Posts tagged ‘partner’

Life ain’t that hard, love.

Since I’ve been reading in the newspaper recently about a new “edgy” dating show on TV, where the single individual and the applicants to win her heart, are all blindfolded and kiss, so she can, in the end, select one of the kissers based on his “oral”skills, despite never having seen one of them nor knowing anything about their personality, I have decided to break out the old advice column.

Look people, finding love isn’t that hard, to find someone to date, follow these simple instructions:

♥”To know where you’re going, you must know where you come from.”, meaning: define your own fucking interests! Write that shit down if you have to. (For example: “I like wading through manure naked, bathing in swine intestines and reading racist manifestos of psychotoc mass murderers.”)
♥Your standards are not everything. If you are single for a considerably long time (5+ years, I’d say; a year and a half is a hiatus, not a drama) and you desperately want to change it, but can’t seem to find the right one, maybe the problem isn’t “them”, but you and your standards. Tweak them. (For example, if you are looking for a super nerdy Taylor Swift lookalike that is into fat older guys whose most romantic activity is taking long walks on the beach in warcraft, and could name every character ever in Star Trek, Star Wars and Dr.Who – give up.)
♥Now that you have your interests and tweaked standards ready, go out. Meet people (of your preferred gender) and talk to them. During online dating just make sure that you’re chatting with whom you think you are. (Video chats are a thing.)
♥Do not fuck right away! Sure before you eventually invest a ton of time in the other person, or even consider marriage, you want to know whether they are any good in bed. On the second or third date. For the first one the following applies: You can kiss, but no fucking.
That’s desperate, or cheap. Which brings me to…
♥”I’m running this monkey farm now Frankenstein, and I want to know what the fuck you’re doing with my time?!” Meaning, don’t waste everybody’s time. You need someone who has brains. Let’s be honest, the purchase and maintenance of a blowup(fuck)doll is cheaper in the long run, than supporting a bimbo (of any gender) that looks good, but is dumber than dog shit floating on piss, who is good for one thing, and one thing alone – intercourse.
♥Times goes by. Do not rush things. If you get pregnant right away, or married after a month or two of you two meeting – shit might hit the fan! Take your time!
♥Pink glasses – it may irritate you if a jaded old frak like me says this, but of you don’t have the pink glasses feeling, you ain’t in love. Additionally, once the pink glasses feeling fades away, and the shininess of the relationship has been replaced by the same old routine, and you still couldn’t live without the other person – congratulations! That, is love.

There. Fixed that problem before it could fester and give you an inflammation of the heart. One last thing: a healthy, stable relationship needs trust, effort and work. You’ll need to compromise on many things, and share both laughter and tears.

Addendum:
Now I know that none of these “dating shows” are real. They’re highly scripted mini series depicting people with various damages to their psyche. But the idea(l)s and themes they transplant into people’s heads are real, and the consequences are. 
Stop watching any of this gobshite.

Take care, A.

Customer service

my balls.
I know I am not the first, nor the last, to complain about this, but the recently received email angered me.

“Please rate”, your transaction, your business partner, your product,  our service, your business partner’s service, etc.
What are you? An insecure idiot that wants constant approval? “Was it good for you?” What if I say no?

How is this customer friendly? You’re feeding me with unsaturated hatred! I rarely, if ever, read any user reviews on products onamazonline, because 99% of them are either written when angry (probably due to end-user-failure, hint: replace user and retry!) or when so high that Keith Richards seems like an anti drug activist. The last 1% is on books.
I never read any reviews of business partners, because WHO CARES?, I need that shit, and I need it asap, not in 3 weeks when the other seller is restocked. So I order it from them. Period.

It’s this constant IN YOUR FACE politics of online retailers that make me understand pirating even more. (Money and time aspect aside)
Pirate bay isn’t going berserk in your face upon your second visit: “People who downloaded that disgusting crap you downloaded last week, also viewed this weird shit, and many downloaded that sick crap! Please don’t forget to rate and review your download! Please tell us how you felt about the people you downloaded from. How do you like our service?”

I wish I had a Canon.
No, not a product from that company, but one that makes rather large holes into people, buildings and landscapes. With my canon I would shoot at the idiots over at Canon.

Why the sudden homicidal outburst?

Imagine you have an important document to scan, and you have this fancy Scanner-Printer-Fax combo at home (or your office for that matter). Sorry, but unless you refill your INK you can’t SCAN shit!!!
If I find out who thought that, that would be a good idea, hide from my canon. And no, you can’t switch to scanning to skip that annoying little obstacle. Wish it was that easy…

BTW: a fax? Why not send it over on a dinosaur?