauna.
At least our apartment building HAS a sauna with showers! Otherwise, we would’ve been screwed!

On the 23rd I noticed that the wall on the other side of the bathroom looked wet.
It was.
Soon we found dark spots that looked like mold.
It was.
Thankfully we got help soon, in small spart from the landlord (whose insurance pays for the whole ordeal anyway). Mold killed by 30%H2O2, and the noisiest machines I had ever had the honor to see inside and apartment got put up.

We had to do it little house on the prairie style, and bunk up in the living room, because the blow dryer was innthe bedroom, hoses were lying around as if they wanted to fuel the fucking space shuttle!
Two drying machines facing the walls (and the heaters with heat sensitive meters on it for payment!) rumbled on through night and day.

No wolverines were harmed in the drying of these walls.

Then the garish nightmare machines got evicted, one by one, as the walls grew drier and drier again.
At that point we had the luxury of our own shower back. That had taken some fourteen days. The driers, those had been a constant noise in our apartment after that, and for some six weeks in total.

So we began our ascend back to civilisation of the 21st century, by trading the mattresses on the floor for our bed, and trading a living+bed-room for separated rooms.
Woohoo!

Continued in part 2.

*Yes, it is my blog, and still I am too lazy to check, plus, I just don’t give a shit. I’m human, deal with it.

Life ain’t that hard, (public) toilets.

Problems with public toilets have been a reoccurring theme in our society.

As usual I am here to help!

It is simple:
•Excrete your feces into the bowl and leave them there.
•Urinate into the bowl, or the Urinal. Unsteady stream? Sit down.
•Wiping is done utilising toilet paper, not bare hands, socks or other things.
•Regurgitate directly into the bowl if possible.
•Ejaculate into a piece of toilet paper, nowhere else, if you are alone, that is.
•Bleeding, change your tampon, or call an ambulance, but don’t bleed freely everywhere.
•Flush. No, seriously, FLUSH!
•This is a no smoking area, there’s  methane in the air!
•Shooting yourself up with drugs is never good, but particularly bad here.

Print this out if you need or want to.

One last word of advice:
Feces, Urine, Vomit, Semen, Blood – none of these are an accepted source for painting the stall and ceiling over with. If you have uncontrollable artistic urges, bring a sharpie.
If you want to experiment with your fetishes, do it at home or a close friend’s house. Really close.

Life ain’t that hard, see?

Take care,
A.

People are fucking nuts.

Just a fun FYI, for once I would like to witness today’s title happening literally. 😉

What drove me to my “highly unusual” conclusion of mass debility?

Amazon, Books and People.

This mixture is odd, you say?
Maybe.
But once you saw that in the top selling books, two coloring books are among the top ranked, you start asking questions.
Like: Are there really that many children around, that these not only are top sellers, but also out of stock, on Amazon? – in short: No.
These books are bought FOR adults.
Colored in BY adults.

That was the moment I took some toilet paper, and wiped off my faith in humanity:

Coloring books for adults.

Are you fraking kidding me? I repeat: Coloring Books. For Adults!

Any potential “calming down” effects aside – you can get that from watching a fire consume the bodies of your enemies – how much more infantile can you get?
Coloring out a fairytale landscape is for five year olds, but not for grown ass people. 

Those are the same kind of people who think the Bible is to be taken literally, who believe Vaccines cause autism, who take channelings from the galactic federation of light seriously, and who take globuli against diabetus!

Coloring frak books, for fracking adults!
And you wonder why extremists want to wipe out western civilisation? There’s the answer. Grownups doing coloring books, and posting it online, while western society is standing by and let’s it happen without a word against it.

If it was one or two mental patients, my mouth would be shut tight. But two entire mental institutions couldn’t buy out the entire amazon.com stock! All of the US, can.
And here I sense the real tragedy – people with access to nuclear weapons (which are controlled by computers using 5inch floppy discs) are doing coloring-books.
Really?
A nation that sent men to the moon fourty-six years ago, is now populated by people who do this stuff for a pass time?
Really?
All you coloring Schmucks, turn to your (great)grandfathers. Look at them. They fought, in a little event called the second world war, Korean war, Vietnam war, and many more. They fought, for you. For your future.
And this is how you repay them? By doing coloring books?
If this was a fad amongst Veterans, who compensate for their PTSD – again, tightly shut pie holeon my part. But this is done by people with no excuse. The Teletubby generation, I presume.

Look numbnuts, if you need to unwind after a long day at work, do what I do – read. Books with words. Let your mind soar, sharpen it, and enjoy what unfolds. One book, one chapter, can give you more images in your head, than an entire library of coloring-books ever could!
But if you have to color in a coloring-book, here’s my suggestion. Do it in secret. Only oncea month, or in (or rather AFTER) very stressful situations – go home. Close all blinds, unhook the phone, turn off TV and internet, drink some wine (Ravenwood’s Zinfandel is recommended), and sit down with your array of 42 color pencils and a fresh page of the coloring book. Then toss that thing in the trash! And draw something that comes to your mind. Something that is truly allowing you to let out some steam! If it is a fiery mess that is eating through your life – doesn’t matter, as long as it let’s out some steam. If it looks like a 3 year old drew it, and your thirty three, doesn’t matter!

But don’t do coloring books, for crying out loud.

Take care, and lay off those coloring books!
A.

Athena and the Easter bunny

Enjoying the early bird songs Athena sat perched on the window sill of the little boy’s room. When down in the yard a rabbit appeared.
Without deviation the rabbit hopped through the grass and disappeared into the house.
Curious Athena turned, flew over to the door and went outside, downstairs, to see what the unusual visitor was doing.
image
In the livingroom, at the couch, there it was. Gently hopping along, inspecting the space betweencouch and floor.
Hooting her Hello Athena swooped down and perched on the couch just above the visitor.
“Hello.” The rabbit returned, pulling out an intricately painted egg from under its fur, gently rolling it under the couch, all the while Athena looked on in curious amazement. “What are you doing there?”
image
“Hiding eggs with presents, I’m the easter bunny.” The rabbit replied, amazed at Athena’s ignorance. Still the rabbit produced another egg and rolled in her general direction.

“Happy Easter, Athena!” The rabbit smiled hopping away again, out the door.
image

After a few moments the artful egg began twitching, rocking back and forth, and bounced around until its shell broke and was flung away in arches revealing a tiny hatchling snowy owl, called Lilly.
image